A Double Shot of Shameless Self Promotion

Did you know that I appear other places on the internet besides just here at the Platypus Robot? If you did, gold star for following the clues. But if you didn't, then I'm here to show you the way.

First off is a blog for an upcoming film I plan to make: Uncle Slavko's Fun Time Blog. With two other creative powerhouses (Michael Skvarla and Andy Gunn) who I'm making the movie with, we're cataloging the film's journey from start to finish. Being that we're deep in Pre-production, it's a lot of theory and general filmmaking philosophies, but soon it'll be you're source for the GREATEST HORROR COMEDY EVER MADE: Love in the Time of Monsters. It's fun, you should check it out.

But the creative overflow doesn't stop there, enter: Spicy Braun Comics. This weekly webcomic is the brainchild of myself and master artist, and full on creative behemoth, Don Nguyen where we can showcase our comic-ing to the world. Expect some short stories, both funny and action-packed, that are nothing but awesome and fun for the whole family. Well, the family that counts anyway.



Have no fear though, faithful reader, if you do nothing but read this classic of the blogosphere, you won't notice any difference at all. I just wanted to let you all know that there are more places to get my special brand of writing elsewhere on the interwebs and you should totally and absolutely check them out.

I promise it's worth it.

Venom is a Slut Part 5

Venom needs higher standards

This non-canonical slut Venom is from the disturbed mind of James Stowe and was found over at March MODOK Madness. Check it out for all your MODOK needs, the new season just started.

Drive Angry: So Close To Being So Awesome

I saw Drive Angry (in 3D!) last night, and it was almost exactly what I thought it would be. It was chock full of big dumb action, a crazy Nic Cage performance, and some laugh out lines (most of which I can't imagine were intentional), but it still wasn't quite the movie I wanted it to be.



You might remember me talking about this one months ago in one of my Weekend Matinee's where I mentioned that Drive Angry looked like the movie Ghost Rider should have been. I can indeed confirm that this is the case. Regardless of any issues this one has, it's head and shoulders above Ghost Rider when it comes to that throwback 70s grindhouse esthetic. I just wish this one went a bit further for me.



Let's back up and talk about the plot. This one is pretty straight forward: Nic Cage escapes from Hell on a mission to save his granddaughter from being sacrificed by some Satanists. Typical stuff. So the first scene of the movie is Cage escaping from Hell in a suped up (I'm assuming) American Muscle car, that promptly never appears again. I cannot tell you how disappointed I was that Nic Cage wasn't driving around in an authentic Hell Dorado the entire movie, and instead opted to go with a boring old Dodge Charger.

The rest of the movie continued with this almost awesome approach. Most notably with the most amazing Nic Cage Sex Scene EVER, in which he remains fully clothed with a novelty cigar in his mouth and a giant bottle of jack in his hand until, of course, the bad guys show up and try to kill him. It's not quite as good as a similar gunfight in Shoot'Em Up, but it does have more nakedness.

Check out the clip here if you want. It's, um, NSFW if you weren't totally sure.

The villains follow this same path of almost-the-greatest-thing-ever. William Fincher was clearly having a ball as The Accountant, but accent and delivery vary wildly throughout. That said, he does get his fair of awesome scenes - Like the one involving explosions and KC & The Sunshine band, Classic - that do wonders to make me not care too much about his shifting performance.

Meanwhile, the other antagonist (Played by Billy Burke) had his moments of super creepiness and general evilness, but wasn't as cunning or ruthless as the movie really wanted me to think he was. I mean, sure he wanted to kill a baby, but come on, it's 2011 I need more than just talk if you're going to get me to be creeped out by you.

I blame basic cable and video games.



In the end, Drive Angry has a swagger all it's own. A stupid, non-sensical, and overly confident swagger, but a unique one that only it can claim. In my opinion, you should go check this out at the cheap theatre (which'll be next week at this rate) or at home while skipping all the 3d nonsense. You should save that ten bucks and spend it on whiskey.

Because believe me, it'll only make that movie that much more enjoyable.

The Bill March 2, 2011

Hey everybody, I hope you're ready for the internet's most mis-named (and soon to be renamed, once I figure it out) comic review feature: The Bill. Let's check out what I got this week.




Just End Already:

Secret Warriors #25
Writer: Jonathan Hickman
Artist: Alessandro Vitti


If you've been reading these reviews for any amount of time, you've probably noticed that I level a lot of hate on this book. In my defense, from it's bland characters to it's overly mysterious story, there's not a whole lot to love. So why do I keep buying it? Because I refuse to let this series beat me! That and it's going to end here soon. My morbid curiosity about the ending and secret hope that it'll tie everything up in a neat bow keeps me around. Terrible reasoning, I know.

Anyway, in this issue, we get a bit of history on the relationship of the major players in the book. Long story short, it seems that someone from the other Hickman SHIELD series (search me as to who. Maybe that kid who was all powerful and who's dad dressed in bondage gear?) brought these major spies together to collect some shit for him only for it to go awry and result in three warring factions (Hydra, SHIELD, and Leviathan). In all honesty, it's a nice little continuity dovetail with the other SHIELD series and almost makes me want to go pick it up for background. Almost.

The problems are all ones that I've mentioned before: An overly murky plot, the characters are bland and uninteresting, and it's just plain confusing. Combined with some continuity rejiggering (I think there might be a retcon in this issue, but I'm not 100% sure) and an ending that just feels out of place, this is one of the most unsatisfying reads in a while.

Can't wait for the next one.



Now That's More Like It:

Thunderbolts #154
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Declan Shalvey


I love this book. Between this and Avengers Academy (which also came out this week, make sure you go buy it!), Marvel's really tearing it up when it comes to awesome team books. Even if this month's Thunderbolts is a character spotlight on Man-Thing, but you know, whatever.

There's nothing about this one that's hard to like. Salamander riding extradimensionals start killing innocents in the everglades only to be turned back by that which is neither plant or man (but incredibly similar to Swamp Thing). A bit of action, some nice character moments with Man-Thing, and some phenomenal art from Declan Shalvey make this a book to look out for.

The only downside with this book, if it's really a downside, is that I feel like they're treading water until the next event. It's a cool look at the most quiet character of the team, but I couldn't help but to wish that it had more impact on the larger narrative. It was solid, but I wonder if it wouldn't serve the same purpose as a six page back up as opposed to a full on story when there's only so much time before the next big Marvel Crossover takes the book off the rails again.

Seriously though, check out this series. It's fantastic. The complete opposite of Secret Warriors.



And there you have it. If you want to challenge my Secret Warriors hate, ask me about Avengers Academy (again, go buy it. Seriously!), or have any recommendations of other non-shitty books I could be reading, I'm all ears.

Until next time!

Batman Hates You

Maybe you should find him and apologize.

Batman tells it how it is in Batman Adventures #36 via Ty Templeton and Rick Burchett.

Weekend Matinee: ALL STAR SUPERMAN

It's Saturday afternoon and, if you're anything like me, you're looking for something to watch while the woman goes out shopping in the rain (Silly FutureWife). My friend, I have just the thing for you that is both relevant to the week and entertaining to boot: ALL STAR SUPERMAN



I felt that it was appropriate in a week that we lost a comic great, to check out his latest (possibly last, you can never tell with animation) feature. And it's a doozy.

If you've read Morrison and Quietly's All Star Superman, then you pretty much know everything about this movie, as this is a by the book adaptation. Of course, some things had to be cut, but honestly it doesn't make a difference. While I would have liked some more Quinten Quantum, Jimmy Olsen adventures, or just a taste of the Bizzaro stuff, I'm kinda glad it wasn't in there. While I love the series, I can't shake the feeling that in the middle of the series it meandered a bit. What's important about the movie though, is that it hits all the appropriate story notes.

If you like Superman in his high flying-est, you'll love this movie. If you love those crazy, zany Silver-Age-Through-the-Grant-Morrison-lens antics, you'll love this movie. If you just love a straight up, honest to goodness, fun Superman story, you'll... Just go see it already.

Like most of DC's Animated fare, they really knocked this one outta the park. I could nitpick things, but on a whole it's totally worth the time and 100% awesome. What a fantastic ending note on the amazing, but far too short, career of Dwayne McDuffie. Here's the trailer.

Marvel's Next Big Movie...

...Will Probably Be A Huge Bomb.

This teaser from the instant non-classic Wonder Man #1 by Gerad Jones and Jeff Johnson

Gunfire: The Marvel Character That Should Have Been

Recently a friend of mine inherited a sizable chuck (like 15 short boxes) of early to mid 90s DC comics and asked if I wanted to take some of the books off his hands. Never one to say no to free comics, even those from a publisher I rarely read from an era better left forgotten, I leapt at the chance. While I tried to pick out some of the more interesting titles (Millar/Hester on Swamp Thing, Waid's Flash run, Ennis/McCrea Demon, etc), i just couldn't resist all those deliciously awful 90s series like Guy Gardner Warrior, Extreme Justice, and, the most 90s book of them all, Gunfire.



Created by Len Wein and Steve Erwin, Gunfire is a six year-old's imagination (or maybe just my six year-old imagination) come true: He can turn anything into a gun. Wrenches, sticks, lead pipes, tire irons, construction girders, it doesn't matter; as long as he can point it at something, he can make it shoot.



Pretty awesome, right? Well, awesome for the 90s at least.

Anyway, secretly Gunfire is Alex van Horn, the newly anointed CEO of the technology firm Van Horn Industries after his shady father died from a space alligator bite. Don't ask, it's DC in the 90s. With all kinds of cash at hand, Alex decides to use his powers to put Van Horn Industries on the up and up by destroying all of the misappropriated Van Horn tech. This quest puts him up against a litany of technological freaks, from guys in armor that can shoot stuff and guys in armor that can deflect stuff, to a man with transparent skin and even his own not-so dead father.

It's, um... an interesting book, if not a little repetitive and derivative. For those really interesed, I live blogged this earlier in the week. Go relive the madness, if you dare.

Throughout my experience with the book, I couldn't quite shake an uneasiness with the book; like, it just felt wrong. At first, I thought it was because I wasn't used to DC books, and that off-ness was just me being out of my comfort zone. Not a bad theory and it helped ease those thoughts for a while. That is, until I saw this:



And it hit me, Gunfire is totally a Marvel character. Admit it, if you saw him hanging out with Nomad and Deathlok, you'd totally think they were a new (and totally badass) super team. Probably something with 'Extreme', 'Revenge', or ' Deadly' in the title. Or, more likely, all three like: The Extremely Deadly Revengers! But I digress.

Unlike most DC characters, Gunfire's base of operations was in New York and not some fictional coastal city. More, aside from a brief appearance from The Mirror Master and the fact that he first appeared in an issue of Deathstrike, Gunfire has no ties to the DCU at large. No wonder I kept expecting a mention of the Daily Bugle.

On a more meta level, Gunfire doesn't fit the traditional mold for a DC hero. Normally the DC heroes are gods striving to live among men or, more so at the time, the latest in a legacy of heroes. Gunfire however is just a kid thrown in over his head trying to clean up the Van Horn name.

Last but not least, his villainous and not-so-dead father looks just like Stryfe. Because I think we can all agree that Marvel (and to an extent Image) had the market cornered when it came to behind-the-scenes armored supervillains.



In the end, I can't decide if Gunfire got let off easy by being in the DCU. At Marvel, he probably would have gotten a bit of a push in '94 before fading into obscurity only to be used as a punchline to a Bendis joke fifteen years later. At DC, even though he more quickly drifted into obscurity, he never became a joke. Instead, Sterling Gates cut off his hands during New Years Evil and Garth Ennis made fun of his powers in Hitman # 1,000,000.

Oh well, better luck next time Gunfire. Until then, you'll always be my favorite Marvel Hero that never was.

The Bill Feburary 23, 2011

After so many stellar weeks, I knew a week like this was coming. It's not that everything on the list was bad it just nothing filled me with awe. But I'm not going to let a silly thing like that stop me on my one man quest to do half assed reviews. Let's get to it!




Falling Into Old Habits:

Avengers # 10
Writer: Brian Bendis
Artist: John Romita Jr.


Here's the Bendis I love to hate. To his credit, it's not like Bendis had the collected Avengers just sit around and chat about The Hood's quest for the Infinity Gems ike I predicted last month. Instead he has them all headed out to collect the remaining gems in small(ish) teams. The result is pages and pages of no dialogue and giant, empty fight scenes. It's just kinda... boring.

For instance, the book starts with Namor taking the Red Hulk and Thor down to the deepest depths of the ocean to collect his gem. It's a cool idea that just goes on and on and on. It takes them NINE pages of minimal to no dialogue (plus a silent fight with a sea monster) to get down there. Nearly half the book is dedicated to this effing dive and it's just ridiculous.

I get that Bendis wants to make finding these gems a big deal, but there's got to be a more efficient way to do it. As is it feels like a seventh grade History report. You know, the one you put a ton of large block quotes in just to hit that tenth page so you can meet the minimum requirement? I feel like Bendis writes a solid ten page issue most months, and then just jams in filler for the remaining twelve pages.

Sigh. Here's hoping it gets better next month.

Stupid Infinity Gauntlet love...



Mysterious and Intriguing:

Who Is Jake Ellis # 2
Writer: Nathan Edmondson
Artist: Tonci Zonjic


By far the most interesting book of the week for me was this little gem from Image. While not as action-packed and weirdly fun as the first issue, this one still manages to hit all the right notes. We get a hint of the mystery, a taste of the history, and a tickle of... dammit, I want to make that rhyme, but I can't! Damn my non-poetic mind!

Anyway, it's pretty solid fun. The main character, Jon Moore, does what he can to evade the killer interests following him while he tries to figure out the titular question: Who is Jake Ellis?

Honestly, without going into too many spoilers, I don't know what to say about this book other than it's totally awesome. It's a pretty brisk read, but I don't feel cheated or under-satisfied like with some writers *couBENDISgh. The art is clean, clear, and full of energy, perfect for the tone of the story. It's truly fantastic, and I can't recommend it enough. Go check it out, I promise you'll like it.

Assuming, of course, you have good taste. I kid, I kid....




And there you have it, my lackluster week. If you want to know more about any of these, the book I didn't talk about (Power Man and Iron Fist), or the inexplicable reason why I can't seem to find the Amazing Spider-Man point 1 issue (Come on, it's the new Venom!), email, tweet, or leave a comment. I promise to be nice.

Well, probably.

RIP Dwayne McDuffie

Apparently, Dwayne McDuffie died today, and I'm just a little sad about the whole thing. I'm a pretty big fan of his, even if I didn't shout it from the rooftops too often.



I mean, I wasn't collecting comics in his Marvel heyday in the 80s, and wasn't really interested in his Milestone stuff when I started collecting in the 90s (Marvel Zombie, what can I say?), but as I discovered his stuff it blew me away.

I think the first time he blipped on my radar was when I found an old copy of Damage Control. The series is fantastic. It follows the insurance company that's responsible for rebuilding those things that are damaged via superhero brawls in a timely and costly manner. It's basically a walking No-Prize, and I loved every last second of it. The big goofy fun, the way it twisted around what was going on in the Marvel U at the time, the smart laugh-out-loud dialogue; it goes down in the annuls as one of the best series Marvel did in the 80s.

As the years went by, I became more aware of his name and knew that whenever it appeared, good things were sure to follow. Because of him, I gave the animated Justice League a chance and - after the first two terrible seasons - I was rewarded with one of the greatest superhero animated shows on television.

And while I was upset that he killed one of my favorite characters, Gravity, in the Beyond! miniseries, I was pleased as punch when he returned him to life while positioning him for bigger and better things (that never came to pass).

Dwayne McDuffie was pure talent, and if you've never read any of his old stuff you should make a point to do so. I can't really vouch for any of his later, editorial-slaughtered, DC stuff, but his Marvel stuff from the 80s, early 90s, and 00s is pretty fantastic on every level. Assuming, of course, that you enjoy big fun comics where the good guys spout one liners, the bad guys scheme, and in the end good is triumphant.

You'll be missed, Dwayne, but I'm sure you'll be in good hands hanging out with Lincoln and the gang.

Meanwhile, I'm off to find a copy of the animated All-Star Superman, his latest big work. I'm sure it'll be gratuitously awesome, like everything McDuffie did.