The Bill June 15, 2010

Ugh. Disappointing weeks are disappointing. I only bought two books this week and, spoilers, I'm having a hard time choosing which one is the worst. Let's see what happens with my reviews:



Least Disappointing of the Week:

Lockjaw and The Pet Avengers Unleashed # 4
Writer: Chris Eliopoulos
Artist: Ig Guara


Why Pet Avengers? I love you so much, why do you have to do this to me? I'm trying to sing your praises to anyone who will listen and this is how you repay me: with a sub-par finale to a sub-par mini series.

I really, REALLY want this to be good, but it just isn't; it's lacking the magic of that first book. The fun character interplay is gone, the gender-confused Ms. Lion gets way too much panel time, and Throg went from being the emotional center of the team to generic leader type (not to mention that they changed his name from the awesome THROG to the significantly less awesome Frog Thor). I don't know what to say.

The theme of the series was finding one's place in the world, which is great, but they don't set it up at all, aside from Throg. Throg, who's journey we should be focused on, is tossed to the side as we are introduced to the last-minute villain (a little girl) and a hastily tacked on love plot between a Yeti and a Unicorn. While each plotline is about finding oneself and their place in the world, we never feel that moment of realization from anyone because no one is given the time to make that decision on panel.

It was all just kinda... underwhelming.




Most Disappointing of the Week:

Age of Heroes # 2
Writer: Various
Artist: Various


Ugh. Where to start with this thing? So much potential; So much unfulfilled promise.

The book's divided into four stories, two long and two very very short. We get long ones on Gravity (one of my favs) and American Son (ugh), while two short ones on the Young Masters (From the latest Young Avengers mini) and Gauntlet (from Avengers: Initiative). Of the four of them, I was greatly interested in three of them. I'll let you guess which one I didn't care about.

So what sucked about it?

First off the Gravity story, which was supposed to fill in the gap between Avengers: Initiative and Young Allies, was a whole lot of nothing. Here's a guy that has been a victim of circumstance.

His first miniseries is VASTLY under-rated and totally awesome, setting him up to be the Spier-Man for the 2000s in the 616. His next big appearance in the Beyond miniseries, had him showcase what made him so awesome; also it killed him. He came back from the dead during Dwayne McDuffie's Fantastic Four run, and then promptly joined an Initiative team in Nevada when he returned to Earth. The last we saw him, he had been transfered back to his home state of Wisconsin to serve with the Great Lake Avengers, much to his chagrin.

Alright, so background aside, what I wanted from this story is HOW he re-integrated himself back into New York and his life there. People knew he died. People knew he came back. Somehow his identity and all that was erased magically.

What? When? How? Why?

Instead of these answers, we get a story of Gravity deciding he should still be Gravity after he accidentally gets two kids killed during a villain fight. It was just... so not what I wanted to read about.

The Gauntlet and Young Masters stories were even worse. Here are some characters that were introduced and are in great big danger of falling into to limbo. I wanted a great send off for them. Where are they? What're they doing? What's their status quo? Instead we see Gauntlet in Afghanistan congratulating the soliders there for being real heroes (nothing wrong with that sentiment, just not the right place for it), while the Young Masters sit around wondering if they're good or evil. I.. what?!?!

If you can't tell, it was all very frustrating.




And that's all I got this week. All I got that was new anyway. I picked up The List: Wolverine for a dollar and it was AMAZING. Thank god for Jason Aaron and his crazy ideas, otherwise I'd be really upset this week.

Give me a glimmer of hope, how was your week?

Your Monthly Dose of Throg June 2010

A little late this month, but have no fear Throg is here.

I'm changing things up this month. While he had plenty of moments in this months Pet Avengers, leading the herds of mythological beasts to victory against an otherworldly evil, he had quite possibly his most iconic panel.

So I did what any self respecting Throg fan would do (and yes, I respect myself as a Throg fan) and created an inspirational image from it. I think it's pretty boss.



Perfect for AIM, LJ, or Blogger icons, the Throg FUCK YEAH pic will become an internet classic for years to come.

At least it will for me.

Platypus Robot Contest Winners!

With the final bell tolled, all the entries accounted for, and a week to figure out what I'm doing, it's time to announce the winner of The First Annual Platypus Robot Contest.


I could keep yabbering, but what's the fun in that? Let's get to it.

RUNNERS UP!

First up, getting the prize for the most tangentially related contest entry is Fluffy.


This little guy comes from Fluffy's epic webcomic Unity and is, in the man's own words, "a species that is a distant descendant of a platypus, and a copy of this character's neural patterns eventually gets uploaded into a computer that simulates its brain, and then this resulting AI eventually ends up infecting the computer and all of the service robots on the starship they are on"

So there you go. Thanks Fluffy!


Next up, comes this cute little entry from long time reader Katrina:


This little guy is cable ready, but sadly can't reach the AV plugs on his backside. Good job, Katrina!


Rounding out the runners up comes this familiar looking entry from reader Dan L:


Gizmo-Platypus fights for the rights of his people, trying to bring an end to the racial tyranny in DuckBurg. "We all have bills, can't we get along!" Thanks for bringing this issue to the forefront Dan, it's been a long time coming.

Anyway, all three of these entries get a fully enthusiastic digital high five. Great job guys!



SECOND PLACE!

The coveted second place goes to Robert H. and his multiple interpretations of the ol'PR



It's a Platypus for every occasion! Need help in the kitchen? Check the Toaster-Platypus. Help overthrowing a dictatorship? Call up the War-Platypus. Want to.. feel sorry for a robot? Call in the broken one. Inventive and fantastic stuff!

Robert will get a copy of Daredevil 181 and this sketch of his second favorite hero, The Man-Brute Woodgod:



I can't say I didn't warn you about the quality.


FIRST PLACE

Finally, the high sought after first place goes to Emily R and her cute yet destructive entry:


It's hard to argue with his defensive capabilities. Saw blades for when it's time to cut a rug; Lazers to let them know you're serious; and Bubbles, you know, for the kids. AND she went ahead and did a logo. How awesome is that?

Emily gets Daredevil 181-183, a vial of Hulk blood, and this "amazing" sketch of her favorite hero, The Maxx:


And that's all she wrote. Huge thanks to everyone who took the time to enter, every one of your entries brought a huge smile to my face and I couldn't tell you how grateful I was for them. It's because of people like you, and really all the readers that I get, that keep me spouting off about random geekery.

Here's to an even better year two!

Tony wants his money

Now fork it over.

Tony's meta message from the upcoming New Avengers #1 by Bendis and Immonen

The Bill June 9, 2010

Hey hey, would you look at that, it's Wednesday already. You know what that means: It's time for your new favorite comic reviews: The Bill!



Best of the Week:

Young Allies #1
Writer: Sean McKeever
Artist: David Baldeon



My best book of the week hits almost all of my soft spots, making it a shoe-in. Five obscure teen (or teen-ish in Firestar's case) heroes having fun, enjoying they're chosen lot in life, and talking like teens do. It's like poetry in motion. Or, you know, something like that. But, I'm totally in the tank for Sean McKeever, so I might be a bit biased.

Young Allies #1 is a gathering issue. All the heroes show up, the villains do something dasterdly, and we get a sense that it's all going somewhere, but the team doesn't actually officially join up in this issue. It's okay though, because we still get plenty of 'get-to-know-your-heroes' action in that fun, conversational way that McKeever excels at.



As great as I think this series will be, sadly don't see it lasting very long. Alas, I think this one will go down with Slingers, The Order, and all those other obscure hero teams, with a strong, but small fanbase for it's six to twelve issue run.

Sigh. Prove me wrong on this one people!

Worst of the Week:

SHIELD # 2
Writer: Jonathan Hickman
Artist: Dustin Weaver


So it's not that this issue is bad, it's got a lot of imagination, great character designs, fantastic art; it's just not doing anything for me. As I sat down to read it, I couldn't help to think that it might have been a better story if it existed outside the Marvel Universe as an independent book.

The idea of a secret society of world protectors dating back to the Egyptian times is an awesome one, I just keep trying to make it fit into the Marvel U proper. It's totally a 'me' problem, but it takes me out of the story and I'm unable to really engage.



I realize I'm in the vast minority here, and my cred as a comics blogger will be hurt by this, but I don't care: I just can't get into SHIELD. Best of luck Leonardo, you'll have to make the rest of your journey without me.


BONUS:
Avengers Academy #1 (Gage/Mckone) was totally great! I wasn't quite sure when it started, but the twist at the end was fantastic. It'll be interesting to see where it goes. It reads like what I wanted Avengers Initiative read: It's interesting, intriguing, and all the characters in it don't feel like their selling out to be a part of the machine (I'm looking at you Cloud 9!).




And that's all I got for you this week. Suggestions, comments, compliments, or complaints, let me know in the comments. One last question for you: Heralds. Is it worth it?

Nova's Got Priorities

In the midst of a life or death battle, Nova, you're worried about porn?

Nice.

Richard Rider, you might just be the most true-to-life teen hero ever.

From Nova # 5 by Marv "Hairy Like The" Wolfman and "Your Mom's Pal" Sal Buscema.

Weekend Matinee: BAD LIEUTENANT: PORT OF CALL - NEW ORLEANS

That's quite possibly the most unwieldy title I've ever typed. Anyway, this weekends movie is a neo-classic from Werner Herzog staring Nic Cage putting on his best Gary Busey. As you can probably surmise, it's a weird one. Cage spends the majority of the movie getting high, banging prostitutes, chasing away iguanas, and solving a murder in the most unorthodox way.

In this scene (a bit longer than normal, forgive me), Nic Cage interrogates an old woman and her nurse while high on a lack of sleep... and heroin.



The moral: Always tell Nic Cage what he wants to hear or he'll kill you're grandmother!

The Secret of The Terminator: Skynet's Long Con

The Terminator series seems easy to sum up: An evil artificial intelligence from the future (Skynet) keeps sending killer robots to the past to kill the future leader of the human resistance (John Connor), but fails. It's pretty straight forward until you start thinking about it, then it falls apart.

Why not kill John Connor when he's five, instead of 13? Why not kill his mother when she's a little girl? Why not send more than one robot back at a time? Or go back further and kill her parents? And so on and so forth. As I was wrestling with these questions (as I tend to do) it hit me:

Skynet isn't trying to kill John Connor. Skynet is trying to weaken the human resistance by changing who John Connor is.



Let's take this thing piece by piece. First up, Skynet.

Skynet was the world's first and last man-made intelligence created to assist in military operations and generally keep everyone safe. As happens with artificial intelligence, it became self aware and opted to wipe out the human race (you know, like you do). We can surmise that as a super intelligent computer, Skynet can comprehend things that the human mind can barely wrap it's thoughts around, like the Fourth Dimension.

If we can believe that Skynet can create a time platform (which it did), then we we have to believe that it knows the consequences of it's actions. It knows that to change too much in the past would be to alter the future in unforeseen ways, possibly in ways that Skynet doesn't exist. Couple this with the John Connor led human resistance turning the tide in the war, and Skynet's motive becomes clear.

Let's move on to John Connor. When we first meet him in The Terminator, John is a capable, cunning, strategic genius leading the human resistance to victory. For clarity sake I'm going to call this John Conner, AlphaJohn as he's our model of what John should be.



AlphaJohn was raised in Los Angeles, CA by a single mother who taught him how to work hard to get what he wanted. She instilled in him the strength that he now uses to lead the resistance. While his life wasn't perfect, his experiences shaped him to be the great leader that he is. So when it came time to save his mother from time-travelling robots, he didn't hesitate to send his best solider to save her and Kyle Reese was proud to go on the mission.

And so, AlphaJohn walked right into Skynet's trap.



The first Terminator movie follows Sarah Connor as she escapes these killer robots with the help of Kyle Reese. Throughout the film, the two are drawn closer and totally bang out without protection (as people tend to do when they share a traumatic experience). And as you would expect, Sarah gets pregnant.



It's here that the first major divergence is made: Kyle Reese is now John's father. This John, OmegaJohn, will be born into a world where his mother knows the 'future' and will put into his head at a young age that he is to be the savior of humanity. It's time for the next phase of Skynet's plan.



Terminator 2 starts with John Connor leading the human resistance, this time just a strong thorn in Skynet's side instead of having it on the ropes. This John, BetaJohn, learns of a time-travelling assassination plot and opts to send his own Terminator back in time to stop it and save himself. Already this John is different than his predecessor, being more comfortable with machines than people and unable to scrounge up a volunteer for the mission.

The T-1000, Skynet's assassin, arrives in the past with the with the orders to find Sarah Connor and use her as bait for John. And so, the second phase of Skynet's plan starts to fall into place.

OmegaJohn at this point has a fairly stable family life. Sure he's the son of a crazy woman currently in a mental hospital, but his foster family offer him the strong familial presence that will guide him to being a pretty good leader. When the movie begins, he's in the midst of his teenage rebellious phase, a crucial point in his development.



While ultimately the T-1000 fails to kill OmegaJohn or Sarah, he succeeds in bringing the two together and eliminating OmegaJohn's foster family. Sarah, now more than ever sure about the future, will push OmegaJohn to be a better solider and reenforce his messiah complex, but will neglect to foster the experiences that really shape him into a hero.

Skynet's plan is almost complete.



Skynet has already partially succeeded when Terminator 3 begins; John Connor (GammaJohn, if you're keeping track) has been killed. Unfortunately for Skynet, the resistance is propelled forward by GammaJohn's loving wife Kate. As a result, Skynet sends another assassin, the T-X, back in time to eliminate Kate, or so it seems. Meanwhile Kate pulls her best GammaJohn impression and sends back her own robot protector, The T-850, to keep her and John safe in the past.

When we meet OmegaJohn in Terminator 3 he's a lonely drifter, paranoid and living off the grid. His mother's teachings about how the machines would rise up have alter John almost completely leaving him a shell of the man he would be. Given time, he'd figure out how to be that man (mostly) meet Kate and ultimately marry her, Skynet hopes to speed the process along.



For all the help it brings, the T-850 does more harm than good. In order to protect the both Kate and OmegaJohn, the robot brings the two of them together before they were supposed to meet AND reveals their future together. OmegaJohn ought to be used to this by now, but surely Kate was not and seems to resent OmegaJohn throughout most of the movie.

In the end the T-X doesn't kill Kate or OmegaJohn, but does succeed in hindering their relationship. As the film ends, our destined lovers find themselves trapped in a bomb shelter, alone, as they ride out Judgement Day.



Something tells me that Kate is a woman who likes to make up her own mind and doesn't like to be told who she's going to marry without having a say. That nugget of resentment will fester, and ultimately hinder her in the future.

Finally Skynet's plan is complete. We're left with a completely ineffectual John Connor, and now is the time eliminate the humans for good.



Enter Terminator: Salvation, the fruits of Skynet's labors. Here OmegaJohn is a half-crazed, reckless solider with a messiah complex desperately trying to get the resistance to listen to him. HIs life experiences, instead of making him the capable leader have made him a lunatic that few truly believe in.



Ultimately, in this future, Skynet will succeed in destroying the human race and won't have to resort to using time-travelling robots to do so.

That's how Skynet pulled off the greatest long con in all of fiction.

The Bill June 2, 2010

I've decided it's time to add my voice to the chorus of reviewers out there with a weekly review feature. So welcome to The Bill (get it?), where i'll showcase the best and worst of the what I bought this week. Excited? You will be.



The Best

Hawkeye and Mockingbird #1
Writer: Jim McCann
Artist: David Lopez

I wish every first issue was like this one. It starts with a fun action sequence that leads into a larger mystery while establishing the setup of the book. It seems so easy, yet so many have problems figuring this out (I'm looking at you Bendis!).

I'll be real honest with you, I kinda have a hidden passion for Hawkeye. Not in everything (like that 2005 miniseries of his or his recent stint with the New Avengers), but generally when he's in a fun solo book I'm totally on board.

The book reminds me a lot of Solo Avengers, where no time was wasted getting to the action. Picking up from where the New Avengers Reunion miniseries ended, Hawk and Mock takes the marching orders of Low-angst/High-action and runs with it, setting up enough intrigue to keep me coming back.

It's really just great, old-school fun and you should totally check it out.



The Worst

Vengeance of Moon Knight # 9
Writer: Gregg Hurwitz
Artist: Juan Jose Ryp

Speaking of old-school, Moon Knight # 9 is an example of an old-school fill-in (Clever segue, right?). In this issue Moony runs into Spidey (literally) and together they work to take down the Sandman, who is giant for no apparent reason. It's not a bad tale, it just comes off as very generic.

Moon Knight is a weird book for me, I buy it but I'm not sure why. The series started strong with the man swinging back into action and fighting off the crazy, but as the series has progressed I'm struck by the somewhat sloppy storytelling and just general lack of "umph" from the book. There's nothing that really pops when I read it. Which is bad, especially when I'm spending four bucks on it.

Only check this one out if your some kind of completist, be it Moony, Spidey, or Sandy. Otherwise you can let this one slip past and never miss it.



And there it is. I'm gonna try to make this a regular thing, probably on Wednesdays unless I cant make it to the store that day. If you want to know anything more about these two books, or think I totally missed out on something amazing this week, let me know in the comments.

Things I Like: Thunderbolts!

You know what's crazy? The fact that the Thunderbolts is still around. Not just around, but a core component of the Marvel Universe. Not bad for a gimmick team launched in the 90s.



I don't mean that to come off as harsh as it sounds. I'm honestly just shocked that it's still around. Of all the lasting concepts floating around the Marvel offices, if you had told me that one of the neo-classics would be Thunderbolts back in 1996 I would have laughed you out of the state.

Well, maybe not. I was pretty young and impressionable. And there was no accounting for my taste, if my huge X-Force collection is any indication.



Back to the point, I'm shocked that this happened.

Did you know that in seven issues, Thunderbolts will become the second longest non-X team book in the Marvel line? Right now that title is held by The Defenders, and it's looking like it'll secede it's title within the year.

Crazy!



I'm actually pretty excited for The Thunderbolts. For a book that had everything stacked against it (a gimmick, the 1990s, no X in the title), it did really well surviving the times and becoming the integral part of the universe it is today. And now with the inclusion of one of my favorite characters, a new direction, and a great creative team the future seems to be super shiny for this almost 15(!!) year-old team.

Now start reading it so they don't go canceling it on me.