Insane Speculation about Marvel Legacy

So, did you hear about this new Marvel thing: Marvel Legacy?  

You can read about it here, but it's basically a return to form for Marvel. Classic characters back in their status quo (yay?), a return to legacy numbering (thank fucking God), corner boxes on covers, fan reach out stuff (like FOOM and hopefully bullpen bits); basically it's Marvel's version of DC Rebirth.  Which, hey, I'm all about.

Don't get me wrong, I hate to see the House of Ideas become a recycling center, but I love the basic intent: energize the base, tell good stories, and expand from there.  No joke, DC Rebirth was one of the best comics I read in 2016 and had one of my favorite moments ever in all of comics (I'm a sucker for big, heartfelt returns).  And that's coming from a life-long Marvel zombie!  To think that Marvel might actually pull something off half as good fills me with all kinds of optimism I haven't felt since…  Well, at least a decade.

And just to head you off at the pass, while I'm excited for things like legacy numbering and fan reach out stuff, I'm less excited for the return of the classic status quo.  While I don't read a lot of books right now, I like the idea of JaneThor, Miles, and SamNova and most definitely don't want to see those rolled back.  However, if we could see Sam and Miles develop a strong rogues gallery all their own so they could become their own heroes not living in the shadows of their predecessors, well that'd be just peachy.

Anyway, I'm not here to give you unsolicited opinions about Marvel Legacy.  I'm here to mindlessly speculate about Marvel Legacy.  And everything begins with these quotes:

"Let's just say there's a last-page reveal that's probably gonna break the Internet." - Axel 

Alonzo

"[It's] the return of a central piece of Marvel mythos that readers have been mourning in recent months" - Tom Brevoort

So yeah, at the end of the big relaunch book will be a huge reveal of a Marvel Mythos that will break the internet.  People are already speculating that it's the return of the Fantastic Four (which is the easy money right now) or the first 616 appearance of Miracleman (or Marvelman, if you're a traditionalist), but they're both wrong.

The reveal is totally going to be about Mephisto and the Spider-marriage.

I know, I know, it's totally insane, but hear me out and you'll realize just how sane it sounds.

1- "Readers mourning" = Readers loving Renew your vows

Undoing the Spider-Marriage by way of demonic intervention was always a bitter pill to swallow and it made me (a staunch supporter of the marriage) vow to never buy another Spider-book until it was undone.  And then they launched Renew Your Vows which was the exact book I (and presumably many others) was looking for.  Reading it has reminded me just how great that Peter MJ relationship is and why it was such a shitty idea to get rid of it in the first place.  Which is probably why…

2- Mary Jane is returning to the Spider-books

After being sidelined for years and most recently getting shipped off to Iron Man, MJ makes her triumphant return to the world of webs in Chip Zdarsky's new 'back to basics' Spectacular Spider-Man book.  However, it also said that he's modeling Peter and MJ's relationship after his with his ex-wife, so they could just end up being weirdo pals.  However… 

3- Mephisto has been a plot point in Spider-Man/Deadpool

This, well, let me show you two excerpts from Spider-Man/Deadpool #5 from Joe Kelly and Ed Mcguiness:

Click to embiggen so you can read it!

Sounds like a man (er…  demon) with a plan.  Maybe someone who has the power, ability, and motive to bend reality around a person (or people because it's both him and Mary Jane) to make them experience a vast emptiness and therefore unhappiness with their life.  Which almost sounds like what DC is doing with Dr. Manhattan in Rebirth.  I mean, after all, if you're going to copy something, why not go all out:

4- Mephisto will be the Dr. Manhattan of Marvel Legacy

In Rebirth, the big reveal was that some God-like creature stole time from the universe, rejected happiness, and generally put the heroes onto the path of despair.  In a meta sense, it was a great way to explain away some terrible story decisions and gently reset the world as if they never happened.  Who's to say Mephisto couldn't be the same kind of force for Marvel?  Maybe his deal with Peter and MJ was less "I'll take your marriage for your Aunt's life" and more "I'll take everyone's happiness for your Aunt's life".  Which would explain why fs all of the big company wide crossovers have been increasingly about heroes fighting other heroes as opposed to, you know, bad guys.

I guess we'll find out this Fall what the reveal is.  Oh, which reminds me, there is one big anniversary coming up this November:

5- November is the 10th Anniversary of One More Day

Huh.  Can you believe that.  Ten years since they shoved the Spider-Marriage 'genie' back into the bottle.  It was such a big deal that then-EiC Joe Quesada took time out of his busy schedule to pencil the whole thing and give us that one iconic cover:

Crazy.  And who's doing the big, four-page foldout cover for Marvel Legacy?

Right.  I'm sure that doesn't mean anything.

So…  do you still think I'm totally insane?

The (Possible) Marvel Reboot.

Today Marvel had a big press conference about their latest Earth-Shattering crossover, Secret Wars, and it looks like it might actually live up to the hype.  In said press conference they announced this crossover would be the climax for the story that's been running in Hickman's New Avengers about different Earths smashing into each other.  And, surprising no one, said crossover would involve the Ultimate and 616 Marvel Universe smashing into each other and becoming something new.

To quote Tom Brevoort himself, "The Marvel Universe as you know it is done."

To say I am unhappy with this is an understatement.

I get what they're trying to do.  They (Marvel) wants to make the Marvel Universe a place that's accessible to everyone (and especially the younger set) by doing away with the years and years of awesome, weird, and ugly stories that they've accumulated throughout the years.  They're probably thinking that by streamlining everything they'll get more readers because they won't feel as daunted by the vast history staring them in the face.

It's a noble goal, to be sure, but it's crazy flawed.  Continuity isn't a hold up for kids, it's a hold up for adults.  

Way back when I started reading, I jumped into the middle of the most continuity driven era of X-Men ever and I loved it.  I didn't really know who all the players were or what was really going on, but I was excited to discover it all.  I would pour over manuals, guides, trading cards, you name it so I could learn who all these weird characters were.  And then that expanded to the multiverse, then to other universes and whatever new fun continuity popped up.  It left me with all kinds of weird trivial knowledge that I'll never really need outside of terrible Geek gameshows.

It was my hobby, and like all good hobbies when you're younger, it kinda took all my attention.

But, as I got older and my attention was needed elsewhere - like paying rent, getting a girlfriend, and hanging out with real people - my focus became diffused and I didn't have time to worry about all the ancillary comic stories and continuities.  I knew what I liked (the 616) and I only wanted to read the stories set in that universe and not waste my precious brain resources on anything else(sorry Ultimates, MC2, and 2099).  And that's not to mention my outright refusal to try to learn any new universes (sorry Valiant, I'm sure you're awesome).

Anecdotal?  Maybe.  Just consider this:  When was a last time a kid didn't think they were ready for, say, the latest issue of Avengers because they hadn't read the 50 years of books leading up to it?  You know who does that?  Adults.

If Marvel really wanted to appeal more to a younger set, they ought to refocus their books to be more about the big fights and less about conversations.  Maybe if they stopped doing 6 issue arcs for everything, tightened up the storytelling, and just started having more fun with the stuff they can do they'd get that audience they want.  But as it stands, they're courting an audience who won't care at the expense of the ones who do.

I really hope I'm blowing this announcement out of proportion.  I very much wish that this crossover ends up being like all the rest with minor cosmetic changes to the 616 and maybe a few new characters hanging around (I'm looking at you, Miles.)

Otherwise, it's been a good run Marvel, but I'm too old to learn a whole new history.  

Original Sin: The Best Marvel Event In A While

Original Sin might be Marvel's best event crossover since Civil War.  But instead of trading on controversial character actions, Original Sin seems to be more interested in high adventure and boundless imagination (and maybe one controversial character action).

The setup was simple enough:  Someone murdered The Watcher and now someone has weaponized the secrets he accumulated over the years.  Now I'll admit, I was a little worried about this whole setup coming in.  Most of the time when someone uses the "Everything you knew was wrong" trope, everything's a little worse for wear.  Fortunately, the only big big reveal that came out of this whole thing was about Nick Fury, which I'll get to in a minute.

Anyway, with the mystery of the Watcher's murder hanging thick in the air, a ragtag group of heroes - including Moon Knight, Dr Strange, The Winter Soldier, among others - are assembled to follow the clues to find who really did it.  And I'll tell you, it was nice to see some lower tier guys get the spotlight in a big crossover like this.  Not that I don't like seeing Iron Man and Captain America mixing it up, but you know, the universe is bigger than just the Avengers.

And lemme tell you, it's fucking great!  The Punisher and Dr. Strange hanging out in a nether realm talking about the merits of murder, The Orb beating the Avengers with an eye of the Watcher, and Nick Fury being the biggest badass in the galaxy; What's not to like?

And listen, I understand if you're shaking your head at the Nick Fury stuff.

A bit of SPOILERS here, please just skip on down if you don't want this big reveal spoiled for you (more than it already has).  So, as it turns out, Nick Fury has become an old man since he got replaced (stupidly) by his long lost son Marcus 'Nick Fury Jr' Johnson - Seriously though, if you're mom got murdered while trying to protect you, wouldn't you keep her name?  What kind of asshole takes the name of his deadbeat dad instead?  I would rather they have brought over the Ultimate Nick Fury during some shitty crossover than this ridiculousness.  But, that's a deal for another day - Ahem.  Where was I?

Right.  The real Nick Fury.  So apparently the effects of giving up the last of the Infinity Formula to keep Bucky alive post-Fear Itself have finally taken their toll on the old warhorse and have made him age appropriate.  That is, he's turned into Bruce Wayne from Batman Beyond; old, crotchety, and supported by a cane.  But while that was the biggest physical reveal, it wasn't the BIG reveal.  That honor goes to Nick's reveal of his job all these years:  The Frontline Defense for Earth aka The Man on The Wall.

It's actually not a terrible setup, but one that falters a little when you think of the stuff Nick let come through.  Sure he was out there murdering rogue planets and developing inter-dimensional bullets, but he was also letting things like Maximum Security (The Earth is chosen to become an intergalactic prison), Secret Invasion (where the Skrulls nearly took over the planet while Nick was busy starring at photographs), and infinity (where Thanos made a run at Earth, landed, and fucked stuff up) happen when he probably could have stopped those from starting.

Regardless, the idea is neat, even if the last thing the Marvel Universe needs at this point is another secret society (Nick hangs with a bunch of LMDs, that's a society in my book) that's secretly running/protecting the world from stuff.  Do you think they ever got in each other's way?  Like, one group is trying to, I dunno, stop an intergalactic war by doing something that totally undermines whatever the opposite group is attempting.  Maybe that's the real reason Operation: Galactic Storm happened.

Back to the book, the only thing I'm not to hot on is the art.  Mike Deodato does some fantastic stuff with some of the craziest layouts ever, but it's totally not my thing.  I respect what he does, but it's too… muddy for me.  It's like Neal Adams' stuff fell into an inkwell but with more boobs.  

In a way, the series reminds me of The Infinity Gauntlet as something that can is very much of the era and can stand on it's own fairly well.  I mean sure, The Infinity Gauntlet had much more story lead up and had the craziest, highest stakes ever, but in the end you could just read those six issues and get nearly the full story of what was going on.  Meanwhile Original Sin, in a welcome change from other modern event crossovers, tells a full story over the course of 8 issues while giving enough motivation to any spin-off series that wants to exist.

I really hope this is the model of events for Marvel moving forward.  You know, assuming that they insist on doing these with increased frequency (I see that Axis starts next month… sigh) it'd be nice if the actual event was worth reading and not something utterly disappointing like the past dozen or so.  In the meantime, at least I got this one and it was pretty awesome. 

Deathlok In Name Only

If you keep up on your comic news and/or are a viewer of Marvel's Agents of Shield, then you might be aware that they just recently added a bonafide superhero to their ranks, namely Deathlok.  Or at least, that's what all the hype (both sanctioned and fan-generated) would have you believe going into their last new episode.  Sadly, who they introduced has about as much to do with Deathlok as they do with Captain America.

For those of you not in the know, AoS's Deathlok is Mike Peterson, the super-ish human from the pilot episode.  He ran around the pilot episode as a man corrupted by the power he was given, trying desperately to show his son he was a hero while coming off more like a monster; Standard tragic hero stuff.  For a one off, it wasn't terrible even though I personally hoped that he was someone from the Marvel catalogue and not someone made up whole cloth for the show.  

Ten episodes later, Mike showed back up as a Shield agent in training until he was assigned to a mission with the team that brought him in originally.  And of course, in the name of dramatic twists, he betrayed the team and met his apparent demise running between two exploding trucks (like you do).  Alas, he wasn't dead, just missing a leg and kinda singed with a spy camera implanted in his brain ready to blackmail him into doing more misdeeds.

In the latest episode, T.R.A.C.K.S, he received a fancy bionic leg and got all stone cold killer on us.  After his rampage, at the end of the episode as he's asking the people on the other side of his blackmailing camera eye if he can see his son again, the camera zooms WAY into his leg to show us that it is indeed the fabled 'PROJECT: Deathlok'.

It's just…  ugh.  Like most of Marvel's Agents of Shield, it misses the point.

You know, if this was a licensed show (like how X-Men and the Fantastic Four are licensed properties to Fox), I would be less disappointed, but it's because of Marvel Studios fantastic track record of adaptations that makes this sting.  I expect this kind of hodgepodge mentality when it comes to other executives who think they know better, but not something under the fantastic stewardship of Kevin Fiege.

Deathlok, at his core, his a character about humanity: It's a man fighting against technology to reclaim his identity.  Honestly, he's Robocop, just instead of a Detroit police officer he's a solider.  Meanwhile, Mike Peterson is a man fighting for redemption, like The Hulk.  He's made some mistakes, but always for noble reasons, and now has to prove that he's better than the monster he's made out to be.  It's a fantastic arc, but it's not a Deathlok arc.  You can't just slap a robot leg on him and call it Deathlok; that's disingenuous to the character.  Both of them.

I had really high hopes for Marvel's Agents of Shield coming into the season, but all it has done since is let me down.  The characters are bland, the stories are shoddy, and now they're not respecting the source material.  Worse, the show runners come off as smug assholes when responding to valid criticisms about the show.  

For the record, I don't really want Agents of Shield to feature a new superhero every week or am holding out hope that Tony Stark is going to show up.  I just want the show to be compelling, with interesting characters and engaging plots, but if they opt to debut a hero from the books in the show, I want them to be faithful to their core.  

So far, they're off to a terrible start.

  

The Threshold

Real Talk:  Infinity is not very good.

It's cold, impersonal, and ultimately pretty boring.  Sure, it has some real epic set pieces, but that junk don't make an impact if I don't care about who or what it's impacting.  And don't even get me started on how the whole Thanos thing feels shoehorned into this over-arcing plot about The Builders and the Ex Nilhos;  it's tenuous at best, but mostly it's just terrible.

But, even though I complain and complain, I'm still going to buy the final issue next week.  Why?  Because I have the other five.  And therein lies the rub.

It was about a decade ago now when I made the conscious effort to stop buying books on inertia.  If I  wasn't enjoying the direction of the book, the creative team, or was just generally not excited about reading it anymore then I wasn't going to read it anymore.  It's a solid policy that's harder than you'd think to enforce, but aside from the odd Secret Warriors run, I've been pretty good at staying true.  

Except,  I just can never figure out the right time to stop buying a miniseries.

Take, for example, Infinity:  It's first couple of issues were good enough to warrant the buy, but after issue 4 I found myself increasingly disengaged with the story on a whole.  Culminating on the point I find myself at today:  I have five issues of a six issue miniseries, so I feel I need to see how it concludes, but I'm not really excited by it.  

I passed the point of no return and now am bound by my stupid feelings of completion to finish off the series.  It sucks.

So the question is:  Where is that Threshold?  What's the optimal number of issues to buy of a miniseries before making a true decision whether to continue or not.

Clearly, buying the first issue is a given.  It gives you a good sense of the tone, style, and hopefully has some gripping plot point that keeps you going.  A great first issue goes a long way to getting me to buy at least the next two to three issues and or looking out for the eventual trade.  A good one has me looking out for the next issue, and of course a bad one has me never going back to that well.  Seems simple enough, right?

Second issues is where things start getting dicey.  If it's no good, or just generally doesn't expand on the promise of the first, I'm out.  If it's good enough, I'll give it another go around before I opt for something more re-reading convenient.  And therein lies the dicey.  

Third issues are trouble because typically (at least with the newer 6-issue series) this is where something big happens that makes you (or me at least) feel the need to buy the next issue.  Then suddenly your four issues into a series you weren't sure about that's going to end in another issue and you might as well keep the train moving.

In other words, we end up where I am with Infinity.  Bleh.

I find myself at a loss.  I don't know how to solve this little conundrum.  So, how do you get around this?  How do you decide when to stop buying a middling miniseries?  Or better, when do you decide to stop buying single issues and just switch to trades?  

I'm curious if any of you have any tips for me and my issues with issues.

Also, does anyone really like Infinity?  

The X-Force That Could Have Been

Can you imagine a world where Shatterstar had a logical hairline? Where Magik was part of Cable's Crew? Or where Feral doesn't exist? Well, prepare for a glimpse:

Now, I can't decide if this was used as a pitch for the first X-Force book or if it was just tease designed to excite readers to something new from the New Mutants book. Could go either way, I suppose. All I know is that I'm glad I live in a world with Feral.

This Fringe-Like 'over there' look courtesy of New Mutants Annual #6

Who Is Marvel's Batman

Namor and Aquaman. Green Arrow and Hawkeye. Deathstroke and Deadpool. Superman and The Sentry. Swamp Thing and Man Thing. The Green Lantern Corps and the Nova Corps. It's not hard to find analogous characters when looking at the catalogs of both DC and Marvel. These homages (or rip-offs, if you want to be mean) are a time honored tradition between the two companies. However, there has been one character that doesn't quite have a clear analogue: Batman.

Not that Marvel hasn't tried; far from it. Over the years, Marvel has put forth a litany of characters that try to invoke the same ideas of Batman - without sinking into the murky waters of copyright infringement - with little success.

So of the minor successes, who is the Marvel analogue for Batman? Let's take a look at the top candidates:

______________________________

Moon Knight

Moon Knight (Post-werewolf hunter beginnings and Pre-current crazy Bendis makeover) has oft been considered the man to beat when it comes to Bat-Analogues. I'll admit that it's a pretty easy case to make when you take a glance at the character: He's highly trained, works at night, has tons of gadgets, and has a rich alter ego. Hell, he even has a crazy, murderous ex-sidekick.

However, once you dig a little bit deeper, the whole thing starts to fall apart. Even before his recent schizophrenic turn, Moonie wasn't the most sane of heroes. Donning up to three different alter egos in a manner that would make Stanislavski proud, he probably did more to scare his closest friends than his deadliest enemies. Further more, he has a penchant for being a little overly violent, like when he cut the face off of Bushman a few years back. I know Bats has done some extreme things in the past, but he tends to stop short of physical mutilation.

In the end, Moon Knight is more akin to the 90s AzBats everyone hates than he is the Bruce Wayne Batman everyone likes.

Pros: Night-themed, lots of Gadgets, Rich.
Cons: Crazy, Overly Violent.
Percentage Batman: 85%

The Shroud

The Shroud is definitely the dark horse on the list. Created in 1975, He's a blind, mystically-augmented, cape-wearing vigilante that one the surface doesn't seem like he'd be similar to The Bat. In a twist from Moon Knight, as you dig deeper into the character, the more similar to Batman he becomes.

Tell me when this sounds familiar: Ten year old rich kid, Maximillian Coleridge, is orphaned when his parents are killed in front of him by a common criminal. From there he devotes his life to justice, studying criminology while keeping his body in peak form. In an attempt to take one further step into awesome crimefighterhood, he travels to the east to work with some monks... who end up blinding him to unlock his mystic potential.

Now, blind, he's able to access a mystic extrasensory perception that allows him to see everything around him at once - Kinda like Daredevil, but without the radioactivity.

Since then, he's gained the ability to access a darkforce dimension that allows him to teleport wherever he wants to be. So, yeah, that kinda puts him in the 'definitely not Batman' camp. However, given his look and his origin, I couldn't not put him on the list. He's the analogue for when DC finally goes crazy and gives Batman powers, which I'm sure they'll do at some point...

Pros: Traumatized by Parents Murder, devoted life to Justice, got special training from Monks...
Cons: ...Those monks blinded him. Also he has mystic powers.
Percentage Batman: 65%


Nighthawk

In a way, Nighthawk was literally created to be a Bat-Knockoff. In another way, he's the farthest thing from it. Put on your comics hat, things are about to become confusing.

Okay, so as a fun not-crossover-crossover, Roy Thomas created a JLA Analogue to fight the Avengers called the Squadron Supreme. The team was comprised of a superstrong flying guy (Hyperion), a super fast runner (The Whizzer), a man possessed with an otherworldly stone that gave him energy powers (Doctor Spectrum), and a regular human vigilante (Nighthawk). Simple enough, right? Wrong. That team came from an entirely different dimension that only occasionally, never permanently.

The version of Nighthawk running around the Marvel Universe right now was first recruited by the villainous Gamesmaster to be an evil version of his alternate dimension persona. After a brief flirtation with being the bad guy, Nighthawk came to the side of the angels becoming a charter member of The Defenders. Still with me?

So, convolutedness aside, it's Nighthawk's alter ego that makes him like Batman. As Kyle Richardson, Nighthawk runs a multi-national corporation that gives him the resources to fight crime that would make anyone jealous (except probably Moon Knight because he's got his own cash flow). More recently, Kyle's given up the mantle of Nighthawk to Joaquin Pennysworth in a move similar to Bruce giving up the mantle of the Bat to Dick Grayson. So he's like a Batman Incorporated Bruce Wayne now, without the galavanting the world and making out with a Catwoman analogue.

Pros: Literally created to be a knockoff Batman. Rich. Runs a company.
Cons: Was briefly evil. Crazy convoluted origin.
Percentage Batman: 73%

__________________________________

The more I think about it, there's only one answer to this question. There's only one character in the Marvel Universe with a history of taking down enemies way more powerful than them, someone with deep ties to supergroups both big and small, has at least one dead sidekick in their past, and dresses like a rodent.

That's right, Marvel's Batman is none other than Squirrel Girl.

And she would totally kick Batman's ass.

The Greatest Amusement Park Ever

Hey, lookit that, it's 2012!

Crazy how time flies and all that. How was your holiday? Me, I ended up visiting sunny Orlando Florida and the greatest amusement park I've ever been to: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

No wait. That's not how it looked. Lemme try that again, this time with a non-promotional picture.

Yeah, that's more like it. Because it ain't Harry Potter Land - Yes, that's what I'm going to call it from now on - without at least 10 people per square foot. But before I get into all that, allow me to introduce another 'land' from the same park for some perspective on just how cool Harry Potter Land is: The Marvel Super-Heroes Island of Adventure!

Since it was announced sometime in the late 90s, Marvel Land - at least I'm consistent with my naming conventions - has been a dream destination of mine. Seriously, what could be cooler than an entire section of an amusement park dedicated to my favorite four-color heroes? (don't answer that) Suffice to say, after a decade and a half, I had kind of built the place up in my mind to be the best thing ever. Unfortunately, the reality of the place didn't quite live up.

"Are you sure this wasn't something else before it was Marvel Land," I continuously asked the Florida-native FutureWife to her constant denials.

To be honest, there was nothing really bad about Marvel Land, there just wasn't anything special. Sure, there were cool little easter eggs here and there (a random Nelson and Murdock sign, Daily Bugle Newspaper dispensers, among other things), but on a whole the place looked like Tomorrowland with Marvel Heroes cut and pasted onto the buildings. Simply put, everything was very surface.

If Universal lost the rights to Marvel amusement parks tomorrow (which could happen now that they have Disney behind them), that land could be easily and quickly altered to something new. Tear down those giant cutouts of Dr. Doom and Magneto and you're left with just another futuristic looking city street ready to be anything from... uh... well, something futuristic. You get my point, it's generic looking.

Where Marvel Land was everything you expect from a typical amusement park, Harry Potter Land was the complete opposite. Where Marvel was all surface with random shoutouts here and there as an afterthought, Harry Potter was a fully immersive environment with everything in a very specific place to evoke a very specific feel. It was amazing.

Walking through the gates, you're immediately transported to the cobblestone streets of Hogsmead with it's quaint, and decidedly British, feel. All of the major shops from the books are represented, becoming more rides than shopping experiences with their attention to detail, movie-accurate merchandise - aside from the ubiquitous T-shirts and such that are readily available at almost every shop, of course - and completely in character staff throughout. However, while all this immersion is totally awesome, it only acerbates the worst part of amusement parks: Lines.

As cool as it is that every store, bathroom, and eatery in Harry Potter Land is it's own unique experience, it kind of hard to enjoy it when you're packed in like sardines. I honestly don't think I was able to take a full step forward the entire time I was at the park. Everything thing from Olivander's to the streets of Hogsmead were was full of shuffling and shoulder bumping as we attempted to get from one awesome sight to the next, but never enjoying the stroll down those cobblestone streets. And then there's the huge lines outside each and every store, requiring a solid 20 minute wait to do anything from entering Honey Dukes to buying Butterbeer (which is amazing BTW). While the whole land was amazing, it was certainly a test of my patience after an hour or so.

Seeing Harry Potter Land opened up my thinking to how awesome amusement parks can be. Hopefully the lessons that are learned from this money machine isn't that the kids want more literary lands - The FutureWife seems convinced that they'll use this success as a reason to make a Twilight amusement park. I hope against hope she's wrong - and instead are more interested in totally immersive parks. Imagine a Star Wars park decked out like Tatooine, A Lord of the Rings park made out to be part Minas Tirith and part Mt. Doom...

Or a Marvel Park decked out to look like a New York Street destroyed in a superhuman fight with very specific easter eggs and a real reason for the 'face' characters to run around. Now that's the park I wanted to see when I was 11. Here's hoping that's not too far off, now that Harry Potter has shown that it's possible.

The Bill December 8, 2011

The Bill:

Did you like how, after a full month of nothing but new comic reviews, I ended up skipping a week last week? If nothing else, I'm trying to keep y'all on your toes. Just when you think I'm gonna zig, I dig and shatter your perceptions...

Of online comic reviews...

on a small blogger site.

YEAH!

Ka-pew!

Whatever. Let's get this show on the road, shall we?




Old-School At Its Best:

The Defenders
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Terry Dodson




I want to know where this Matt Fraction was during Fear Itself.

Where Fear Itself felt over extended, limp, and half-baked, The Defenders is just the opposite. It's a fresh take on a old property, told in a manner that's satisfying to the buyer of a single issue, but still (potentially) satisfying in a trade. In a scant twenty pages, Fraction does in one issue what it takes Bendis to do in three. And it's honestly pretty amazing.

The story is pretty basic: A crazy new threat pops up and it comes to Dr. Strange to put a stop to it all. You know, standard stuff. From there, it's a refreshingly brisk, and active, tour of the world as Strange assembles his team around him. You can tell that Fraction is having a blast with all these characters and has no shortage of ideas.

The only odd stand-out, from a character perspective, is Fraction's take on the Silver Surfer. I don't know if it's a fall out from the Galactus Seed story line over the The Mighty Thor, or something that Greg Pak did in his mini-series, but the Surfer seemed very.... fluid. Literally. Something happened and now the Surfer is apparently made up of a sentient pool of liquid in the shape of a man. Is this a new thing? Can someone shed some light on this for me?

Weirdness aside, I very much enjoyed this issue. In this of four dollar comics, it's very nice (and sadly rare) to read an issue that's worth the money. The Defenders is certainly worth it, and I hope it's a trend that continues on into the future.

The Punisher's Aging Problem

As I was driving to work today, I was stuck behind a Chevy S10 with a walker bungied to the bed. Just above it, stuck to the rear window of the cab, was a sticker that read: Proud Vietnam Vet. The juxtaposition of these things lead me to one thought: The Punisher's getting old. Like, really old.

As a point of reference, consider the miniseries Punisher: Born.

In this gripping, but dark-as-all-get-out pre-origin story, we see Frank dealing with the dark days of the Vietnam War during his third tour in 1971. A quick extrapolation of dates puts Frank between 20 and 25 years old during this period. Tack on thirty years to get him to present day, and suddenly Frank becomes a very angry middle-aged man.

So ol' Frank finds himself in a unique position in the Marvel Universe. For most heroes, the sliding and compressed timeline isn't so much of an issue. Changing small details like locations (See Iron Man going from the jungles of Asia to the deserts of the Middle East) or motivations (See the Fantastic Four going from a race against the Communists to an unbridled sense of adventure) aren't a huge deal because the core tenants of the origin still remain. For The Punisher though, it's different, he's intrinsically tied to the Vietnam War.

More than the tragic death of his family, It's the horror and atrocity of Vietnam that shaped Frank Castle into The Punisher. Call it a stereotype bias, but there's something infinitely more tragic about soldiers fighting in a war only to be disregarded (or worse) when they returned home than there is in a modern day soldier. It's that combination of seeing/doing horrible things with the lack of public support when he returned that makes The Punisher who he is, the death of his family is just what keeps him going.

Of course there are methods to aging slowly in the Marvel Universe. From magical formulas (I'm looking at you, Nick Fury) to the classic de-aging trick (Magneto, Xavier please stand up), there are some definitely options to help Frank still stay relevant while approaching old age. The problem is, of course, that the fans don't like to mix their vigilante justice with magical Marvel technologies, as witnessed in the massive flops that were Angel-Punisher (The less said about, the better) and Franken-Castle (which is still awesome!).

The conclusion is clear: The fans want their Punisher to remain 'realistic'. Or at least as realistic as a 60 year old man with an unlimited cache of weapons and boundless mafia-rage can be.

I'm honestly at a loss for a solution here. On the one hand, I fully enjoy the grizzled old veteran Punisher that's been presented over the past few years. On the other, I know that septuagenarian super-heroes are kind of a rough sell to the younger generation.

It's a problem that's going to need to be solved in the next decade or so, otherwise the next major transformation the Punisher will go through will involve a new hip and a walker.

The Bill November 10, 2011

Another week, another batch o' comics. But of all the ones I bought this week, there's only one that needs a thorough examining. Think you can guess which one?

Oh, you can see it, can't you... Well, whatever. Just come read my rants!




Looking Towards the Future:

Marvel Point One
Writer: Just about Everybody
Artist: Everybody else


This is it. The big Rosetta Stone of the next great Age of Marvel. The one that will set the tone for years to come. It's the big time, get-you-excited-for-the-next-few-years book that should have me swinging from the rafters delirious with excitement, but instead I find myself not-so-quietly worrying where my favorite universe is going.

Let me back up a second and say that there are a lot of good things about this book. There's a cool, if kind of overly-obtuse framing sequence that involves an information heist at the Blue Area of the Moon. Here the intrepid hackers are privy to fleeting glimpses of stories yet to happen. It's clever and it works well enough, it just gets a little funky here and there.

Honestly, that's the problem with the whole piece: It's just a little funky, and not in a good way. The stories themselves are all pretty decent, but there's nothing that really ties them together that makes me feel like I need to read them all together. It reads like a preview book that would ordinarily be for free, but instead has a six dollar price tag on it. Call me a sucker for expecting a bit more from my preview books when I actually pay for them.

On top of that, everything's a tease but not a very good tease. If the stories aren't already reenforcing information that's already known, they're presenting new information in a very vague way. What I wanted was big surprises dropped every other page, and instead I got things like this:

I don't know what to make of that, but it certainly doesn't make me clamor for more. I wanted that nugget of information that would entice me to keep up on everything, but instead I get the barest of hints that leave me confused and uninterested. That's the true tragedy of this book: I just don't really care about anything that was revealed.

And don't even get me started on the big Bendis story in there. The less said about that Ultron War mess of a 'teaser' the better. The more I try to understand what's happening in that story, the less it all makes sense. Never a good sign.

As the big kickoff to the next big Age of Marvel, I'm legitimately worried. As the books have less pages, I pay more, and the stories become more obtuse, I'm more than a little concerned that this new age might fizzle before it even starts.

The Bill October 20, 2011

Did you hear that? That was the sound of this Marvel's big mega event coming to a close for the year. But was that an explosion of awesomeness? Or a thud of disappointment? There's only one way to find out...




Not Afraid Anymore:

Fear Itself # 7
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Stuart Immonen


The short version: That sound was most definitely a thud. The longer version: Well, it's complicated.

I really wanted to like Fear Itself. With a great setup, big ideas, a fun writer, and a fantastic artist, I felt like this crossover was going to be an instant classic. Unfortunately, it ended up a half baked story that never quite lived up to that potential.

As a whole, the series felt a bit hollow for me, very superficial. It was a story where nazi robots backed by crazed Norse Gods attacked New York, yet I never felt the panic. A story where Bucky Barnes met his demise, only to get a cursory nod of 'yup, he's dead.' Deep down, it was a story about people overcoming fear to find the true hero inside, but I never felt the struggle of their decision. It was a series in which things happened, but nothing mattered regardless of its impact on continuity.

While I'm on the subject of things that didn't work, let me just toss out there the decision to have the villains speak in nothing but foreign tongues was one of the worst decisions ever. Similar to what happened in Secret Invasion, I found myself not caring about the villains at all. I get that they were trying to make the 'Breakers' seem otherworldly, but it only succeeded in distancing me from the story. Want to make me really feel afraid of an enemy? Have him say something threatening that I can understand.

But I digress...

This final issue picked up the threads of the previous chunk of books (tie-ins and all) to showcase the big final battle between our heroes and the aforementioned 'Breakers'. The heroes got some sweet new hardware to use, but, as is the norm with this series, those effects were glossed over to get to the next pinup shot. In the end, one hero (and I'm pretty sure you can guess who if you really try) sacrifices himself to defeat the big bad in a moment that ought to be the big emotional climax of the series, but instead just feels like a thing... happening. Sigh.

To the issue's credit though, there is one moment mid way through where one of our heroes arms himself in a big way. For whatever reason, probably the implicit gravitas of what was happening, really 'hit' in a big way and is one of the best moments of the entire series. Not that there was much competition.

On the art side, Stuart Immonen was kicking ass with every issue. Regardless of what was written, Immonen delivered every moment big or small with perfection. I can't wait to see what he moves onto next.

In the scheme of things, Fear Itself wasn't the worst Marvel event in years, but it certainly wasn't one of the best either. For the emotional problems of the series, it did do a great job of moving the story forward issue to issue. I'm interested to see where things go from here and I'm holding out hope that the next event is the explosion of awesomeness I've been desperately waiting for.

The Bill October 13, 2011

I think I know what I want for Christmas.

It might be a little unorthodox, not to mention way out of season, but I don't care; it's what I need for my comic life to be complete. So what has me all riled up and excited about comics? Well if I told you here, you wouldn't want to keep reading then would you? Come on and join me as I elucidate about my favorite comic of the week....




The Book That Goes Bump in the Night:

Legion of Monsters # 1
Writer: Dennis Hopeless
Artist: Juan Doe



It's books like this that remind me why I love reading comics. Bursting with big ideas, bigger action, and great one liners, Legion of Monsters ought to be a model for how to properly execute a comic book.

I'll admit that I have a little bias here as this book involves not only some of my favorite supporting characters from the sadly missing FrankenCastle series AND one of my favorites from the greatest book of all time, NEXTWAVE! It's a match made in heaven, my kind of heaven.

The story here is pretty simple, Elsa Bloodstone is hunting a killer monster and finds herself thrust into a team up with the self-styled police force calling themselves the Legion of Monsters. If you need more than that to get you excited, you best check your pulse because you might be dead.

Handling the art chores is Juan Doe who brings nothing but energy to his work. While at times a little deformed, his characters are always vibrant, full of motion, and a joy to look at.

And if all of that didn't get you excited, guess what's coming up next issue... Motorcycles. MONSTERS ON MOTORCYCLES!! DAMMIT! I LOVE IT!

I want this to be an ongoing series. Please. I've been a good boy this year....