Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Ant Man And Wasp VS Internet Memes

Nothing frustrates me more than a misuse of popular slang. Be it in movies, TV shows, or from the mouths of old people, it just kind of irks me when I hear them try to be hip and just fail miserably. Enter: Ant Man And Wasp # 1.

Now for the most part, Tim Seely does a fantastic job with this book. I really like the Eric O'Grady Irredeemable Ant-Man (although I like him in his original duds better), I'm totally digging the new Scientist Supreme angle for Hank Pym, and I just generally like team up books like this. I do love me some mismatched team ups.

Aside from the character choice, I was genuinely intrigued by the story of the first issue. In broad strokes, Ant Man is trying to impress Hank Pym (Wasp) so he goes to him with a hot tip regarding an impending AIM raid. As it turns out, Ant Man was just a plant and as soon as he fell asleep, a sleepwalker (of the same race as the 90s icon, but not that guy) emerges to steal whatever the target was. It's revealed that the guy who gave the hot tip was actually subconsciously implanting a word in Ant Man's head that made him easy to find in the dreamscape.

And here's where my problem comes in.

As Wasp is explaining what happened, Ant Man breaks it down layman style and sounds like an un-hip idiot:

For those not in the know, in no way does this scenario begin resemble a rickroll. A Rickroll, in the most basic sense is enticing someone to do something (like, click a link) only to have that thing (the link) really be 'Never Gonna Let You Down' by Rick Astley. At no point does it involve subconscious markers, Principia Discordia, or dreamscape-walking alien thieves. I'm just saying.

A good life rule: If you don't know what a specific meme is, don't drop it in casual conversation. You'll just end up looking like an idiot. Just saying.

Ant Man and Wasp, you're on notice.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Weekend Matinee: THANKSKILLING

You'd think that a Thanksgiving themed horror movie starring a foul-mouthed murderous turkey would be awesome. Just what the holiday needs, even.

You'd be wrong.

Everything about this movie seemed primed to be an instant cult classic: Cheesy effects, a fun story, just the right amount of nudity, and of course, lots of gore. Unfortunately the creators do everything they can to make the movie as un-fun and un-clever as possible. It's like they started with a nugget of a funny idea and just straight up refused to make it anything more than that.

The main offender in the movie is the killer turkey. It's an awesome idea that's just squandered with simple, unfunny quips and lackluster acting. Having the turkey pop up screaming, "Now you're gonna die, Motherfucker" just isn't as gripping as I want it to be. Maybe I'm a snob, but I like a bit of cleverness from my horror movie villains, even if it's just cheap and easy puns. I'd take Leprechaun Back 2 Da Hood over this hunk of turd any day.

So why am I taking the time to showcase it here? Because I want to warn all of you to steer clear. This movie is totally NOT worth your time and you'd be much better served watching the fake Thanksgiving grindhouse trailer from Eli Roth on repeat for 90 minutes than watching this movie suck your soul away.

That said, here's the trailer to Thankskilling to illustrate my point.

Now leave me alone, I have left overs to eat.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

In honor of this most glorious of holidays, here's a clip from what must have been the BEST THANKSGIVING EVER!

Robots! Death! Taco Pie! Rambling stories about radioactive chickens! It's what I strive for each year to be, but just fall short of. Maybe next year....

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Bill November 24, 2010

You didn't think the Holidays would keep me from telling you all about the books I got this week, did you? Thanksgiving may be my favorite time of year, but I can ALWAYS make room for some comic talk. Enough talk, let's do this thing!

The Book I'm Most Thankful For:

Thor Mighty Avenger # 6
Writer: Roger Langridge
Artist: Chris Samnee

This book always warms the cold recesses of my heart, it's so sad that it's not long for this world.

I know I already did a 'woe is me my books are being cancelled' post a few weeks ago, but this one's different. This has been the only Thor book that I've liked and actually looked forward to month after month. It's such a pure example of what Thor really is: Just a kid trying to figure out how to make his Dad proud.

In this issue, our favorite Norse God travels back home unannounced in an attempt to force his way through the door. Needless to say, it's the opposite of the lesson he's been sent to learn so he's promptly dispatched. Meanwhile the other half of the issue is dedicated to the end of Thor's epic multi-continent date with Jane Foster. And i'm not afraid to say it, but it made me "d'AWWW" just a little.

Only a little. There was also a fight with a giant dragon, and that was the real reason to check it out.

It'll be sad when you're gone Mighty Avenger, but I wouldn't have traded the time we had together for anything. Thank you for showing me how much fun a Thor book should be.

The New Book I'm Thankful For:

Skullkickers #3
Writer: Jim Zubkavich
Artist: Edwin Huang

What? I don't JUST read Marvel stuff.

I've been looking to pick this book for ages (ie two months), but for whatever reason the stores I've been going to just don't carry it. Finally, one of the stores broke down and ordered it, and man, I couldn't be happier. What a fun book.

From what I can tell, we're mid-mission as a dwarf and bald dude travel to find the corpse of some nobleman, or something, while other factions attempt to stop them. The first few pages are great and set a great tone for the rest of the book. It's quirky, tongue in cheek, and just about as much fun as I've ever seen in a sword and sorcery type book. Now I'm on a mission to find the other few issues so I can collect this series right.

As an added bonus, they've included a stew recipe at the end of the issue, which I am way too excited to try. The last time I tried a comic book recipe was Scott Pilgrim vol 2, and it quickly became one of my signature potluck dishes (It's vegan [but I make it vegetarian] Shepherd's Pie. Que Delicoso!). I'm totally locked in on this series for at least two more issues based solely on that.

Speaking of recipes and food, it's time I left y'all so I can prepare my stomach for awesomeness tomorrow. Y'all have a good holiday (if you're in the states, otherwise you have a better than average Thursday) and I'll see you in a food induced vision later on.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

FrankenCastle in Motion!

Just when I thought that I'd never see my old favorite, FrankenCastle, again, the internet delivers. This time in the form of a CGI short.

Frankencastle megafan (I'm assuming) Kai Wang does his damnedest to turn a touching scene from early in the run (I think it's issue 13, but don't quote me) where we learn that even as a monster, Frank Castle has a heart.

Punisher Shorts from Kai Wang on Vimeo.

Totally rad, and still a work in progress. I'll keep you updated. Meanwhile, my whole week has been brightened.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Harry Potter and The Deathly Sandwich

My intention was to sit down and write a review of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows (part 1). I had it all planned out too. I was going to talk about how it was overly long, missed a few key plot points, and, while better than the preceding movie, left a lot to be desired.

Then I looked through my old posts and found I said almost the same thing about the last movie that came out.

Sigh. I'm like a broken record.

So hey, I'm not going to bore either one of us with a rehash. Instead, I want to talk to you about Ginny Weasely (Bonnie Wright) and the crazy lack of chemistry she has with Harry (Daniel Radcliff). In fact there is so little chemistry that you could replace her with a sandwich and the movies actually get better.

Allow me to demonstrate:

Check out this scene from Half Blood Prince. As the food runs out, this boring Honor's dinner turns to a tense standoff as Harry sets his sights on the most delicious meal left. Cannibalism never tasted so good.

Here's a scene from The Deathly Hallows in which Professor Werewolf nearly kills Harry after he makes unwanted advances on the most gorgeous sandwich in the land. The lesson here is never get between a werewolf and his turkey club, even if
you're the chosen one.

Also from the Deathly Hallows, here's Harry about to take that first luscious bite from that which has teased him from so long. Each bite will be ecstasy, the flavors exploding on his tongue; it's the moment his life has been leading up to.


Admit it, you've never been more intrigued by Ginny Weasley than you have at this moment. Also, I bet you really want a Turkey Club.

In conclusion, when you go see The Deathly Hallows, or any of the Harry Potter movies, try to mentally replace Ginny, and any references to her, with a sandwich of your choosing and I guarantee it'll make the movie 75% better. It'll also help you ignore all the plot holes and poor pacing.

Hooray for Sandwiches!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Weekend Matinee: TURNER AND HOOCH

This one surprised me.

For a movie that amounts to a cop trying to make everyone take him seriously while he protects a dog that watched a murder, it's actually really solid. The dog is adorable in that ugly dog kind of way, Tom Hanks is likable as ever, and the bully from the Mighty Ducks makes a cameo appearance; basically, it's all around great.

But that's not what surprised me.

So Reginald VelJohnson (AKA Carl Winslow) is in this movie as Tom Hanks' other sidekick (The department sanctioned one). He's a guy who's recently made his way up the command chain in an unnamed big city where he saw a bunch of crazy stuff go down and is ready to take it easy for a change. Reginald Veljohnson is playing his character from Die Hard.

I'm saying it and I don't care what you think: Turner and Hooch is the sequel to Die Hard 2: Die Harder.

Check it out: Ol' Reggie, starts his Die Hard Career as a beat cop who's drawn into some 'Crazy shit' where he helps out some out-of-jurisdiction cop kill some Germans. Flash forward a few years, Reggie has made Detective and is now officially Bruce Willis' partner. Then something happens.

Be it more 'crazy shit', a few close calls, or an adjustment of priorities, something happens to break up this partnership. Bruce moves back to New York where he fights more Germans with a different black guy and then computer nerds with a Mac. Here's where T-n-H comes in: As Bruce left LA, or somewhere around there, Reggie opted to move to a smaller community where he didn't have to worry about terrorists stealing millions while blowing up high rises. He moved to Northern California and became an investigator under Tom Hanks.

And regretted every minute of it.

Remember that the next time someone tries to tell you that Family Matters is a Die Hard Spinoff. Because that's just bullshit.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Bill November 17, 2010

Somehow even though some of my favorite books are being or have been cancelled, I still ended up bring home a huge (for me) haul this week. How does that work? What craziness did I buy? What did I think of them?

Well, let's stop wasting time and find out. Shall we?

Worst Chaos War Tie-in of the Week:
Chaos War: Chaos King
Writer: Brandon Montclare
Artist: Michael Wm Kaluta

I had no idea what to expect from this one.

Well, I take that back. I expected this issue to be all about the major antagonist, maybe giving us some major backstory on him and/or his motivations. Hell, maybe give us a glimpse of what it was like the last time he was in charge of things. I most certainly didn't expect what the issue actually was.

I'll tell you, I'm a hard sell when it comes to otherworldly books. Be it Thor, Nova, Guardians of the Galaxy, or The Silver Surfer, I always have a hard time connecting with those types of foreign stories. It's hard for me to find the center, and as a result I find myself not caring.

This issue was otherworldly squared: It focused on the Gods from Norrin Radd's old digs, Zenn-La as they fended off the title character. Needless to say, I was under impressed.

Add to this the overwrought dialogue and the unclear art and you have a nearly incomprehensible read. It was just a chore to get through, devoid of any of the fun that runs through the other (Dead Avengers) parts of this crossover have in spades.

Do yourself a favor and leave this one on the shelf. And if you really need a Chaos War fix this week, do yourself a favor and pick up Dead Avengers instead.

Not A Promising Start of the Week:
Avengers # 7
Writer: Brian Bendis
Artist: John Romita Jr.

I don't know what to do about this book.

On the one hand, I'm a crazy fanboy when it comes to the Infinity Gauntlet and would love to see it brought back. On the other, I hate Bendis' pacing. To be fair, this isn't really a terrible issue. It's just very unsatisfying.

In this installment we follow ol' Bendis favorite Parker Robbins (AKA, The Hood) as he searches for another replacement for his powers, this time in the form of the Infinity Gems. Also, Iron Man and Thor have a mild heart to heart with Wonder Man, who was last seen breaking shit in the Avengers Tower five months ago. It's... interesting?

See, here's the thing. The book isn't horrible, it's just kinda... underperforming for me. There's some interesting things going on here, but there's not enough of it. It's almost typical Bendis where he takes his sweet time with stealth action scenes, has some nice interplay moments, only incrementally inches the plot forward, but this time it just feels very empty.

I dunno. I know I said this before, but I think I'm going to give this book one more chance and then no more.

It's up to you issue 8, don't let me down.

And there you have it. I bought a few other things too, like Thunderbolts and Osborn, but I'll talk more about them on my twitter. You should stop on by and say hi.

Or you can drop a line here, whatever works for you.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Venom is a Slut Part 3

It's like the 90s and 00s had a baby. A big ugly baby.


Cover courtesy of Skottie Young; issue execution by Rick 'Hooray for FrankenCastle!' Remender and Shawn Moll; My 90s dreams come true via the February Solicts

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Weekend Matinee: DRIVE ANGRY

Did any of you ever watch Ghost Rider?

It was awful; just straight up terrible. It was overly goofy in some parts, overly serious in others, and just generally was not well thought out.

Now, have any of you seen the trailer for Drive Angry? In this upcoming travesty, Nic Cage plays a guy who has escaped from Hell to track down the man that killed his wife (or something). Along the way, he drives fast cars, blows shit up with a kickass shotgun, and hooks up with a hot drifter chick.

It's totally what Ghost Rider should have been.

Change the suped-up SS to a Harley and the scarred face to a burning skull and you'd have the perfect Jason Aaron-esque Spirit of Vengeance. Right?

Don't get me wrong, it would still be terrible (Worse than terrible if it's anything like My Bloody Valentine...), but at least it would give me a reason to go see it.

Anyway, here's the trailer for you to enjoy. If you go see it, lemme know how it is. For my 'fast car revenge' story, I'll stick to Faster.

Also, William Fincher is a way more convincing Satan analogue than Peter Fonda. Just saying...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Bill November 10, 2010

I only had one book come out this week, so you know what that means: Super quick Bill Reviews. Hooray! It's late, let's do this!

The Book of the Week:

Avengers: The Children's Crusade #3
Writer: Allen Heinberg
Artist: Jim Cheung

Has it been two months already? Man, time flies.

Anyway, in this issue the Young Avengers continue their search for the Scarlet Witch and, um, find her. There really isn't that much more to it, unfortunately.

Let's start with the good on this issue: The characters sound right, the art is jaw-dropping, and it's always fun to see the Young Avengers in action. I've said it before, but these kids need a book ASAP. Here's hoping that they still have enough clout a year from now to support an ongoing.

As for the bad, well, let's just say the book was a bit thin for me. I enjoyed some of the interactions between the Maximoffs, but I really didn't need another whole issue of them jawing at each other. I wanted, Nay needed, some action in this sucker. I needed the story to stop dicking around and kick it into a higher gear. Unfortunately what I need and what Marvel publish are on different pages right now.


It's not terrible, it's just a bit slower than it ought to be. It'll be interesting to see how it reads in trade.

Also, I think I've figured out where this mini fits in with continuity (and it may be what's hurting the story in my eyes). From issue one, we could all tell that something wasn't right: Steve was in the Cap uniform, Tony was in his old Iron Man suit, and so on.

This issue has a scene with the Avengers consisting of Ms. Marvel, Iron Man, Cap, Spidey, Wolverine, and Luke Cage. From this context clue, I can tell you that this series takes place before Civil War.

Talk about taking a step back, right? That's the nearest I can place it. Suddenly everything makes sense with the costumes and how this book seems to not mention how the characters grew since the last Heinberg mini.

Just throwing it out there. Feel free to email me my no-prize.

And that's all I got. I guess I also bought a trade, but I'm not going to read that tonight. What did you buy this week? Did I miss anything cool? Lemme know in the comments!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Glaring Problem With The Walking Dead

AMC's The Walking Dead is a great show. Not a fantastic one, but an above average one. It's got a great feel, and overall tone, even if it needs to be paced up just a bit. As for the story, so far it takes all the right liberties with the source material, taking it's time to really hit those emotional beats.

It's a great show that, by all accounts, is only going to get better, but there's one major thing wrong with it.

They got the main character, Rick Grimes, all wrong.

I don't want to sound like some kind of angry comic nerd here, so give me a second to explain. I get that when you move to a new medium, things change.

Movie Spider-Man doesn't crack tons of jokes. Fine.
Cartoon Captain America can't fight the Nazis. I get it.
The Joker can't rape and paralyze Barbara Gordon. Sure, I guess I understand.

This is different. In AMC's The Walking Dead, they've gotten the core of Rick Grimes wrong. In the show, Rick Grimes accepts his new zombie reality, something Comic Rick only did after years of the undead.

It doesn't seem like a big thing, but stick with me here. In the book, Rick begins his journey believing that the zombies are a temporary situation. His drive to keep his family alive comes from the idea that this whole thing will blow over, which makes it all that much more heartbreaking when he realizes it's not the case.

It was watching Rick's resolve dissolve that made the book a must read. Wondering how much further he could be pushed until he broke. And then seeing what happens when you keep pushing. That's what makes The Walking Dead a must read.

The AMC show, with a Rick that instantly accepts the fact that zombies are the new way of life? It's okay, but it's not as interesting as it should be.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Weekend Matinee: BLIND FURY

How this movie slipped passed me for so long is a mystery.

Check this out: Rutger Hauer is a blind, Vietnam vet/ninja, traveling across the country with Brandon from Step by Step on a mission to save John Locke from evil corporate drug manufacturers. But as cool as it is to watch Rutger straight up murder dozens of thugs with his cane/sword, it's nowhere near as interesting as the personal relationships in the movie.

First, there's Rutger's relationship with John Locke, which can best be described as passive-aggressive guilt, where Rutger knows that Locke's cowardess is responsible for his blindness, but refuses to mention it.

Next, there's Rutger's relationship with the de-facto love interest, that not only doesn't go anywhere, but it wholly dropped in the third act of the movie. Seriously, she doesn't have a line at all in the final half hour, not even in the denumount.

And finally there's Rutger's relationship with 11-year old Brandon, his true love interest. Like most romances, it starts with them at each other's throats and going through a traumatic event. But in the end, they learn to love and respect each other for their own special talents.

It'd be beautiful if it wasn't so creepy.

You can imagine how hard it was for me to find a good clip from this masterpiece. Should it be the "sexy" man-boy love? *shudder* The "funny" driving sequence through Reno? Or maybe the ridiculous ending?

In the end, I know what sells: ACTION. So here, enjoy this scene of some straight up murders:

And you thought Daredevil was badass. Now stop messing around and add it to your Netflix queue.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The 1st Annual LA Taco Crawl

Today I am taking part in what should be a signature event in every man's life: A Taco Crawl.

It works just like a Pubcrawl, but without the music or official sanctioning. We have a list of a little over a dozen taco joints (both standing and mobile) and will endeavor to eat at least one classy taco at each place throughout the day.

It will be a whole lot of fun, and I'm hoping it turns into a regular thing (or hopefully a semi-annual thing).

Even though it's not entirely geeky, I wanted to let you all know about it AND plug my twitter at the same time (see what I did there?). If you would like to join us (digitally) on our trek through Mexican deliciousness, check out either @platypusrobot, or @RobGokee.

We ought to be posting all kinds of reviews, pictures, and random shit that happens. It'll be fun. Fun that I wanted to pass on to you.


Talk about a huge success! With SIXTEEN tacos under my belt (or rather, in my belly) and two fresh made Churros, we called it a day. And everything was nothing less than amazing. My personal top three (in no particular order), can't miss tacos in LA are officially:

1- The tender and delicious Lamb Tacos at My Taco
2- The sweet and flavorful Pineapple Pastor Tacos at Metro Balderas
3- The hand battered and WAY better than anything at "Best Fish Tacos in Ensenada", Fish Tacos at Ricky's Fish Tacos

With special mentions going out to the Bacon Chocolate Tacos at CaCao and the GINORMOUS shrimp tacos at La Estrella.

So much good food. I can not WAIT until next time.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Batman's New Status Quo...

Should involve Nunchucks

Come on DC, make it happen!

This image comes anonymously from the internets. If you drew this and want credit, lemme know and I'll do just that. Great job, by the way.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Bill November 3, 2010

It's a sad week when one of my books gets cancelled. Let alone two. Sigh. Why must you take away the things I love so much, Marvel?

Well, least we can do is send them off right. Right? Let's do this.

Cancelled With a Chance:

Hawkeye and Mockingbird #6
Writer: Jim McCann
Artist: David Lopez

I'm beginning to think that Hawkeye just can't hold down a series. Poor guy just can't quite get over that hump to the big time. It's weird too, because he's totally awesome, or at least he should be.

Anyway, so this issue deals with the fallout of the previous five issues. Hawkeye is riddled with guilt about poking out Crossfire's eye, Mockingbird deals with her life decisions, and Dominic Fortune reveals his true origin (which is shockingly similar to The TaskMaster origin that was also revealed this week).

Lots of story happening in these pages (as usual), but alas it's for naught because this is the final issue of Hawk and Mock... for now.

It seems that the planned crossover with The Black Widow will now become it's own miniseries followed by something. They haven't quite announced what it is, but the promise is that the story here is far from finished.

And boy do I hope that they give Hawkeye another chance. McCann's really got a handle on the character and a fantastic old-school flair, it'd be a shame if this is the last we saw of his Hawkeye.

Mockingbird, on the other hand, I don't mind if she drifts back into limbo.

Cancelled Forever:

Young Allies #6
Writer: Sean Mckeever
Artist: David Baldeon

I knew this was going to happen. All of my favorites in one book? Im surprised it lasted this long.

It wasn't a perfect book, but it was getting there. It was an interesting mix of characters with some fantastic creators that just didn't get a chance to figure out what the book wanted to be.

In this issue, if it matters, we follow Angelica Jones, Firestar, as she deals with her return to superheroics. And it's a great issue, one of those that McKeever excels with, even though, in the end, it's not really a satisfying end to the series.

I think the problem with this book is that it was marketed as a team book, but rallied against the idea within its pages. It was interesting, just not what I expected. I wanted something that was more early "New Warriors" instead of "The Defenders". But that's just me.

From here it looks like the Young Allies will fall by the wayside along with The Slingers, Force Works, and all those other teams from the 90s you can't remember.

It's not all lost though. The Nomad backups will still run through Captain America, which is great. There's an upcoming crossover with the Avengers Academy and Spider-Girl, which will be a nice capper. And I'm going to guess that the new Onslaught one shot in 2011, also written by McKeever, will feature the Young Allies.

Just a hunch.

The most important question remains: What about Gravity? The poor kid is way too great to be tossed around the way he has in the Marvel U during his short heroic life. That kid needs a miniseries (at least!) written by McKeever, STAT. Make it happen, Marvel.

That's all I got for this sad edition. If you want to know about the other books I bought that aren't being cancelled this week, drop a comment and ask, or stop by my twitter feed. I think I'm going to start posting short reviews for the books that I don't give a full review to here.

Hooray for social media!