Monday, November 22, 2010

Harry Potter and The Deathly Sandwich

My intention was to sit down and write a review of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows (part 1). I had it all planned out too. I was going to talk about how it was overly long, missed a few key plot points, and, while better than the preceding movie, left a lot to be desired.

Then I looked through my old posts and found I said almost the same thing about the last movie that came out.

Sigh. I'm like a broken record.

So hey, I'm not going to bore either one of us with a rehash. Instead, I want to talk to you about Ginny Weasely (Bonnie Wright) and the crazy lack of chemistry she has with Harry (Daniel Radcliff). In fact there is so little chemistry that you could replace her with a sandwich and the movies actually get better.

Allow me to demonstrate:

Check out this scene from Half Blood Prince. As the food runs out, this boring Honor's dinner turns to a tense standoff as Harry sets his sights on the most delicious meal left. Cannibalism never tasted so good.

Here's a scene from The Deathly Hallows in which Professor Werewolf nearly kills Harry after he makes unwanted advances on the most gorgeous sandwich in the land. The lesson here is never get between a werewolf and his turkey club, even if
you're the chosen one.

Also from the Deathly Hallows, here's Harry about to take that first luscious bite from that which has teased him from so long. Each bite will be ecstasy, the flavors exploding on his tongue; it's the moment his life has been leading up to.


Admit it, you've never been more intrigued by Ginny Weasley than you have at this moment. Also, I bet you really want a Turkey Club.

In conclusion, when you go see The Deathly Hallows, or any of the Harry Potter movies, try to mentally replace Ginny, and any references to her, with a sandwich of your choosing and I guarantee it'll make the movie 75% better. It'll also help you ignore all the plot holes and poor pacing.

Hooray for Sandwiches!


  1. It was my favorite of the entire series. Your opinion is both wrong and invalid. Good day, sir.

  2. I suggest you go back and watch the third movie again, for it is the finest entry to the saga.

    And don't get me wrong, it was fine, but it was saddled with bad editorial decisions on the movies that came before it. And I'm only really hard on this series because everything that's not the story is done SO WELL that I want it to be better. It ought to be.

  3. I loved the movie (as you know!) but holy crap I love the idea of Ginny as a sandwich. During that awkward as hell kissing scene in the Burrows he looks like he's eating her anyway, so why not?