Original Sin: The Best Marvel Event In A While

Original Sin might be Marvel's best event crossover since Civil War.  But instead of trading on controversial character actions, Original Sin seems to be more interested in high adventure and boundless imagination (and maybe one controversial character action).

The setup was simple enough:  Someone murdered The Watcher and now someone has weaponized the secrets he accumulated over the years.  Now I'll admit, I was a little worried about this whole setup coming in.  Most of the time when someone uses the "Everything you knew was wrong" trope, everything's a little worse for wear.  Fortunately, the only big big reveal that came out of this whole thing was about Nick Fury, which I'll get to in a minute.

Anyway, with the mystery of the Watcher's murder hanging thick in the air, a ragtag group of heroes - including Moon Knight, Dr Strange, The Winter Soldier, among others - are assembled to follow the clues to find who really did it.  And I'll tell you, it was nice to see some lower tier guys get the spotlight in a big crossover like this.  Not that I don't like seeing Iron Man and Captain America mixing it up, but you know, the universe is bigger than just the Avengers.

And lemme tell you, it's fucking great!  The Punisher and Dr. Strange hanging out in a nether realm talking about the merits of murder, The Orb beating the Avengers with an eye of the Watcher, and Nick Fury being the biggest badass in the galaxy; What's not to like?

And listen, I understand if you're shaking your head at the Nick Fury stuff.

A bit of SPOILERS here, please just skip on down if you don't want this big reveal spoiled for you (more than it already has).  So, as it turns out, Nick Fury has become an old man since he got replaced (stupidly) by his long lost son Marcus 'Nick Fury Jr' Johnson - Seriously though, if you're mom got murdered while trying to protect you, wouldn't you keep her name?  What kind of asshole takes the name of his deadbeat dad instead?  I would rather they have brought over the Ultimate Nick Fury during some shitty crossover than this ridiculousness.  But, that's a deal for another day - Ahem.  Where was I?

Right.  The real Nick Fury.  So apparently the effects of giving up the last of the Infinity Formula to keep Bucky alive post-Fear Itself have finally taken their toll on the old warhorse and have made him age appropriate.  That is, he's turned into Bruce Wayne from Batman Beyond; old, crotchety, and supported by a cane.  But while that was the biggest physical reveal, it wasn't the BIG reveal.  That honor goes to Nick's reveal of his job all these years:  The Frontline Defense for Earth aka The Man on The Wall.

It's actually not a terrible setup, but one that falters a little when you think of the stuff Nick let come through.  Sure he was out there murdering rogue planets and developing inter-dimensional bullets, but he was also letting things like Maximum Security (The Earth is chosen to become an intergalactic prison), Secret Invasion (where the Skrulls nearly took over the planet while Nick was busy starring at photographs), and infinity (where Thanos made a run at Earth, landed, and fucked stuff up) happen when he probably could have stopped those from starting.

Regardless, the idea is neat, even if the last thing the Marvel Universe needs at this point is another secret society (Nick hangs with a bunch of LMDs, that's a society in my book) that's secretly running/protecting the world from stuff.  Do you think they ever got in each other's way?  Like, one group is trying to, I dunno, stop an intergalactic war by doing something that totally undermines whatever the opposite group is attempting.  Maybe that's the real reason Operation: Galactic Storm happened.

Back to the book, the only thing I'm not to hot on is the art.  Mike Deodato does some fantastic stuff with some of the craziest layouts ever, but it's totally not my thing.  I respect what he does, but it's too… muddy for me.  It's like Neal Adams' stuff fell into an inkwell but with more boobs.  

In a way, the series reminds me of The Infinity Gauntlet as something that can is very much of the era and can stand on it's own fairly well.  I mean sure, The Infinity Gauntlet had much more story lead up and had the craziest, highest stakes ever, but in the end you could just read those six issues and get nearly the full story of what was going on.  Meanwhile Original Sin, in a welcome change from other modern event crossovers, tells a full story over the course of 8 issues while giving enough motivation to any spin-off series that wants to exist.

I really hope this is the model of events for Marvel moving forward.  You know, assuming that they insist on doing these with increased frequency (I see that Axis starts next month… sigh) it'd be nice if the actual event was worth reading and not something utterly disappointing like the past dozen or so.  In the meantime, at least I got this one and it was pretty awesome. 

Behold the Mighty GALACTYPUS!

Sometimes I'm convinced that they write comics just for me.

Seriously though, now that this is a thing, can I get a mini-series or something?  I promise I'll be good...

Via issue 5 of Ultimate FF by my new heroes Joshua Hale Fialkov and Andre Araujo.

If I Was In Charge...

As a life long comic fan, I have strong opinions about the directions my favorite books have taken.  More than often, I'm really happy with how things turn out or at least am surprised by the proceedings.  Sometimes though, I can't help but to yearn for things to turn out differently.  So today we're going to give into ego and delve deep into what I would have done if I was in charge of comics:

- I would have given Young Avengers the title of New Avengers coming out of Disassembled.  Further, I would let these new heroes inspire the old before relaunching a new Mighty Avengers series, essentially following the trajectory of what Bendis wrote.

- I never would have brought back Barry Allen.  He only serves to remind readers of the boring old days while sidelining the truly interesting Flash, Wally West.  Instead, if they really wanted a Barry Allen series, I would have launched a 'Tales of the Flash' series, set in the past and staring Barry.  Then everyone wins…  but I would win more.

- If I was in charge, Spider-Man would still be married.  Call me a sucker for the MJ/Peter love story, but I can't imagine Peter with anyone else.  The only thing that happened when they magically divorced those two was resetting the timer to when they'd get back together.  My money's on 2016.

- I would have Harry Osborn be the mastermind behind the Clone Saga and subsequently becoming the Lex Luthor of the Marvel Universe.  Not only would it make sense in the scope of the story (Harry was behind the Peter's parents are robots plot), but it would have made for a great legacy of villainy for Peter to combat.  Way better than the coffee shop owner/American Son nonsense that we got…

- I never would have cancelled Darkhawk.  He was the greatest hero of the 90s, and didn't deserve the obscurity that he got!

- Instead of relaunching Spider-Girl with the same creative team three times, I would have (on that third try) tried a different team.  Mayday Parker is a great character that didn't deserve the languishing sales and stagnant story progression that she got.  I get that Defalco created her, but you know, even Stan Lee had to give up Spider-Man eventually.

- Assuming that I still went through with the New 52 thing, I would have made a clean break from the past continuity.  If you're going to do something as drastic as the new 52, it doesn't make ANY sense to hold on to bits and pieces.  You may think that you're appealing to the fans, but really you're just making it harder on yourself.

- Honestly, if I was in charge, I never would have done the New 52.  Drastic universe reboots are a surefire way to alienate fans and make it harder to explain stuff to new fans.  "Oh, do you mean Pre-Crisis Batman?  Or Post-Crisis, Pre-Flashpoint?"  Ridiculous!

- I would have canned Chuck Austen after his terrible Romeo and Juliette riff in Uncanny X-Men and would have kept him far away from New X-Men after Morrison left.  That was the worst!

Those are what I would have done.  What about you?

Heroes for Hire: The Movie!

Or at least an approximation of what the movie post could/would look like if it was a 70s style Grindhouse feature. This may come as a surprise, but if I could will one thing into existence it would be this.

Here's hoping the HoH get some love from Marvel Studios Phase 3!

This chunk of dreams comes from KharyRandolph over on the Deviantart.

Don't Go To Sleep

Checking the Marvel Solicits for April, I saw this:

I can't tell you how excited I am for this. Between Darkhawk's big supporting role in Avengers Arena, rumors of the return of Spider-Man 2099, and this, 2013 looks to be the year the 90s returns in force.

I only hope this means a return of The Slingers by January. I mean, I know it doesn't, but a man can hope, right?

What's This About Marvel Now?

Didja hear the news? Marvel is doing a reboot!

What? Old News? Are you implying that because I've been noticeably absent the past few months that I missed out on my chance to talk about the craziness that is Marvel NOW? Maybe you're right, but indulge me.

I won't lie, the first time I saw this picture my heart sank a little bit. I was already preparing rants about what a huge mistake Marvel was making and how after twenty years I'd be finally walking away from this hobby I love so much. So imagine my excitement when it was announced that this wasn't a reboot in the DCnU kind of way, but instead a line wide refresh without doing away with any of the old continuity. And that friends, is how it should be.

Continuity is something that should be cherished, loved, and discovered. It should be something that adds to your enjoyment, but doesn't detract if you don't know it. Further, I think the more caveats you have to add, the less new reader friendly comics become.

The way DC did their refresh (because no commentary on Marvel NOW would be complete without a full comparison to the DCnU) in the end, only adds more headaches and creates a larger wall for the uninitiated fan to get over before they can enjoy the books. I find it problematic that when someone asks me a simple question about Superman, I have to qualify my statements with eras and relations to reboots to make sure I'm answering their question correctly. Try it. Try answering: "I thought Superman was married to Lois Lane, what happened?" Headaches.

Meanwhile, the Marvel method to refreshing the line becomes much easier to explain things. Sure, as with any long running fiction story you'll have bits of "they died but got better" or "they just kind of ignored [fill-in-the-blank]", but at least all the stories 'matter'. It's that respect for the overall long-running narrative that gives the Marvel method more merit in the eyes of a new reader.

The more I read about the new creative teams, storyline teases, and character combinations I find myself more and more excited about Marvel come November. There's a crazy freshness and new found energy in all the interviews that's hard to ignore. It reminds me a lot of the NuMarvel stuff from the turn of the century, when titles like Allred's X-Force, Morrison's New X-Men, and Tangled Web were challenging the limits of what you could do in a Marvel Comic. Except this time, it seems they're diving head first into big time super heroics, instead of focusing on the small interpersonal stuff.

I'm getting all revved up just thinking about it! What about you?

The Bill October 13, 2011

I think I know what I want for Christmas.

It might be a little unorthodox, not to mention way out of season, but I don't care; it's what I need for my comic life to be complete. So what has me all riled up and excited about comics? Well if I told you here, you wouldn't want to keep reading then would you? Come on and join me as I elucidate about my favorite comic of the week....




The Book That Goes Bump in the Night:

Legion of Monsters # 1
Writer: Dennis Hopeless
Artist: Juan Doe



It's books like this that remind me why I love reading comics. Bursting with big ideas, bigger action, and great one liners, Legion of Monsters ought to be a model for how to properly execute a comic book.

I'll admit that I have a little bias here as this book involves not only some of my favorite supporting characters from the sadly missing FrankenCastle series AND one of my favorites from the greatest book of all time, NEXTWAVE! It's a match made in heaven, my kind of heaven.

The story here is pretty simple, Elsa Bloodstone is hunting a killer monster and finds herself thrust into a team up with the self-styled police force calling themselves the Legion of Monsters. If you need more than that to get you excited, you best check your pulse because you might be dead.

Handling the art chores is Juan Doe who brings nothing but energy to his work. While at times a little deformed, his characters are always vibrant, full of motion, and a joy to look at.

And if all of that didn't get you excited, guess what's coming up next issue... Motorcycles. MONSTERS ON MOTORCYCLES!! DAMMIT! I LOVE IT!

I want this to be an ongoing series. Please. I've been a good boy this year....

I'm Just Going to Leave This Here...

I'd be remiss in my bloggerly duties if I didn't post the new Avengers trailer (not to be confused with the New Avengers trailer, that I'm sure is more than a few years off), regardless of how prevalent it is on the interwebs.

Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go pick up the bits of my brain that are scattered around the living room.

The Bill July 27, 2011

After taking a couple of weeks off due to a lack of books and an increased workload from this impending movie (Cheap plug: We got linked by Bloody Disgusting! Totally awesome!), I'm back with more reviews!

Now, you'd think that I'd take the time during my absence to rename and/or restructure this review feature of mine like I had been griping about earlier this year. Well, good news: I figured out a way to restructure that works better for me. Bad news: I was too lazy to think of a new title.

So with that enthusiastic intro, let's get to the new and improved Bill for this Week!




The Book You Should Be Reading:

Venom # 5
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Tony Moore, Tom Fowler

I'm shocked at how much I love this book.

When I saw those first pictures of this new, gun-totting Venom, I groaned as loudly as any other fan over the age of 13. "Just what we need," I thought, "another version of Venom. And this one with guns. I miss Gargan already..."

And then I read that first, fantastic issue and everything changed. Each issue since has been rich with ideas, action, and a surprising amount of character development. Of all the books on the stands right now, this is the one that reminds me of classic Marvel the most. Sure, it's a little... grimier than you'd expect, but the balance of Venom and Flash that Remender is able to pull off is something that hasn't been seen in most books for years.

This issue was no exception, starting with another epic fight scene before settling into a very emotional story about Flash and his father. I was struck with this issue in particular by it's throwback appeal. Here Venom fights some throw away villain (an update/new version of the Human Fly), before we get to the real meat of the story involving Flash finding his relapsed drunk of a father. It's something that a lesser writer might make two issues out of, or might just eschew one of those aspects for the other, leaving an unsatisfying experience in it's wake.

I'm just going to say it and get it over with: Flash Thompson Venom is my favorite character of 2011. And dare I say, this book is quickly becoming one of my must-reads, almost edging out Avengers Academy for the title.

It's great stuff and, if you're not reading it, you really ought to be. If you're not, and this thing gets cancelled... well, you and I are going to have to have a discussion where my fist may or may not become perpendicular to your face. Fair warning.

Hey! Pictures!



And so that's how things will be from now on. Instead of two books, I'll just review the one, but I'll try to go a little more indepth on it. Fun times! Come back next time!

Batman Vs. Galactus

WANT!

Discovered while trawling the interwebs for something else entirely and couldn't resist making space for it here. I don't know who drew it, but I found it at Geek Tyrant.

The Bill Feburary 16, 2011

Hey everyone! It's that time of the week again, so I hope you're prepared to read my prattlin' on about my new comics. Also, I have a very important question for any and all of you reading this, so make sure you stick around for the outro. Okay?

Okay! Let's do this!




Testing The X-Waters:

Uncanny X-Force #5
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Esad Ribic


I used to be such a huge X-Fan it was crazy. I had posters, toys, guidebooks, every chapter to every big crossover, you know EVERYTHING. That is, until it all got ridiculous around the time of The Twelve, when things got so bad that I stopped collecting comics all together. It was bad.

Years later, I dipped a toe in the water for the latter half of Grant Morrison's run and was blown away. It was the X-Men run I always wanted, so of course it was retconned as soon as Morrison left. Sad and dismayed, I left the X-Books a second time, but still with an eye on them just for old times sake.

A few months ago when Uncanny X-Force hit the stands, I found myself inexplicably intrigued by it. Maybe it was the writer, maybe it was the use of Fantomex, or maybe it was just my old X-Force love come bubbling up; whatever it was, I just needed one more thing to click and I would be all over this book like white on rice.

Then they teased the Deathlok virus.

This idea, thought up by the always entertaining Jason Aaron, really grabbed me of late. For whatever reason (still unknown), I'm all about this new take on the Deathlok mythos. You know, that instead of being a pacifist in a cyborg body, it's this assassination force sent from the future. It's fun, fresh, and was just the thing that Uncanny X-Force needed to get me to pick it up.

The verdict? It was okay. Not terrible by any stretch, but just not what I was expecting.

The cover - which I know I shouldn't judge these books on - makes it out to be an all out brawl between this new X-Force and some Super-Deathloks, but the reality is it's not. There's some fallout from the previous issue, which I'm glad is there; There's some backstory, emotional and otherwise, for Fantomex, which is interesting and generally well-done, not to mention that it's nice to see that Morrison continuity being utilized; and there's some cool fight scenes, which is why I bought the book. However, at the end, I didn't have the charge that I wanted to have from it.

I dunno, I'm going to give this book this arc to impress me. So far, I dig most of the stuff about it, but I'm not totally in love with it yet. I'll let you know how things progress.



So Good It Hurts:

Avengers Academy #9
Writer: Christos Gage
Artist: Mike Mckone


I know I've gushed about this book before, but I can't help it, it's just that good! Avengers Academy is what I want every teen hero book to read like. You have kids acting like kids, making bad decisions, getting emotional, and whatever, while the adults do their best to rein them in. The characters, the dynamics, the overall storytelling on this one is nothing less than amazing and this issue is no exception.

This time out we get a glimpse of one character making a questionable decision while the adults discuss the ramifications of a different decision. There are tough questions to answer which could alter the future of these young, hopefully, heroes. Meanwhile, Gage and McKone give us the knock-down drag-out fight we've all been waiting for between Finesse and The Taskmaster (fresh off his unbelievably awesome miniseries).

This book just great old-school storytelling in the mighty Marvel manner. Do yourself a favor and pick this book up if you haven't already. I promise you won't be disappointed.



Okay, one last thing before I go.

So, I've been doing these reviews for a while, and have had a lot of fun doing them in the process, but I can't help to think I could do better with the name. I started using the name "The Bill" because it was a great pun for both the anatomy of a platypus and how much I spend on comics a week. However the more I think about it, i don't think it's as targeted as it should be. It doesn't say "COMIC REVIEWS!" like it ought to.

So the question: Should I change the name of this feature? Do you think I'm crazy and The Bill is a fine name? Or do you think it's about time I stop trying to be clever and come up with something a little bit more descriptive?

Lemme know what you think, either in the comments or via the email if you're the shy type. I'm excited to hear your thoughts.

Oh, also you can comment if you want to know anything else about what I bought or want to share in my lovefest for Avengers Academy. You know, if you want...

The Bill Feburary 9, 2011

After a week off, basking in the glow of the early 90s, I guess we ought to get back to the business of reviewing new books.... If we have too....

Good thing only awesome things came out this week, otherwise I'd be one sad panda. Let's see what we got.



Hey, Weren't You Cancelled?

Onslaught Unleashed #1
Writer: Sean McKeever
Artist: Filipe Andrade


Well, well, lookie what we have here: The return of my favorite failed non-team of 2010, The Young Allies. Not a bad push for a team that couldn't quite make it out of that first arc...

Anyway, here they team up with The Secret Avengers to fight off the returning 90s icon, Onslaught. Or at least they will, at some point in the series. Probably.

While it's great to see the team back in action (really anytime I get some Gravity in my life is a good time), this book doesn't really do much for me. The interactions are great, the art is awesome (if a bit funky), but the story is very thin. Well not so much thin, as unnecessarily mysterious.

Frankly, if you put the name of the villain on the front of the book, you can't use him as the big surprise threat at the end of it. Only if I was reading this book without a cover or a title page, would the 'surprise' at the end be one. As it is, I feel like I should have just started with issue two.

The flying datsun was pretty cool though...



The Best Of The Year (so far):

Power Man and Iron Fist #1
Writer: Fred Van Lente
Artist: Wellington Alves


I don't talk about it as much as I should, but the original Power Man and Iron Fist is one of my favorite series of all time. I don't know what it is exactly, all I know is that it's awesome. So when it was announced that not only was there going to be a new Power Man, but a new Power Man and Iron Fist series, I was a little worried that it wouldn't live up to it's predecessor. And then I saw that Fred Van Lente was writing. And then he did this:



Dammit, Fred, why do you have to be so awesome all the time?

So yeah, and then as if it's not enough to have my sensational character find of 2010 show up, the book gets even better through fantastic character interactions, use of Power Man and Iron Fist Original Recipe continuity, and amazing art from Mr. Alves. It truly makes the legacy proud.

Now, if only we could make this an ongoing instead of just a miniseries. Anyone got any bright ideas on how to make that happen?



And so ends the spirited review part of the evening. If you'd like to hear more about my 'meh' attitudes on both Widowmaker #4 and Secret Warriors #24, just drop me a line in the comments and I'm sure I can rally some snide remarks for you.

Until then, I'm off to try to read something other than horrible 90s books for a change....

Who am I kidding? Pass the Darkhawk, please.

NFL SuperPro Week Day Five - Wit And Wisdom

Welcome to the final day of NFL SuperPro week here at Platypus Robot. Over the past week we've talked about the early days, the best days, the villains, and the spinoff that only I'm clamoring for. The only thing we haven't seen is SuperPro in action. So with out further ado, I give you the wit and wisdom of the man of honor.



As a special bonus, these nuggets of wisdom can also double as witty repartee for your Super Bowl party this weekend. Give it a try!


Translation: If you lose early, you lose often. Try to stem the tide before it happens.


Translation: Never bet against the house, or a garishly dressed man might jump out and beat on you.


Translation: Criminals, you so dumb.


Translation: Autographs are a pain for everyone.


Translation: Breaking and Entering is fun AND easy. Give it a try, kids!


Translation: I... ugh. Pass.


Translation: I will fight you.


Translation: Get out of my house!


Translation: When the going gets tough, leave the scene. You can't do any good there anymore anyway.

And so, it's with a heavy heart, and a dwindling amount of source material, that I bring NFL SuperPro to a close. I hope you had as much fun as I did celebrating this former corporate shill, and I hope it gives you something to discuss between the quarters this Sunday.

NFL SuperPro Week Day Four - The Spinoff That Should Have Been

What do a mortician, an actuary, a gs-8 clerk, and a CPA have in common? Together they form the greatest nerd super team ever, The Happy Campers. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Welcome to Day Four of Platypus Robot's exhaustive NFL SuperPro week where today we eschew the man of honor and take a look at the SuperPro Spinoff that never was.



With no proof to back it up, I'm claiming today that SuperPro #10 was in fact a 'stealth one-shot' by Buzz Dixon and Jose Delbo for the purpose of launching a Happy Camper's series. So, instead of talking about this book as SuperPro #10, I'll refer to it as it's true name, Happy Campers Super Special #1.



Happy Campers Super Special # 1 begins with Phil and Ken getting an assignment to file an expose' on a self-esteem camp. Because if there's anything that needs to be exposed, it's guys with low self-esteem. Those jerks are just asking for it.

Reluctantly, Phil and Ken agree to go undercover and expose the secret shame of Camp Runamuk. A secret shame that I'm sure involves the mysterious old man stroking a purple stuffed cat.



As it turns out, the mysterious crazy man is actually a scientist who has been working on a machine that could give anyone superpowers. If only he had someone to test it on.

Oh, hey look, here comes the true stars of the book...



Finally, now the book can really begin.

First things first, it's time to change into togas. Because, you know, it's not a self esteem camp if you're not wearing something embarrassing. That night, during the (what I assume is) nightly campfire session, the boys are led one-by-one into the forest for 'special initiation'.

And no, not that kind. Get your mind out of the gutter!



In reality, these men are being led to the laboratory of the crazy scientist and his immobile feline companion, where they've been shot with enough radiation to make The Hulk wince. Alas, they don't get the results they're looking for until they try it on SuperPro, who already has powers.

A short revelation later, Phil changes into his special pajamas (not those...) and begins a one-man assault on the camp. Meanwhile, The Happy Campers are taken hostage by the scientist because... well, the cat probably told him it was a good idea.

And then...



In the ensuing battle, The Happy Campers start to feel a little funny. Almost like how you feel when you're 13, but more... super heroic. And amazing things start to happen.

First, Kwong Dae, starts to spout incomprehensible math gibberish and really terrible puns...



Tubby Walsh gets a rumbly in his tumbly...



J. Pennington Pennypacker discovers he can make all his problems go away, just by throwing money at them...



And finally, Frank Moody, everyone's favorite mortician, discovers he can run REALLY fast.



Because he's a jogger, of course. What did you expect? That he could raise the dead? Or have access to other worldly occult power? Now who's being ridiculous?

Anyway, with the power of the Happy Campers at his side, SuperPro is able to turn the tide and win the day. Phil, Im sure, went on to file a half-assed and down right terrible expose' for his sports news channel after the dust was cleared, but what happened to The Happy Campers?

Details are scarce on these guys, but that won't stop my rampant speculation. After returning home, the guys tried to make a go of the whole, Super Team thing. At first, they made the time and busted an odd mugging here and there. But as time went on, their priorities started to shift.

Pennington was the first to stop going out, as his newfound power led to another new power for him: The power to get laid. The allure of sweet lovin' proved to be too much for him, taking him away from the group he founded. And then when Tubby died - a result of his love of hostess minicakes and refusal to exercise ever - the group splintered and hasn't seen much of each other since.

They're all retired now, living their lonely suburban lives and just waiting for the cold embrace of death. Everyone, that is, except for Frank. Frank keeps hoping that if he runs fast enough the world will finally let him go and let him fly like he always dreamed.

Keep chasing that dream, Frank Moody.



Come back tomorrow for the supercharged finale of NFL SuperPro week!

NFL SuperPro Week Day 3 - The Greatest Issue Ever

With Football blimps and Lawrence Taylor, NFL SuperPro Week continues! We've talked about his origin. We've showcased his villains. Today we examine the greatest NFL SuperPro issue ever!

You better be sitting down, because this one will BLOW YOUR MIND WITH AWESOME!



After four long issues of pun-tastic villains, Fabian Nicieza and his dearest creation parted ways. Filling the void in all our hearts was Buzz Dixon, who gave the world some of the craziest and most memorable issues of the series. But it was his first issue that was the best; SuperPro #5



Teamed with artist Jose Delbo, Dixon puts on a clinic on how a SuperPro comic should read.

Everything begins innocently enough as our hero (Phil Grayson) and his sidekick (Ken Reid) watch a heated game between The New York Giants and The Miami Dolphins. Then, on page two, the ground opens up and a meaty pair of hands drag Lawrence Taylor underground and the insanity starts.



While the rest of the stadium gawk at the hole in a stunned silence, Phil and Ken leap into action. They hop down the hole and shimmy their way through the tunnel it connects to just in time to see LT being tossed into a nondescript guy by three very conspicuous monstrous men in matching uniforms; The Headhunters. And before you know it, they spot our heroes.



Phil shows he's a true hero by rushing off to change his wardrobe, while leaving the decidedly unsuperpowered Ken to fend for himself against these Men Beasts. Way to go, SuperPro!

Even with his super clothes on, SuperPro is no match for The Headhunters. They knock him into a parked car for good measure before speeding off with the purloined Lawrence Taylor.

Meanwhile, I'm sure Ken stood back and smiled at SuperPro getting what he deserved. At least, that's what I would do.

Back at the hotel, Phil is getting a full rubdown from his 'girlfriend' Jane Dixon when he receives the news that twenty other NFL superstars were also captured this day. Writing it all down on the standard-issue hotel chalkboard, Phil becomes a regular Sherlock Holmes piecing the mystery of the missing players together. Who ever is behind all this is kidnapping players to form his own team... but why?

Phil deduces the next player to be taken, but is in no hurry to do anything about it. Even though it's his 'friend', Phil opts to drag his feet on the matter, only telling the player in question, QB Ron Macedon, about the kidnapping plot the next day in person.



If you ask me, I think Phil was hoping that Ron was captured before he got there. Phil probably holds a grudge that Ron can still play ball while he's just a washed up loser.

Anyway, sure enough, The Headhunters make their move on Ron moments later in arguably the greatest kidnapping vehicle ever.



God, I love it so much. It looks like it's a few rolls of duct tape short of showing up on thereIfixedit.

The players, of course, are oblivious to this flying contraption hovering above them, so none of them warn Ron about the man hanging from the ladder grasping for him. Or maybe everyone just hates Ron and were looking forward to having the day away from him.

In no time, Ron's limp and on the blimp while SuperPro is finally changed and ready for action. He leaps to grab the dirigible...



...And barely makes it.

A fight ensues between Flinch, the electrifying point man on this mission, and SuperPro. One liners and several near falls later, Phil grabs on to the bottom of the truck as the men inside it (oblivious to their stowaway) decide to detach the van from the blimp.

Lemme say that again for effect: The Headhunters decide to unhook their shitty van from their make-shift, but totally boss, blimp while still high in the air. How could their van possibly survive the fall?



Helium in the tires, of course. What were you expecting? That they land hard on the ground, shattering the drive train and smashing SuperPro underneath? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?

An eight mile drive later, unencumbered by little nuisances like the cops (it's settled then, everyone hates Ron because he's an insufferable asshole), the van arrives at The Headhunters' headquarters: An abandoned football stadium.

When these guys find a theme, they stick to it. Good for them.

Back to it, SuperPro crawls out from under the van and sneaks into the stadium where he runs afoul of my favorite member of The Headhunters, Kabuki-Back. Who takes SuperPro down with my favorite weapon ever: The Long Bomb.



I don't know why more assassins don't make use of it...

SuperPro wakes up from the explosion to find himself in a cage being watched by the coach of The Headhunters, Buck Sutter. Sutter goes off on a monologue where he explains that the NFL never gave him and his hard nose style a chance. So, in an attempt to prove he was better than them, he kidnapped the best players to force them to play a scrimmage match.

Because, you know, the best team in the NFL isn't the well oiled unit that acts as one like say The Patriots, but rather just a bunch of skilled athletes using a generic playbook, like the AFC Pro Bowl team.

With the NFL team roster complete, it's time to play ball...



...and in no time it becomes a full on brawl. Just like real football.

After escaping his cage, SuperPro joins the melee, fighting the only way he knows how: by trying to kill dudes. First, hoping for a result like he had with Instant Replay, he attempts to electrocute Flinch.



Then, hoping for a repeat on what happened with Quick Kick, he sabotages the thigh-jet wearing Bullet's avionics.



What can I say, the man has an MO. Cross him and he'll kill you without a second thought.

The book ends with a setup ripe for a current Marvel Scribe to pick up and run with...



I'm looking at you, Jason Aaron. Make it happen!

And there you have it. In one issue, Buzz Dixon and Jose Delbo have given us the perfect example of what a SuperPro book should be. Crazy football themed criminals against a dimwitted, lame one-line spouting, murder-prone, corporate whore of a superhero. Do yourself a favor and track this one down, I promise that you'll love it.

Come back tomorrow for another amazing sketch in the afternoon and then in the evening for the SuperPro spinoff that should have been.

See you then!