I Made a Movie AND NOW YOU CAN BUY IT!

I'm sure you noticed the significant drop off in posts around here circa 2012.  I assure you it wasn't due to a lack of love for comics, lack of desire to write, or a passing interest in blogging, but rather because my time was being taken up by something else.  That something else was a movie.  And now you can buy it on DVD and/or VOD.

Crazypants, right?

The movie is LOVE IN THE TIME OF MONSTERS, and I'm super proud of it.  The epitome of a passion project, it's something that my cohorts and I have been working on for a LONG time.  It's a tribute to not only to the power of hard work, but also the grueling realities of independent filmmaking.

"So, yeah yeah, hard work and all that.  What's this thing about?" I can hear you asking (BTW, you really should stop talking to yourself)

LOVE IN THE TIME OF MONSTERS is a horror comedy in the grand tradition of Evil Dead 2 and Slither, full of gags, gore, and girls.  It's fun for everyone!  Assuming everyone is over at least 16.

The movie follows sisters Carla and Marla as they travel to a kitchy roadside lodge to surprise Carla's fiance who works as a costumed bigfoot performer.  But wouldn't you know it, as the girls arrive the fiancé and his coworkers fall into a lake of toxic waste only to emerge as murderous monsters (underneath their bigfoot suits, 'natch).  Now the sisters, trapped at the lodge with other colorful employees, have to fight the monsters while saving the one they love.

As Best Horror Movies put it: "It is the very definition of a highly entertaining film.”  

And Fanboy planet continued:  "Once you think it’s gonna stop, it doesn’t. It literally doesn’t stop until the credits roll."

Excited yet?

What if I told you, in addition to this killer concept, the cast included Kane Hodder (Jason from Friday the 13th 7-X and Victor Crowley from Hatchet), Doug Jones (Abe Sapien from Hellboy, Fauna from Pan's Labyrinth, and just about everything), Mike McShane (Friar Tuck from Prince of Thieves and as himself in the British Who's Line Is It Anyway?), and Heather Rae Young (Playboy's Miss February 2010)?  Not to mention the slew of fantastic up-and-coming actors I'm sure you'll be hearing from more like Gena Shaw, Marissa Skell, Paula Rhodes, Ben Palacios, Hugo Armstrong, Alex Sanborn, and more!  I dare you to find a bad performance in the bunch.  Hint, you won't be able to, that's how great everyone is.

Don't take my word for it though, just check out what Doug had to say about Gena in particular when he was talking to Dread Central:  "She is a total movie star,”Jones said. “She is a screen presence that we’re going to be dealing with for years to come. She reminds me of a young Jamie Gertz, who I recently worked with on ‘The Neighbors.'"

Can you feel the excitement bubbling up inside?

How about our big official trailer.  Courtesy of our distributor, Indican Pictures:

Pretty cool, right?

"Okay, okay. Where can I see this thing?" I hear you asking (seriously though, you need to stop talking to your computer).

Well, if you're one of those modern kids who don't need a DVD, you can buy/rent a copy via most of the big sites like iTunes, Amazon, Vudu, and more.  We're also available on some cable providers, so make sure to give them a look if that's all you got.

Alternately, if you're like me and like to own DVDs, we're listed on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Best Buy.  I don't know if we'll make it into the stores (blame the weird economics of selling DVDs for that) but I'll let you know if/when we find out.

You can go for either one, but I suggest going for the DVD if only because it comes with the added benefits of a Blooper Reel, Deleted Scenes, BTS videos, and a commentary by me, the producer, and the writer.  We tried to make it full of as much material we had because we, like you, hate bare bones DVDs.

Now you know why I'm excited.

If you're curious, but not quite hooked or totally hooked and want to know more, then I'd like to turn you towards the official LOVE IN THE TIME OF MONSTERS web presence.  You can read about everything from our start to now at the official site, LoveInTheTimeOfMonsters.com.  You can keep up on the day to day at our Facebook page.  Or you can get little snippets of stuff via our Twitter, @UncleSlavko.

If you've read all that AND you love everything then I urge you to spread the word.  Tell your friends, your twitter feed, your Facebook, your barber, whatever.  We're doing what we can to get the word out, but any way you can add to the noise not only helps but is greatly appreciated.

I hope you end up enjoying it as much as I enjoyed making it.  Now, back to griping about comics... 

Heroes for Hire: The Movie!

Or at least an approximation of what the movie post could/would look like if it was a 70s style Grindhouse feature. This may come as a surprise, but if I could will one thing into existence it would be this.

Here's hoping the HoH get some love from Marvel Studios Phase 3!

This chunk of dreams comes from KharyRandolph over on the Deviantart.

The Greatest Movie Poster You've Never Seen

It speaks for itself.

I'm Just Going to Leave This Here...

I'd be remiss in my bloggerly duties if I didn't post the new Avengers trailer (not to be confused with the New Avengers trailer, that I'm sure is more than a few years off), regardless of how prevalent it is on the interwebs.

Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go pick up the bits of my brain that are scattered around the living room.

The Definitive Star Wars Viewing Order

Since the release of Episode III, Star Wars fans everywhere have argued about in what order n00bs should watch the movies. Some argue that you should watch them numerically, 1-6, an experience the story the way it was meant to be told. Others argue that you shouldn't start with the shitty ones and should watch them 4-6 and 1-3. Hell, some argue you should just ignore the prequels all together. I, however, argue that such linear approaches to watching these modern myths lessen their impact and have devised my own, dare I say perfect, viewing order: 4, 1, 2, 5, 3, 6.

The crux of this order comes from the moment in Episode II where Anakin loses his hand. In the theater I remember being upset that there wasn't more of a moment for Anakin's loss of limb like there was for Luke. I couldn't believe they would drop the ball on one of the most connective moments between father and son. "Foul," I cried out, "George Lucas has lost his damn mind!"

And then it hit me: It doesn't matter if Anakin loses a hand. It only matters that Luke does because it explicitly shows him on the same path as his father.

So it got me thinking about how to watch these movies when they were all finished. Obviously if I watched Empire before Clones, I would want a big deal made of Anakin losing his hand. However, if I watched Clones (and by extension Sith) before Empire then the magical "I am your Father" moment and the lead up to it is lost. So I took a page out of the non-linear storytelling that Tarantino loves so much and came up with my order: 4, 1, 2, 5, 3, 6.

Let's break it down by movie, shall we?

Episode IV: A New Hope

Let's just cut to the chase: A New Hope is everything that a fan wants from a Star Wars movie. It has action, romance, space battles, lightsaber battles, quippy one liners, and truly fantastic set pieces. If this movie doesn't get your motor running, you need to check your pulse because you might be dead. It's the perfect introduction to the larger world that is Star Wars with enough hints to get you hooked, but with enough resolution to make you satisfied by the end.

This movie establishes that Obi-Wan and Anakin were friends in a more civilized age, fought in the clone wars, and ultimately that Anakin was killed by Darth Vader. It sets the stage for a lot of things that, if seen in numerical order, might not jive as well as it would as an introduction.

Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Operating as a flashback, Phantom shows us the world that Obi-Wan hinted at in A New Hope. Seen on it's own, or first, it might scare people off with it's wooden acting and confusing character choices, but with a bit of investment from a previous movie Menace becomes much more engaging to watch.

You know, for all the shit it gets, Menace isn't that bad. It's the only happy chapter of the saga and acts as a nice contrast to the rest of the movies. A contrast you'll see almost immediately with the next chapter.

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Here's where things start getting fun and/or dark. Still in flashback mode, Clones illustrates the friendship and friction that Obi-Wan and Anakin had. You see the flares of that Skywalker impetuousness, the Skywalker compassion, the start of the Clone War, plenty of action, and a hint of despair.

It's here that you start to see the beginnings of The Empire, the tragedy of Anakin's path, and the threads start coming together.

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Back to the "present", we find Luke on the next leg of his journey. Without the guiding hand of Obi-Wan, Luke is sent to train with Yoda who is more than reluctant to continue with him. Yoda thinks he's too old (which has been set up by him making the same argument about Anakin in Episode I and all the younglings in Episode II), too headstrong, and, probably, too whiny.

While Luke trains there are hints to his connection with Vader and explicit examples of him acting just like Anakin. So when Luke rushes in to save his friends because he just loves them so much (similar to Anakin in Episode II) and as a result gets his ass beat by a Sith Lord (again, just like Anakin), you expect that Vader is going to make another notch on his 'Skywalkers killed' belt. Then, right when you know that killing blow is going to happen, Vader drops the truth and shatters Luke's (and the audience's) world. Seething with questions of how such a thing could happen, it's time to turn to Episode III.

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

With the idea of tragedy and betrayal lodged in our minds, we turn to Revenge of the Sith. Here we see Anakin and Obi-Wan fighting side by side in the Clone Wars, we watch a conflicted Anakin make terrible decisions while stumbling down his dark path, and ultimately Anakin's rise as Darth Vader.

Watching it this way, you feel Anakin's sadness as he's put into the suit, but not in a way that disturbs the reveal in Empire. Further, the birth of the twins isn't such a big deal because now you know their parentage (the Leia thing is admittedly still a bit wonky, but you can't win them all, right?)

Finally, with all the backstory in order we turn to the grand finale.

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

The greatest thing about Jedi, to me, is Luke's ambiguity. From the beginning he's dressed like his father, freely choking people, and generally on the verge of headed to the dark side. All the way until the end and his big showdown with Vader in the presence of The Emperor you're not entirely sure what side Luke's going to come down on. In the end you realize that he represents equal parts of the light and the dark, he's the balance of the force. And, as foretold back in Episode I, Anakin 'returns' to bring that balance to the forefront by killing The Emperor and, at the same time, ensuring his own demise.

____________________________________________________________

And there it is, the complete Saga virtually all plot twists intact and all the movies represented, perfect for the uninitiated viewer. Now if you could only find someone who's been living in a cave all their life so they'd be legitimately surprised by these overly spoiled twists....

Weekend Matinee: TIME COP

It's a holiday weekend and, if you're anything like me, you need something to keep you busy between the long days of BBQs and the glorious nights of fireworks. You're in luck, I got just the thing: the 1994 Jean Claude Van Damme classic TIME COP!



Truth be told, this is probably my favorite Jean Claude movie ever (sorry, Double Team). The story goes that in the distant future of 2004, time travel has been invented and with it a time police force has been created. The best cop on the force is, of course, Jean Claude, a man with a tragic past and nothing to lose. You know, typical action movie stuff. Throughout the movie, the point is made that time is like a lake and any change can cause a ripple through the rest of time and that's where my brain starts to hurt.

So, okay, they establish in the movie that whatever happens in the past is instantly reflected in the future with a scene where a young Ron Silver is cut on the cheek and his older counterpart instantly develops a scar. It occurs to me then, that once someone goes back in time to change things, ideally, the cops would have no idea. Minor infractions, like gaming the stock market or picking up an issue of Action Comics #1, might not have that big of an effect, but bigger things like mass destruction/murder definitely would. So, if a criminal wanted to, couldn't they just shoot a person or two and change the future where the cops came from? Also, if they went back for a few months and raised to prominence, wouldn't the future change so the time cops wouldn't know that they weren't supposed to be there? These are the things that keep me awake at night.

This week's clip, I think, is a great example of this. In it, Jean Claude shows up in 1929 to arrest some time fugitive who has apparently been in the past long enough to become a successful stock broker at a large company. The fugitive resists, resulting in a fist fight turned future gun fight in a very busy office. I can't not believe that this didn't have a major effect on the future. In so much, that I almost believe that every time a time cop went back to stop someone, the future they returned to was a different place than before. It blows my mind if I think about it too much.

Instead, I say we focus on what's important: Jean Claude's knack for dialogue and his huge mullet.



Ahhh.... Good times.

Weekend Matinee: CLOVERFIELD

It's Sunday afternoon (really!) and, if you're anything like me, you're still all fired up after seeing Super 8 that all you really want to watch is another great JJ Abrams-inspired monster romp. Well, why don't we check out the obvious answer to our genre pangs: the 2008, Matt Reeves directed CLOVERFIELD.



Man, I wish every giant monster movie was like this one. Not with the constant shaky, "I'm videotaping all of this in real time" stuff, but the smaller, man-on-the-street style of the story. I dig my sweeping epics as much as the next guy, but there's something more satisfying when the we only get to see a small sliver of the larger story.

To me, and I'm sure many others, Cloverfield is what the '98 remake of Godzilla should be. It celebrates the idea of a giant monster attacking a major metropolis, and doesn't get too bogged down in biology or Jamiroquai hits.

It's been a while since I've seen this one, but man has it stuck with me. It wasn't necessarily the characters that did, but rather the intensity and those fantastic 'movie moments' that make me proud to be the genre fan that I am. I sincerely hope that Cloverfield gets either a direct sequel soon, or at the very least another spiritual followup a la Super 8. Because I'm eagerly waiting for the day when I can do that three movie marathon.

So my clip this week, ironically, has no giant monsters in it. Instead, it's my favorite scene in the movie where the heroes are attacked in the sewer by some smaller, helper monsters and awesomeness occurs.

Weekend Matinee: JASON X

In case you weren't aware, I'm currently in preproduction for my first feature film and this week was pretty awesome. Why, you ask? Because this week we got our first cast member, horror legend and all around crazy guy KANE HODDER! And I'm totally over the moon for it. So to celebrate, I figure we might as well turn our attention to Kane's final turn at his star making role as Jason Voorhees in the underrated 2001 end-of-an-era masterpiece: JASON X



Okay, so maybe it's not that good, but it still holds a very special place in my heart. This was the first Friday the 13th movie I ever had the pleasure of watching, and it totally opened my eyes at how fun the genre could be. I mean, come on, it's about a frozen psychopath getting unfrozen in the future and terrorizing space cadets on their crazy future space station. Try to tell me that isn't awesome!

And then, for the third act twist, our titular character gets upgraded from the murderous zombie he was (Remember he was brought back to life in part 6) into a murderous cyber zombie with the influx of nanomachines. Finally, a Jason that can terrorize my grandkids just like he terrorized me.

Sure the movie is a bit uneven, with terrible Syfy movie-esque music and some pretty terrible acting, but it makes no bones about what it's trying to be: A fun slasher about a mentally challenged camp kid in space with only his machete.

This week's clip is the first appearance of Jason 3.0 - Or would it be 4.0 because of all that demon worm stuff from Jason Goes to Hell? - as he shows off what his fancy new body can do. ENJOY!

The X-Men First Class Spin Off You've Been Waiting For

The X-Men First Class Rejects.

X Men - First Class REJECTS Trailer - watch more funny videos

I dunno about you, but I would totally pay 8 bucks to see that at the theater. It couldn't be any worse than that Wolverine movie, that's for damn sure.

Weekend Matinee: RAIDERS OF THE LIVING DEAD

It's Saturday afternoon and, if you're anything like me, you're looking for something to watch this beautiful Memorial Day saturday while you're busy nursing that hangover from the night before. In that case, I have the perfect movie for you, the beautiful horribleness that is RAIDERS OF THE LIVING DEAD.



This is the kind of bad movie that I love. Between the bad plotting, shoddy storytelling, and ridiculous scripting, this one is just begging for a full on group screening with plenty of booze and quippy one liners. It's like The Room kind of bad, and that's what makes it so awesome.

By far and away, the best thing about this movie is the kid hero (who's name escapes me, but whatever) and all of his scenes. From his first appearance where he tries to do his homework while his grandfather rambles about his boring ass life to his experiments with his homemade laser beam, the kid is pure gold. Oh yeah, did I mention that he makes a laser gun out of laserdisc player and then subsequently kills his hamster with it? Yeah. It's amazing! Totally worth the price of admission right there.

The best thing about this movie? You can watch it RIGHT NOW! FOR FREE! Youtube for the win! If you're still not convinced at how awesome this movie is, then check out the trailer. And if that doesn't do it for you, man I don't know what to do with you. If a free movie doesn't get you excited, maybe you need to reexamine your priorities in life. I'm just saying...

Weekend Matinee: I COME IN PEACE

It's Sunday afternoon and, if you're anything like me, you're wishing the weekend was at least a week longer because seriously this 'working five days in a row' thing is for the birds. Alas, with only one day before the grind starts up again in earnest, the only solution to making a weekend epic is an epic movie. And to me, nothing fits the bill this weekend better than the 1990 Dolph Lundgren classic, I COME IN PEACE!



I'll never forget the tagline for this movie: I come in peace... you leave in pieces. For years it stuck with me, even though I didn't see the movie until relatively recently. It was one of those trailers that was attached to some VHS I had, you know the ones, but never could seem to find at the video store. Between this and Step Kids (which changed it's title...), most of my childhood was spent hunting videos that I was convinced existed only to taunt me.

Anyway, it's probably a good thing I didn't see this one when I was eight. Dolph Lundgren plays a cop on the trail of a series of drug related murders, forced ODs, which finds himself in the path of an angry, pale, vaguely European space alien. The alien as it turns out, is trying to harvest his own drug, by forcing his victims to OD on heroin. Sounds like the best drug ever!

Between the wanton ODs, there are plenty of crazy action scenes involving everyone's favorite action chemist and this pasty, well armed alien. But honestly, that's pretty standard fare when it comes to my weekend matinee movies, so you should be expecting that already. But if you forgot, this week's clip will be happy to remind you. Here's Dolph beating up a buncha dudes. ENJOY!

Weekend Matinee: THE ELIMINATORS

It's Saturday afternoon and if you're anything like me, you're so incredibly bummed out that the PSN network is still down and you can't watch check out the Netflix streaming. It sucks man. What am I supposed to do, watch it off my computer like a schlub? How am I supposed to surf the internet and watch a movie then! ugh.

Anyway, for those of you with the means to find your awesome movies elsewhere, may I suggest the 1986 classic: THE ELIMINATORS!



This is one of those genre classics that doesn't get nearly the amount of attention it deserves. While not truly the movie that the poster describes, it does follow the Mandroid (I'll give you one guess which one that is) as he tries to stop an evil madman, with help from Tasha Yar, a Han Solo knock-off, and a ninja. It's a match made in 80s heaven.

This is the kind of movie that I always wanted to see when I was a kid, that for some reason alluded me. Thank the gods for the internet and fellow genre fans that turned me on to this, because it's a doozy. Sure, it's slow in parts, but I can't really stay angry at a movie that involves a cyborg that's half tank, hillbillies riding suped up ATVs, a fight with Cro-Magnons, and the ninja son of a scientist (it's like a stereotype squared). It's got something for everyone.

Just check out this compilation of awesomeness and try holding yourself back from rushing out to find this one.



Love it! PROTIP: This would make an excellent double feature with MEGAFORCE, for that perfect "this is what I wish GI JOE Rise of Cobra was like" marathon.

Weekend Matinee: HARD TICKET TO HAWAII

It's Saturday afternoon and if you're anything like me, you're in the mood for something awesome to go along with all the free comics you got today. You're in luck, because I got just the thing: Andy Sidaris' 1987 masterpiece, HARD TICKET TO HAWAII.



It's weird, I didn't see this movie until fairly recently, but everything about it felt familiar. It's as if they took all of the cliche's of an 80s action movie, boiled them all down to their base components and fused them back together. The result is nothing less than pure, uncut awesome.

This is, hands down, one of the craziest movies I've ever seen. It's as if every scene was a made on a dare to out do the previous scene, and to keep pushing the bounds of good taste without totally devolving into a Troma-esque parody of itself. A total crowd pleaser, Hard Ticket to Hawaii needs to be a part of your collection, like, yesterday.

Weekend Matinee: THE THING WITH TWO HEADS

It's Sunday afternoon, and if you're anything like me, you're thinking "Hey, isn't this normally a Saturday thing?" Well, yes it should be, but a combination of work, the PSN network being down, and general life distractions have kept me from it. Have no fear though, because today we're back with a sure-fire classic that will make your Sunday the greatest Funday ever! Say hello to the 1972 classic: THE THING THAT HAD TWO HEADS!



Really, when you get right down to it, there's nothing finer than a two headed, half-racist convict on a dirtbike to chase away any blues you might have.

I don't feel like I need to say much about this one that isn't already on display on the poster. If you like heavy handed 70s racism (don't worry, that guy gets his comeuppance), two-headed gorillas, and flimsy science, then this one has it all. If you're looking for Oscar worthy performances and positive portrayals of two-headed gorillas, well then maybe you should skip this week.

For the rest of you, if you enjoy those big 'Awesome' works that are the fad these days, then this one is a must see. Grab a brewski, some buds, and get ready for the ride of your life. Don't believe me quite yet? Check the trailer:



You know it'll be awesome when the trailer starts with the phrase "It seemed like a good idea at the time..."

Weekend Matinee: THE ROCKETEER

It's Saturday Afternoon and if you're anything like me, you're feeling super patriotic today. At least in the sense that you could enjoy some old fashioned Nazi bashing. If so, then do I got the movie for you: THE ROCKETEER!



I find myself talking about this early 90s almost-gem a lot in these recent months. The refrain is always the same: I'm excited about Captain America because Joe Johnston did The Rocketeer. It's a fabulous, high flying, action adventure with only one fatal flaw: the male lead, Billy Campbell.

With it's crazy talented cast, The Rocketeer becomes a textbook example of the importance of a strong leading man. It's not that Campbell doesn't look like a leading man it's just, much like Orlando Bloom, he lacks the charisma to carry a movie by himself. It's such a hard thing to pin down, really, all I know is that poor Billy Campbell doesn't seem to have it.

Assuming you don't mind the lack of a strong lead, or can just roll with it, the rest of it is just plain fun. I mean, come on, it's got a guy in a jet pack fighting mobsters and undercover nazis! And the last scene takes place on a blimp! There's so much cool shit in this movie, I almost guaruntee you'll be cursing out the tepid performance of ol' Billy just as much as I am when the credits start to roll.

It's also, as I mentioned before, a nice taste of what I hope Joe Johnston's Captain America will be: Sweeping action, unquestionable grandeur, with scenes that are destined to become classic in a Spielberg-lite kind of way. And this time with the strong lead that The Rocketeer so desperately needed.

This week's clip gives you a little sample of all of that, and will totally whet your appetite for more. Enjoy!

Weekend Matinee: TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE

It's Saturday afternoon and if you're anything like me you've just realized that I've been doing Weekend Matinee's for a year now. Crazy, right? So I decided, that since today is a special day, it deserves a special movie. Get ready for one of the greatest movies of all time, and my personal favorite, TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE!



What? You didn't think I would showcase that Michael Bay shit, did you?

I can't tell you how much I love this movie. While I have an undying love to things like Star Wars, Transformers here was one of those defining movies of my childhood. The music, the characters, the iconic moments, all stuck with me from when I first saw it in the theater and will stay with me until I'm old and gray arguing with my kids about the untapped potential of Hot Rod.

Luckily for you, if you haven't seen it, it's pretty readily available on DVD (or BluRay, if you're one of those) which is a nice change from how it was prior to this latest geek explosion. There was a time, not so long ago, that it was impossible to find. From 1988 through 2001, the movie was no where to be found and seemed like it would be lost to the sands of time forever.

Then, in the summer of 2001, during my then yearly excursions to SDCC, I found a brand new copy of it, shrinkwrapped and from Canada, for thirty bucks. Without hesitation, I threw down my cash and made the greatest purchase of my life (up until that point). Sure, I found it for cheaper later in the con, but I didn't care because now I had my grail.

That summer, my roommate and I watched that movie on a daily basis. We'd throw it on just to watch Optimus Prime's and Megatron's final battle only to get sucked into Hot Rod's journey to greatness. We fell in love with the rocking Stan Bush soundtrack all over again, prompting a new quest to own it on CD (quest accomplished). It somehow was everything we remembered it to be and more; it was the greatest movie ever.

In case you're still not a believer, check that aforementioned battle and try not to get goosebumps. It's the kind of awesome that Michael Bay wishes he could accomplish.



Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a classic to go watch.

Weekend Matinee: NIGHT OF THE CREEPS

It's Saturday Afternoon and if you're anything like me you're looking for something to wash that horrible April Fools Day taste out of your mouth. Lucky for us, I have just the thing: Fred Decker's 1986 classic NIGHT OF THE CREEPS!



From the opening sequence of tiny aliens rushing through their giant industrial ship, to the final fiery showdown, this movie has a little bit of something for everyone. The basic plot follows your typical college freshmen as he and his buddy accidentally unleash an epidemic of space slugs that turn the population into murderous zombies. You know, standard 80s insanity.

"This sounds familiar..." I hear you saying (By the way, you really shouldn't talk to your computer like that, it makes you seem like a crazy person), and you're right. This movie was the inspiration to 2006's Slither, which also followed the plight of world dominating space slugs. Rest assured, the similarities end there. My suggestion would be to see these two movies as a double feature and forgo any other responsibilities that you might have this weekend.

If you're still not sold, then strap in for this weeks clip because it's got a little bit of everything: Zombies, slugs, flamethrowers, Rusty Grissom, a badass Tom Atkins and a slew of cute girls. Really, I don't know if you need anything else.



THRILL ME!

Weekend Matinee: SAMURAI COP

It's Saturday afternoon and, if you're anything like me, you're looking for something to cap off this amazing awesome week. To my mind, there's nothing more appropriate at a time like this than to bring out the big guns. I present to you the 1989 Amir Shervan classic, SAMURAI COP.



This is one of those fantastic examples of how great a bad movie can be. The direction is just sloppy enough, the acting wooden, and the pacing just slow enough to be hilarious without being too annoying. Toss in an starring role from Robert "The Chin" Z'Dar, a porn star and a body count that rivals Commando, and you got yourself a regular forgotten classic. Add in a few beers and this one's a party ready to happen.

The story follows Matt Hannan's (a former Stallone bodyguard, BTW) Joe Marshall a San Diego cop, trained in the martial arts, who was brought to Los Angeles to help deal with the rampant Asian Gang problem. The movie picks up as he's been on the job for about a week and all he has to show for his effort is casual sex with the hot, and VERY slutty, helicopter pilot. Helping Joe with his quest is quite possibly my favorite sidekick in any action movie ever: Frank Washington.



Every cutaway to this guy is pure gold. He's the Nic Cage of this movie, with his cavalier attitude and lame one liners. I can't decide if the actor understood that he was in a bad movie and didn't care or if he was really trying to be the sassy black sidekick that everyone would love. Either way, it's something to behold and I dare you not to love every scene he's in.

For this week's clip, I was trying to find something that really distilled the essence of how awesomely bad Samurai Cop is. While clips of the big action scenes are pretty fun, I opted instead to give you a taste of the caliber of acting herein with this iconic showdown.

Enjoy!



Now, this one is a bit hard to find, but if you look hard enough, I'm sure you'll be able to find it somewhere on the webs.

Weekend Matinee: THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE

It's Saturday afternoon and, if you're anything like me, you're still nursing that hangover from Saint Patty's Day and that Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family just ain't cutting it. Well, you're in luck because I got just the thing: the 1990 Andrew Dice Clay classic THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE!



Remember last week how I was all bummed that Drop Zone wasn't as insane as Deadfall? It seems that the movie gods were listening when they bestowed me with this Renny Harlin neo-noir opus. With a shaky lead, tons of voice over, and an overall goofiness, Ford Fairlane was the perfect movie to get me out of my Nic Cage funk.

Andrew Dice Clay plays the title character, a Rock and Roll detective, searching for some random girl who had a sexual tryst with Priscilla Presley and Gilbert Gottfried. Yeah, it's kind of... unexpected. Then some bullshit happens involving Wayne Newton (as an evil record exec), Freddy Krueger (as an evil henchman), and that kid from Blind Fury (as a tiny Andrew Dice Clay). Plus, it features of a scene of The Diceman watching TV with a koala.




What it has in pure convoluted storytelling, Ford Fairlane makes up for in pure insanity. It's the perfect followup to Deadfall if you're looking for an appropriate way to come down off that high.

In case that picture didn't totally sell you on it, this week's clip should leave no question in your mind about the merits of this movie. Without further ado, here's my favorite Ed O'Neil scene, featuring his never released hit song: Booty Time. Enjoy!

Weekend Matinee: DROP ZONE

It's Saturday Afternoon and if you're anything like me, you need something to watch while you nurse that aching back that's keeping you from doing all that cleaning (sorry FutureWife!). Well then, I got just the thing for you: The 1994 Wesley Snipes skydiving classic DROP ZONE!



Package this with Point Break and Terminal Velocity and you got yourself a party. Well, you know, except for the fact that no one would show up for it.

Under the direction of John Badham (not to be confused with Hal Needham), Snipes plays a US Marshall who's tasked with taking a criminal computer hacker to a safe house. But, because this is an action movie, the plane gets overtaken by terrorists (led by Gary Busey, of course) who steal the hacker, blow a hole in the plane, and skydive away while killing Theo Huxtable. Distraught over the loss of this 80s icon, and met with disbelief from his superiors that anyone could jump out of a 747, Snipes opts to work outside of the law to bring the terrorists to justice. You know, typical action movie stuff.

From there the movie becomes almost a superficial copy of Point Break, as Snipes tries to learn the ins and outs of skydiving so he can jump in some competition or something. Honestly, I was only half watching this one so I'm not really sure. All I know is that Snipes wears the most ridiculous looking pants throughout, rides a silly looking motorcycle, and somehow can't land the girl even though she's played by Yancy Butler.

Much like most of Snipes' movies, this one is fun but lacks the total insanity of most of the top tier action stars stuff. He has a few great lines, a couple of great stunts, but in the end it's no Commando or Cobra. But really, what is?

Sorry it's not the ringing endorsement that these normally are, but ever since Deadzone everything just seems a bit less insane. Here, check out this compilation of the best of Drop Zone and make up your own mind.