Don't Go To Sleep

Checking the Marvel Solicits for April, I saw this:

I can't tell you how excited I am for this. Between Darkhawk's big supporting role in Avengers Arena, rumors of the return of Spider-Man 2099, and this, 2013 looks to be the year the 90s returns in force.

I only hope this means a return of The Slingers by January. I mean, I know it doesn't, but a man can hope, right?

And now, Nazis Riding Dinosaurs

That is all.

Guy faces off against my nightmare teamup in Guy Gardner Warrior #23 via dreammakers Beau Smith and Mitch Byrd.

InsaNINETIES - Fighting American

I'm straight up confused at how Rob Liefeld was able to publish Fighting American without getting his ass sued. Seriously, just look at this cover and explain to me how this was okay with the Marvel legal department:

And that's just the start! Just wait to see what happens when we crack the cover!

First though, a bit of backstory. You see, back in 96, Marvel was in dire economic straits and, in an effort to make some money, they farmed out a few characters to comic legends Jim Lee and Rob Liefeld (yes, he's a legend even if he's the butt of every comic joke on the interwebs). It was a very controversial move at the time, to say the least.

The deal was the two would get four books - Iron Man and The Fantastic Four for Lee; The Avengers and Captain America for Liefeld - and a year to do all the continuity-free stories they always wanted to do. It was like a proto-Ultimate universe, but without the option of the original recipe to fall back on. The results were a mixed bag.

While Lee's books were fine, Liefeld ran into scheduling and sales issues. That is to say his sucky ass books were late, and Marvel wasn't having any of it; they fired him.

Down, but not out, Liefeld did what any self respecting creative type would do and quickly respun his plots and pages into this:

At which point he was promptly threatened with legal action by the powers that were at Marvel. After what I can only assume must have been some ridiculous negotiations, Marvel agreed to let Liefeld release his book as long as he altered the costume a bit and never had the American in question throw his shield. The result was Fighting American:

"But," I hear you saying, "you said you were surprised that Marvel didn't sue him. Sounds like they threatened and he relented. End of story." (sidenote: you should really stop talking to your computer, people are going to think you're crazy)

That's the thing, I thought that was the end of the story too until I picked up an issue from a quarter bin and saw this hulking brute:

Followed quickly by these familiar commandos:

And not to mention, Fighting American's spunky girl sidekick:

The book is littered with blatant Marvel rip-offs and no one said a word about it!

Crazy, right? It's like Marvel focused on the character on the cover, that they totally ignored the ones underneath it. I'm honestly shocked, and kind of impressed, that Liefeld got away with it. Not that it mattered really.

Fighting American is like most knock-off books: incomprehensible and generic. In the issue I had, the second of his entire run, he fought The Hulk Smash before indulging in a ten page flashback and ultimately deciding to retire as Fighting American.

Ultimately, Fighting American met the same fate as Doom's IV, Bloodstrike, Prophet, and (probably) The Infinite: Obscurity. It's too bad too, Fighting American could have been a real classic....

I'm lying. But it could have been alright...

Okay! It would've been mediocre at best...

Fine! It would have been terrible. I just wanted to see him to more crazy Marvel knockoffs. A blue and orange Iron Man, an all-black Spider-Man, or a Red Goblin? The possibilities are ENDLESS and would have been have been ripe for late aught's blogosphere snark.

Sigh... A man can dream, right?

Lobo's New Look in 3 Panels

The three-ish panels to scar your brain courtesy of Lobo #13 by Alan Grant and Carl Critchlow. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to wash my eyes out with bleach

Weekend Matinee: TIME COP

It's a holiday weekend and, if you're anything like me, you need something to keep you busy between the long days of BBQs and the glorious nights of fireworks. You're in luck, I got just the thing: the 1994 Jean Claude Van Damme classic TIME COP!



Truth be told, this is probably my favorite Jean Claude movie ever (sorry, Double Team). The story goes that in the distant future of 2004, time travel has been invented and with it a time police force has been created. The best cop on the force is, of course, Jean Claude, a man with a tragic past and nothing to lose. You know, typical action movie stuff. Throughout the movie, the point is made that time is like a lake and any change can cause a ripple through the rest of time and that's where my brain starts to hurt.

So, okay, they establish in the movie that whatever happens in the past is instantly reflected in the future with a scene where a young Ron Silver is cut on the cheek and his older counterpart instantly develops a scar. It occurs to me then, that once someone goes back in time to change things, ideally, the cops would have no idea. Minor infractions, like gaming the stock market or picking up an issue of Action Comics #1, might not have that big of an effect, but bigger things like mass destruction/murder definitely would. So, if a criminal wanted to, couldn't they just shoot a person or two and change the future where the cops came from? Also, if they went back for a few months and raised to prominence, wouldn't the future change so the time cops wouldn't know that they weren't supposed to be there? These are the things that keep me awake at night.

This week's clip, I think, is a great example of this. In it, Jean Claude shows up in 1929 to arrest some time fugitive who has apparently been in the past long enough to become a successful stock broker at a large company. The fugitive resists, resulting in a fist fight turned future gun fight in a very busy office. I can't not believe that this didn't have a major effect on the future. In so much, that I almost believe that every time a time cop went back to stop someone, the future they returned to was a different place than before. It blows my mind if I think about it too much.

Instead, I say we focus on what's important: Jean Claude's knack for dialogue and his huge mullet.



Ahhh.... Good times.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of the DC Reboot

Now that some of the dust has settled on this DC non-reboot reboot, I figured it was a good time to reexamine DC's crazy ass stunt. Not for nothing, the DC brass has certainly captured the attention of the comic reading public. They've grabbed the limelight away from the House of Ideas, and it'll be theirs to lose if this thing doesn't pan out the way they're hoping. Let's break it down.

THE GOOD

Between the attempts at overly tight publishing schedules (see Countdown), the rapid reversals (See the death and return of Bart Allen), and the unclear, piecemeal nature of their in-continuity history (I'm looking at you, Power Girl), DC was in desperate need of a continuity overhaul. Things were getting a bit overly convoluted. For me, no other character exemplifies this convoluted continuity more than Jason Todd.



I dig the idea of Jason's return as much as the next guy, but I always cringe when I have to explain how he came back: Superboy-Prime, the recently powered Clark Kent from "our" Earth, got bored in his pocket dimension - that he shared with a different Superman, different Lois, and the good Lex Luthor - and started beating on the walls of reality, sending shockwaves through the fabric of time and space which resulted in the sudden un-death of Jason Todd.

You can imagine the looks I get.



It's shit like that that keeps people from diving into comics. When you have to know something from 25 years ago just to start to understand the insane reasons why another character is suddenly around, people get understandably squeamish about jumping into the monthly grind. DC recognizes this, I'm hoping, and are attempting to make things a bit easier to understand.

Plus, as I read in an interview with Scott Lobell (incoming writer on Teen Titans and Superboy) over at Bleeding Cool, most of the old continuity that worked will still be around. It won't be a wholesale reboot, so you don't have to worry about trying to figure out complete new histories on your favorite DC characters.

THE BAD

If you're not going to do a wholesale reboot, then what's the point?

As happy as I am that I'll still be able to talk about those characters I haven't read about for ten years, DC shouldn't be concerned with what I think. When it comes down to it, this not-reboot reboot ought to be more similar to Crisis on Infinite Earths - where everything basically starts over - instead of the significantly less effective method that was Zero Hour.



Do you remember Zero Hour? When they tried to clean up the lingering continuity issues left over from the then-ten year old Crisis by explicitly resetting the timeline and instituting small fixes along the way to make everything more cohesive? Do you remember Triumph (one of the founding members of the JLA) and Alpha Centurian (The first hero of Metropolis)? Of course you don't. No one does, because everything went back to the way it was within two years of Zero Hour. And if things continue like this for DC, this new non-reboot reboot will end up the same way.

The root of all of this, though, is rebooting in general. If you're trying to make your published books less convoluted, adding on yet another qualifier is not the way to do it. For instance, right now, if I want to talk about when Triumph was a member of the JLA, I need to specify that I mean the post-Zero Hour, Pre-infinite Crisis JLA, as opposed to Pre-Crisis, Post-Crisis Pre-Zero Hour, or soon the Post-Non-reboot-reboot JLA. It's problematic.



THE UGLY

The politics of reboots/restarts aside, the most fun part of this whole thing should be the new costume designs. What a great opportunity to tweak their icons to make them look their best for a new discriminating reader.

Or so I believed until I saw this:



As much as I want to sit here and rip on these costumes individually, other, better writers than myself already have. You should check out their reactions because they're all totally spot on. Instead, I'd like to focus on the global issue here: These aren't DC Costumes.

What I've always admired about DC is that every great hero in their roster is backed up by one glorious, instantly recognizable (for comic fans) symbol. Hell, they just did a big line of variant covers showing off that fact. They've been able to access world wide recognition with the simple awesomeness of these symbols, that I'm sure every other publisher wishes they had.



You can see the progression of those strong iconic symbols through the major publishers. DC, because they came first, have the strongest, simplest, most well-known symbols. Thrown in almost any context, you know what those symbols mean. Marvel came next, and while they have a few icons (The X, The Skull, and the 4), they're individual characters don't have the same appeal. For example, the spider needs the red and blue behind it so you know it's not just bad clip at, The star needs the blue and the stripes underneath it, and so on and so forth. Instead of iconic symbols, Marvel instead had iconic costumes (purple pants, red and gold, four circles) to make their characters pop. And then there was Image...

When Image came around, things like symbols and iconic costumes were somewhat passe' and you can see that in the majority of their original character designs. Everyone looked generic, with splashes of color underneath their overly complicated accouterments and grimaces. In veering so far away from the simple, they made their characters too much work to care about, which is why, I contend, that no one's clamoring for Spartan, Badrock, or Brick to return to anything... ever.

The point is, these are Image costumes, not DC costumes.



DC's on the verge of screwing up the best thing they have going. If I were them, I'd seriously consider getting someone other than Jim Lee (Who's normally fucking awesome when it comes to costume designs) to simplify these needlessly complicated and ultimately forgettable costumes.

Conclusion

In the end, I'm really intrigued to see how this all plays out for DC and the rest of the industry. Given the track record though, I'm going to be preparing for the worst though.

Good thing I only read Marvel books, right? I just hope they don't get any 'bright' ideas.

Weekend Matinee: I COME IN PEACE

It's Sunday afternoon and, if you're anything like me, you're wishing the weekend was at least a week longer because seriously this 'working five days in a row' thing is for the birds. Alas, with only one day before the grind starts up again in earnest, the only solution to making a weekend epic is an epic movie. And to me, nothing fits the bill this weekend better than the 1990 Dolph Lundgren classic, I COME IN PEACE!



I'll never forget the tagline for this movie: I come in peace... you leave in pieces. For years it stuck with me, even though I didn't see the movie until relatively recently. It was one of those trailers that was attached to some VHS I had, you know the ones, but never could seem to find at the video store. Between this and Step Kids (which changed it's title...), most of my childhood was spent hunting videos that I was convinced existed only to taunt me.

Anyway, it's probably a good thing I didn't see this one when I was eight. Dolph Lundgren plays a cop on the trail of a series of drug related murders, forced ODs, which finds himself in the path of an angry, pale, vaguely European space alien. The alien as it turns out, is trying to harvest his own drug, by forcing his victims to OD on heroin. Sounds like the best drug ever!

Between the wanton ODs, there are plenty of crazy action scenes involving everyone's favorite action chemist and this pasty, well armed alien. But honestly, that's pretty standard fare when it comes to my weekend matinee movies, so you should be expecting that already. But if you forgot, this week's clip will be happy to remind you. Here's Dolph beating up a buncha dudes. ENJOY!

Worst Babysitter EVER.

At least I'd know the kids wouldn't get shot. Oh... wait.

For the record: this is the most inaccurate cover ever. I desperately want to read the story depicted on this cover. What do I get instead? A lame ass child kidnapping/selling story in which Frank Castle struggles to beat up what appears to be a mid-40s Puerto Rican woman. Sigh. I guess I'll have to stick with Nomad for all my vigilante baby stories...

How I Learned To Not Be A Troll and Love Peter David.

"PAD sux."

Honest to God, that was my first post on the internet ever. Yes, I was that ornery 15-year old on your favorite newsgroup, trolling before trolling was trolling. And boy, did I get chewed out for it. Never again have I intentionally misspelled (unless it's for effect), not defended a position, or just flat out ignored punctuation since. I learned that lesson very quickly, but the PAD thing took a while longer.



PAD, Peter A. David for you n00bs, has been a prominent comic writer and fan-favorite for years. He's done highly regarded runs on The Incredible Hulk, Spider-Man, X-Factor (the 90s version), and X-Factor (the current version), while also tackling few novels in between. The man's a writing machine. But even with all the universal praise, to my 15-year old brain the man straight up sucked.

At the time, I didn't understand his witty banter, excellent puns, or exceedingly clever takes on any given character, all I knew is the man didn't want to play ball when it came to crossovers. Something that, as a young fanboy, I just couldn't comprehend.

From the rumors I hear, the beginning of his immense distaste for crossovers came from the end of his first run on X-Factor. It was during X-Cutioner's Song (my first big X-Crossover, by the by) that he was forced to write an issue that featured no members of the book, and instead focused on Wolverine, Cable, and Bishop.



It wasn't a terrible issue (well, all things considered), but it did kind of derail his own plots for the book. At the time I wasn't really aware it was a problem (Oh, those crazy pre-internet days...) and presently I'm aware how much that would suck, it was that time inbetween that really festered the hate in me. The thing I really couldn't get over: he dissed Onslaught.



Yeah, yeah, Onslaught's a joke now, but to my mid-90s, crazy X-Fan brain Onslaught was the culmination of years of storytelling. It was the definition of an epic - one that would have consequences that would really last, not just for the X-Universe, but the Marvel U at large - and demanded the be reflected in all of Marvel's books. To put it simply, PAD did not share my enthusiasm for the concept of an evil Professor X and his quest to take over the world.

His problem, from what I remember, was The Hulk's involvement in the fracas. For whatever reason, the higher-ups decided that The Hulk should not only be involved, but that he should be one of Onslaught's henchmen AND would ultimately be split into a monster half and a human half (with the human escaping into the... you know what, let's just leave it splitting). Needless to say, this is a huge change in the character and would severely derail any long term story lines that were already in place. So, as those who are slighted tend to do, PAD was quoted somewhere (probably in Wizard) voicing his dismay in how everything went down.




"How dare he not want to play ball with these large, universe-changing events!" I shouted to no one (I didn't have a lot of friends who read comics). "The Marvel Universe is shared, if something happens in one book, it should be reflected in another," I continued, "He needs to check his ego at the door and start doing what's good for the Marvel Universe as a whole!" Of course, without a physical outlet for this impotent adolescent rage, I took to the internet newsgroups and boiled down my grievance into two words: PAD sux.

Oh, how I was wrong.

After putting the habit down for a few years and returning, I discovered how much fun PAD's work can be. Sure, sometimes it can get a little overly cutesy and punny - like in the mostly fantastic Captain Marvel series from 2001 - but for the most part his stuff is insightful, funny, and overall just swell. I may not actively read any of his books anymore - even though his X-Factor is pretty damn amazing, not to mention the phenomenal stuff he's been doing with the Multiple Man - I've realized, in my maturing years, how refreshing his work can be.

And I wanted you all to know that.

It was a mistake that's been haunting me for years and I needed to set the record straight. To that point, I would like to formally revoke my first internet post and declare that PAD does indeed not 'sux'.

Phew. I feel better already.

Speedball and Namorita Were A Thing

That's right, I'm calling it. Speedball and Namorita were totally banging at some point behind the scenes.

After thisstrange, and super creepy, innuendo and this inappropriate banter, I thought there was something, but I still wasn't convinced. Then, having just recently read the Reality Show adventures of the New Warriors (Volume three for those keeping track) I found this:



It's too bad Speedball is responsible for her death, otherwise we might have some hope for a full on relationship in front of the audience for a chance. Oh well, I guess we'll just have to wait until her time-plucked clone gets back from space.

I wonder if Nova knew...

Weekend Matinee: THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE

It's Saturday afternoon and, if you're anything like me, you're still nursing that hangover from Saint Patty's Day and that Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family just ain't cutting it. Well, you're in luck because I got just the thing: the 1990 Andrew Dice Clay classic THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE!



Remember last week how I was all bummed that Drop Zone wasn't as insane as Deadfall? It seems that the movie gods were listening when they bestowed me with this Renny Harlin neo-noir opus. With a shaky lead, tons of voice over, and an overall goofiness, Ford Fairlane was the perfect movie to get me out of my Nic Cage funk.

Andrew Dice Clay plays the title character, a Rock and Roll detective, searching for some random girl who had a sexual tryst with Priscilla Presley and Gilbert Gottfried. Yeah, it's kind of... unexpected. Then some bullshit happens involving Wayne Newton (as an evil record exec), Freddy Krueger (as an evil henchman), and that kid from Blind Fury (as a tiny Andrew Dice Clay). Plus, it features of a scene of The Diceman watching TV with a koala.




What it has in pure convoluted storytelling, Ford Fairlane makes up for in pure insanity. It's the perfect followup to Deadfall if you're looking for an appropriate way to come down off that high.

In case that picture didn't totally sell you on it, this week's clip should leave no question in your mind about the merits of this movie. Without further ado, here's my favorite Ed O'Neil scene, featuring his never released hit song: Booty Time. Enjoy!

Gunfire: The Marvel Character That Should Have Been

Recently a friend of mine inherited a sizable chuck (like 15 short boxes) of early to mid 90s DC comics and asked if I wanted to take some of the books off his hands. Never one to say no to free comics, even those from a publisher I rarely read from an era better left forgotten, I leapt at the chance. While I tried to pick out some of the more interesting titles (Millar/Hester on Swamp Thing, Waid's Flash run, Ennis/McCrea Demon, etc), i just couldn't resist all those deliciously awful 90s series like Guy Gardner Warrior, Extreme Justice, and, the most 90s book of them all, Gunfire.



Created by Len Wein and Steve Erwin, Gunfire is a six year-old's imagination (or maybe just my six year-old imagination) come true: He can turn anything into a gun. Wrenches, sticks, lead pipes, tire irons, construction girders, it doesn't matter; as long as he can point it at something, he can make it shoot.



Pretty awesome, right? Well, awesome for the 90s at least.

Anyway, secretly Gunfire is Alex van Horn, the newly anointed CEO of the technology firm Van Horn Industries after his shady father died from a space alligator bite. Don't ask, it's DC in the 90s. With all kinds of cash at hand, Alex decides to use his powers to put Van Horn Industries on the up and up by destroying all of the misappropriated Van Horn tech. This quest puts him up against a litany of technological freaks, from guys in armor that can shoot stuff and guys in armor that can deflect stuff, to a man with transparent skin and even his own not-so dead father.

It's, um... an interesting book, if not a little repetitive and derivative. For those really interesed, I live blogged this earlier in the week. Go relive the madness, if you dare.

Throughout my experience with the book, I couldn't quite shake an uneasiness with the book; like, it just felt wrong. At first, I thought it was because I wasn't used to DC books, and that off-ness was just me being out of my comfort zone. Not a bad theory and it helped ease those thoughts for a while. That is, until I saw this:



And it hit me, Gunfire is totally a Marvel character. Admit it, if you saw him hanging out with Nomad and Deathlok, you'd totally think they were a new (and totally badass) super team. Probably something with 'Extreme', 'Revenge', or ' Deadly' in the title. Or, more likely, all three like: The Extremely Deadly Revengers! But I digress.

Unlike most DC characters, Gunfire's base of operations was in New York and not some fictional coastal city. More, aside from a brief appearance from The Mirror Master and the fact that he first appeared in an issue of Deathstrike, Gunfire has no ties to the DCU at large. No wonder I kept expecting a mention of the Daily Bugle.

On a more meta level, Gunfire doesn't fit the traditional mold for a DC hero. Normally the DC heroes are gods striving to live among men or, more so at the time, the latest in a legacy of heroes. Gunfire however is just a kid thrown in over his head trying to clean up the Van Horn name.

Last but not least, his villainous and not-so-dead father looks just like Stryfe. Because I think we can all agree that Marvel (and to an extent Image) had the market cornered when it came to behind-the-scenes armored supervillains.



In the end, I can't decide if Gunfire got let off easy by being in the DCU. At Marvel, he probably would have gotten a bit of a push in '94 before fading into obscurity only to be used as a punchline to a Bendis joke fifteen years later. At DC, even though he more quickly drifted into obscurity, he never became a joke. Instead, Sterling Gates cut off his hands during New Years Evil and Garth Ennis made fun of his powers in Hitman # 1,000,000.

Oh well, better luck next time Gunfire. Until then, you'll always be my favorite Marvel Hero that never was.

NFL SuperPro Week Day Five - Wit And Wisdom

Welcome to the final day of NFL SuperPro week here at Platypus Robot. Over the past week we've talked about the early days, the best days, the villains, and the spinoff that only I'm clamoring for. The only thing we haven't seen is SuperPro in action. So with out further ado, I give you the wit and wisdom of the man of honor.



As a special bonus, these nuggets of wisdom can also double as witty repartee for your Super Bowl party this weekend. Give it a try!


Translation: If you lose early, you lose often. Try to stem the tide before it happens.


Translation: Never bet against the house, or a garishly dressed man might jump out and beat on you.


Translation: Criminals, you so dumb.


Translation: Autographs are a pain for everyone.


Translation: Breaking and Entering is fun AND easy. Give it a try, kids!


Translation: I... ugh. Pass.


Translation: I will fight you.


Translation: Get out of my house!


Translation: When the going gets tough, leave the scene. You can't do any good there anymore anyway.

And so, it's with a heavy heart, and a dwindling amount of source material, that I bring NFL SuperPro to a close. I hope you had as much fun as I did celebrating this former corporate shill, and I hope it gives you something to discuss between the quarters this Sunday.

SuperPro Of The Day by Jared von Hindman

T is for the Truth, because that's what just tackled NFL SuperPro.

Check out the rest of Jared von Hindman's Marvel Alphabet of Shame for more hilarious and depressing depictions of Marvel 'heroes'

NFL SuperPro Week Day Four - The Spinoff That Should Have Been

What do a mortician, an actuary, a gs-8 clerk, and a CPA have in common? Together they form the greatest nerd super team ever, The Happy Campers. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Welcome to Day Four of Platypus Robot's exhaustive NFL SuperPro week where today we eschew the man of honor and take a look at the SuperPro Spinoff that never was.



With no proof to back it up, I'm claiming today that SuperPro #10 was in fact a 'stealth one-shot' by Buzz Dixon and Jose Delbo for the purpose of launching a Happy Camper's series. So, instead of talking about this book as SuperPro #10, I'll refer to it as it's true name, Happy Campers Super Special #1.



Happy Campers Super Special # 1 begins with Phil and Ken getting an assignment to file an expose' on a self-esteem camp. Because if there's anything that needs to be exposed, it's guys with low self-esteem. Those jerks are just asking for it.

Reluctantly, Phil and Ken agree to go undercover and expose the secret shame of Camp Runamuk. A secret shame that I'm sure involves the mysterious old man stroking a purple stuffed cat.



As it turns out, the mysterious crazy man is actually a scientist who has been working on a machine that could give anyone superpowers. If only he had someone to test it on.

Oh, hey look, here comes the true stars of the book...



Finally, now the book can really begin.

First things first, it's time to change into togas. Because, you know, it's not a self esteem camp if you're not wearing something embarrassing. That night, during the (what I assume is) nightly campfire session, the boys are led one-by-one into the forest for 'special initiation'.

And no, not that kind. Get your mind out of the gutter!



In reality, these men are being led to the laboratory of the crazy scientist and his immobile feline companion, where they've been shot with enough radiation to make The Hulk wince. Alas, they don't get the results they're looking for until they try it on SuperPro, who already has powers.

A short revelation later, Phil changes into his special pajamas (not those...) and begins a one-man assault on the camp. Meanwhile, The Happy Campers are taken hostage by the scientist because... well, the cat probably told him it was a good idea.

And then...



In the ensuing battle, The Happy Campers start to feel a little funny. Almost like how you feel when you're 13, but more... super heroic. And amazing things start to happen.

First, Kwong Dae, starts to spout incomprehensible math gibberish and really terrible puns...



Tubby Walsh gets a rumbly in his tumbly...



J. Pennington Pennypacker discovers he can make all his problems go away, just by throwing money at them...



And finally, Frank Moody, everyone's favorite mortician, discovers he can run REALLY fast.



Because he's a jogger, of course. What did you expect? That he could raise the dead? Or have access to other worldly occult power? Now who's being ridiculous?

Anyway, with the power of the Happy Campers at his side, SuperPro is able to turn the tide and win the day. Phil, Im sure, went on to file a half-assed and down right terrible expose' for his sports news channel after the dust was cleared, but what happened to The Happy Campers?

Details are scarce on these guys, but that won't stop my rampant speculation. After returning home, the guys tried to make a go of the whole, Super Team thing. At first, they made the time and busted an odd mugging here and there. But as time went on, their priorities started to shift.

Pennington was the first to stop going out, as his newfound power led to another new power for him: The power to get laid. The allure of sweet lovin' proved to be too much for him, taking him away from the group he founded. And then when Tubby died - a result of his love of hostess minicakes and refusal to exercise ever - the group splintered and hasn't seen much of each other since.

They're all retired now, living their lonely suburban lives and just waiting for the cold embrace of death. Everyone, that is, except for Frank. Frank keeps hoping that if he runs fast enough the world will finally let him go and let him fly like he always dreamed.

Keep chasing that dream, Frank Moody.



Come back tomorrow for the supercharged finale of NFL SuperPro week!