I'm Officially Jealous of Franklin Richards

Now if I could just figure out where to get my own...

From the pretty stellar FF #1 by Matt Fraction and Mike Allred.

The Bill March 23, 2011

Well all right.

I have a feeling I might have a few new readers after the amazingly awesome link-love from Mr. Wil Wheaton, and I hope you're ready for the most misnamed comic reviews on the web. I bought a whole slew of books this week, but I'm still only going to review two tonight. Care to join me?

Come on, I promise it'll be a fun time.




The Mandatory Review:

FF #1
Writer: Jonathan Hickman
Artist: Steve Epting


This issue made me realize something: I don't like Jonathan Hickman. I mean, I like his ideas fine, and the pacing for this issue was great, but his stuff tends to lack... something that just really takes me out of the whole thing. And that's just the problem, I can't quite put my finger on it.

I'm honestly kind of irked at the shaky continuity going on between these pages. What can I say, it was VERY jarring to read that Reed and Nathaniel hadn't seen each other in decades when I know Nate hung around the family a ton in the early to mid 90s (not that anyone should go look at those issues because they're awful!). And don't even get me started on the weirdness going on with the crazy-ass, strangely-religious Wizard. But I'm not normally a big continuity nut, especially with a book like Fantastic Four, that it shouldn't matter that much.

Aside from that, the pacing's great - It would have taken Bendis five issues to tell the same story - the art is phenomenal, the ideas are fantastic (PUNS!), and it has the hint of all the emotionality I look for, but I just couldn't get interested.

On the one hand, I kinda want to give it another chance, but on the other I remember that's what got me in trouble with Secret Warriors. And we all know how that's going (hint: not well).




When Did This Happen:

Hulk # 31
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Gabriel Hardman


I don't know how it happened, but all of a sudden I have three consecutive issues of Hulk in my possession and worse... I really like them. What is going on?

I mean, I've always been more than intrigued by this brimson brute - and thoroughly enjoy the first six issues of the series as the pure insanity it's meant to be - but I never expected to be buying this series on a regular basis. After that great Impossible Man issue - Damn you CRAKKAJAMMA! for pointing it out! - the overly fabulous point one issue, and now this one, dare I say: I'm a full on fan.

Jeff Parker's turned this red hued behemoth from a goofy joke to a legitimately tragic, complex character. Together with Gabriel Hardman's appropriately gritty art, this book is a hit waiting to happen.

Unless it's already a hit.... but I kinda doubt it. Regardless, take my word for it: Give this book a try. It does what FF #1 wants to do, but failed: It's fun, it's emotional, and it's brimming with ideas. Time to make room on the bandwagon, because I'm jumping on.




And that's all I got for you this week, but I'm sure if you ask really nicely I can tell you what I thought of Power Man and Iron Fist. Maybe even the other book I have an indescribable affinity for, Uncanny X-Force. Or just stop by and say hi, you know, that's always nice too.

See you next time!

Ant Man's 90's Makeover in 3 Panels

Scott Lang's ill advised and VERY short lived costume revamp courtesy of Roy Thomas and Herb Trimpe (Wait. WHAT?!?) in Fantastic Four Unlimited #8.

Making The Most of Your Minimates

I love minimates. Can't get enough of 'em.

Since 2003, Art Asylum has been pumping out these two inch hunks of plastic and don't seem to be slowing down anytime soon. I've been there since the beginning, so you can imagine that I have a fairly sizable collection.



All I can say is: Thank God their only two inches tall. Can you imagine if I had 200 plus six inch figures? There wouldn't be room for empty space anywhere in the apartment. It'd look like a toy store threw up and/or a five year old's dream come true. I speak from experience, you should see my old place.

I'm getting off track.

My point is, when you've been collecting these for as long as I have, you're bound to have multiple versions of the same character. Sometimes, it's exactly what you want (as in"Finally, the good version I was waiting for") but most of the time it's just different variations on something you already have and like.

Such is the nature of the two or four packs the figures come in that you're more than likely going to have an overabundance of the latter. But here's where the awesomeness of minimates come in. With their modular bodies ti becomes very easy to alter a boring variation into a new figure that's both wanted and likely never to be made. Just check out what I've made:

90s Namor

Parts Used:
1- Invaders Namor
1- Atlantean Soldier Hair
2- Atlantean Soldier Wrist Guard OR Nova Wrist Guard

Say hello to the Savage King of the Seas. After a simple hair and accessory swap, the ordinarily classic Namor goes from 1930s to the 1990s, when, for whatever reason, he grew his hair out and became more violent. Because, you know, the 90s.

As an aside, I'm sure the 90s was a very awkward period for the Illuminati. Between the savage king of the seas, Teen Tony, the full face masked Dr. Strange, Evil Xavier, Teen Black Bolt, and hostage survivor Reed, it was a bad time all around. I'm sure every meeting ended with someone in tears, and it was probably either Teen Tony or Reed.

90s Kristoff Doom

Parts Used:
1- First Appearance Doom
2- Secret Wars Doom feet
2- Secret wars doom arms
1- Silver Iron Man hand

Otherwise known as, that kid who thought he was Dr. Doom, but totally wasn't. Introduced during John Byrne's run as the heir to Doom's throne, and seemingly dealt with at the end of Walt Simonson's run, Kristoff Vernard probably seemed like a good idea at the time. Up until he was co-opted by Tom Defalco, and made an unofficial member of the Fantastic Four (which at the time boasted something like 17 members... Lord I hate that run) and had him fall in love with Cassie Lang for a spell. He disappeared during the Onslaught fiasco and hasn't been seen since.

But hey, that history shouldn't stop you from trying to complete your own 90s version of the Four. This guy goes perfectly with the scarred, bucket-head Thing that came out a few years ago and, God willing, with the Peak-a-boo Sue that I'm sure they'll release at some point.

The recipe here is a bit more complicated, but not by much. Basically just use your new First Appearance Doom as a base, remove the hood, switch out the feet, arms, and hands, and boom. Brand new mate. For a fun added bonus, add an energy effect to one of his hands to make him look just that much more menacing... until you realize that under that armor, he's just a horny 12 year old.

Doppleganger

Parts Used:
1- Six Armed Spider-Man
1- Head of Spider Carnage
4- Arms of other Spider-Men

The good, and bad, thing about the minimate line is that there's always plenty of Spider-Men. Be it new costumes or retreads of the classic, they've probably made exactly what you want, except for maybe this guy.

The Doppleganger was somehow one of the only monstrous double characters that survived the Infinity War crossover (the other being the Daredevil double, because why not), who also had life as a villain for a while. Well, villain is too big of a word for this guy, more like bad guy pet. He was like to Carnage and Shriek what Panthor was to Skeletor or Salacious Crumb was to Jabba; Evil by the nature of who he hung around with.

Anyway, with a quick head and arm swap, suddenly that boring old six-Armed Spidey looks positively threatening. Best of all? If you swap the bare arms with the Smiling Spidey of wave 4, he kinda looks like Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.



Well I think so at least. Maybe if I gave him some fake tattoos...

Monstro

Parts Used:
1- MAX Fireman
1- Wonder Man head
1- X-Force Cable hair piece

Going from obscure 90s to obscure 00s, here's Robert Kirkman's reinvention of Monstro.

Yeah yeah, I know: "Wha..? Who?" Back a few years ago, Marvel had relaunched Amazing Fantasy as a character try out book. And when issue 15 was due to come out, they decided to cram it full of as many new characters as they could, some much better (like Amadeus Cho, Black Jack, and Monstro, of course) than others (everything else).

Later, Monstro popped up again as a member of Damage Control in the short lived (and written by Kirkman) Irresponsible Ant Man series. Since then he's cameoed here and there, but he's pretty obscure, don't feel too bad if you don't know about him.

I, on the other hand, had this custom in my head as soon as I saw they were coming out with firemen. I'm crazy like that. I simply swapped the heads, added some right enough hair, and was on my way.

I'm way more proud of this than I ought to be, I think.

8-Ball

Parts Used:
Scrounged Black body parts
Scrounged white feet and hands
Sculpy
1 MAX Fireman's hook

Yeah, that's right. I made an 8-Ball because he's the BEST CHARACTER EVER! Also, it was really easy to make. If you don't know who this guy is, you should be ashamed, because I wrote a big article on him a few weeks ago. Read it here, it's fun, I promise.

After falling in love, I just had to immortalize him in plastic and it was remarkably easy. I just rolled a ball of sculpy about the size of a minimate head, squished it on the body to get the hole right, and baked it. After baking, I printed out a bunch of 8's, found the font and size that fit, and modge podged it on.

I don't have to tell you, the result is TOTALLY RAD! Look at it again!



There you go, something to start you on your way to making your old minimates work for you. I'll let you know if I get any more bright ideas, but in the meantime if you got any awesome ones and wanna share it, I'm all about it.

Lord knows I'm always looking for some way to repurpose my old figures.

Ben Grimm isn't sold on this hero thing...

...and he does make a mean pizza pie.


From my favorite Fantastic Four run ever (/sarcasm) by Terrible Tom DeFalco and Palatable Paul Ryan. Maybe they're the ones that should have opened a pizza place...

The Fantastic Three

Apparently Marvel's first family is having something of an anti-membership drive.

According to an interview with Jonathan Hickman earlier in the week, it's his big storyline he's been working towards since he took over the book last year. It's gonna be huge! Drastic! And totally unlike anything the Fantastic Four have ever dealt with!

Assuming you discount the Tom DeFalco run of the mid 90s.



It's okay, everyone wants to forget that run too.

Part of me feels bad for DeFalco. Here's a guy that idolized Stan Lee and Marvel growing up, who fell in love with the witty, innovative stories of the early 60s so hard that the only thing he wanted to do when he got older was write his own. He's like a proto-Robert Kirkman, but without the manifestos.



I can only imagine how exciting it was for DeFalco to start writing the book that started it all. He was going to bring it back to it's roots; make it a book about mystery, intrigue, and exploration. A book that hits the ground running and never stops to take a breath, just like Stan's old stories.

Herein lies the problem.

You see, while Stan wrote his stories at a breakneck pace, he also gave them plenty of time to be people; the kind that his readers, like DeFalco, could identify with. The stories about Attilan, Atlantis, or Annihilus, were just the frosting on a delicious cake of characterization. Defalco didn't quite get that, and instead gave us a big ol'plate of frosting without all that characterization to gum up the works.

To make matters worse, he took over during the gimmick-iest part of the 90s. In short order he made Johnny an arsonist, Sue an exhibitionist, Ben even more hideously disfigured, and Reed a fashion victim (Science vest, to the rescue!).



DeFalco then spiced things up more by: making Johnny's wife Alicia Masters secretly a Skrull; having the ill-fated Dr. Doom heir, Kristoff, on the team's support staff; and introducing the see-X-Men-we-can-do-confusing-too older version of Franklin Richards. It was a rough time to be a fan of The Four.

But the biggest, most daring, drastic thing Defalco did during his six year tenure on the title was kill Reed Richards.



And then kept him dead for the next three years.

It was the ballsiest, most original thing that DeFalco did on the title, even if he didn't take the time to let the characters mourn. It's too bad to, because this could have been one of those classic moments in Fantastic Four history and the set up for a groundbreaking, innovate run that would have made Stan jealous. Instead, Defalco blew right through it, lessening it's impact in both the reader's minds and the history books.

Well except for crazy fans like myself.



So, am I upset that Hickman is doing a similar story? Not at all, I think Hickman will do a bang up job, just like he's been doing for the past year (or so I hear). I think it's a much better creative environment to pull something like this off, and will reverberate through the current Marvel U the way that Reed's death should have in the 90s.

I'm just hoping this time around, the surviving members don't have to be such fashion faux pas.

Fantastic Founding Fathers

And we're back.

I know, I know, it's like I turned 28 and decided I was too good for this place. Totally not the case, you know, life just got in the way.

Anyway, in my absence I found one of the most amazing mashups I've ever seen that I'd like to share with you. I don't know who it's by (Although it looks like Art Adams) or where it originated from, but check this out:


Totally rad right?

Personally, if I were to make it a true Founding Fathers team, I would have made John Adams the HUman Torch, John Monroe as the Invisible Woman, and Ben Franklin as The Thing.

But really, an Abe Lincoln Thing and a Teddy Roosevelt Torch are pretty badass, and I wouldn't want to give them up for anything.

The Fantastic Four...

will force you to take their drugs.

Happy Doom is Happy

Even Doom can't deny the adorableness of puppies. Awww....

Puppies provided by the Super Villain Rehab Project by Pandaface.

Sad Doom is Sad

It's alright little guy, I'm sure you'll get'em next time.

Doom has his lowest moment during the dramatic conclusion to the Secret Wars Trilogy courtesy of Steve Englehart and Keith Pollard in Fantastic Four # 319.

Ben Grimm

Attention whore.

Steve Englehart and Kevin Pollard expose the truth in Fantastic Four #328