The Threshold

Real Talk:  Infinity is not very good.

It's cold, impersonal, and ultimately pretty boring.  Sure, it has some real epic set pieces, but that junk don't make an impact if I don't care about who or what it's impacting.  And don't even get me started on how the whole Thanos thing feels shoehorned into this over-arcing plot about The Builders and the Ex Nilhos;  it's tenuous at best, but mostly it's just terrible.

But, even though I complain and complain, I'm still going to buy the final issue next week.  Why?  Because I have the other five.  And therein lies the rub.

It was about a decade ago now when I made the conscious effort to stop buying books on inertia.  If I  wasn't enjoying the direction of the book, the creative team, or was just generally not excited about reading it anymore then I wasn't going to read it anymore.  It's a solid policy that's harder than you'd think to enforce, but aside from the odd Secret Warriors run, I've been pretty good at staying true.  

Except,  I just can never figure out the right time to stop buying a miniseries.

Take, for example, Infinity:  It's first couple of issues were good enough to warrant the buy, but after issue 4 I found myself increasingly disengaged with the story on a whole.  Culminating on the point I find myself at today:  I have five issues of a six issue miniseries, so I feel I need to see how it concludes, but I'm not really excited by it.  

I passed the point of no return and now am bound by my stupid feelings of completion to finish off the series.  It sucks.

So the question is:  Where is that Threshold?  What's the optimal number of issues to buy of a miniseries before making a true decision whether to continue or not.

Clearly, buying the first issue is a given.  It gives you a good sense of the tone, style, and hopefully has some gripping plot point that keeps you going.  A great first issue goes a long way to getting me to buy at least the next two to three issues and or looking out for the eventual trade.  A good one has me looking out for the next issue, and of course a bad one has me never going back to that well.  Seems simple enough, right?

Second issues is where things start getting dicey.  If it's no good, or just generally doesn't expand on the promise of the first, I'm out.  If it's good enough, I'll give it another go around before I opt for something more re-reading convenient.  And therein lies the dicey.  

Third issues are trouble because typically (at least with the newer 6-issue series) this is where something big happens that makes you (or me at least) feel the need to buy the next issue.  Then suddenly your four issues into a series you weren't sure about that's going to end in another issue and you might as well keep the train moving.

In other words, we end up where I am with Infinity.  Bleh.

I find myself at a loss.  I don't know how to solve this little conundrum.  So, how do you get around this?  How do you decide when to stop buying a middling miniseries?  Or better, when do you decide to stop buying single issues and just switch to trades?  

I'm curious if any of you have any tips for me and my issues with issues.

Also, does anyone really like Infinity?  

An Ode to Atomic Comics

Atomic Comics was my first comic book store.

As I alluded to a few weeks ago, I didn't start collecting comics until I moved to Arizona in the early 90s. What I didn't mention was that Atomic Comics was my mecca when I was just starting out. I don't exactly remember when I first went there, but I'll never forget what it was like.

While I never had the pleasure in calling Atomic Comics 'my' store, it has been the Plutonic form of Comic Book Store since I first walked through it's doors. Every new store I go to, I compare to Atomic and am always left a bit disappointed. Not to totally disregard the great stores that I do go to - like House of Secrets, Comics Factory, Hi-De-Ho, or Meltdown (That is to imply that I'm something of a comics mercenary and I go to whatever great store I'm near) - but they all have they're little quirks that make them not as awesome as Atomic was all those years ago.

You see, in those days, my family and I would make routine trips from our dreary desert town to the big city of Phoenix (and it's suburbs) every weekend. We'd do everything from see movies to bulk shopping at Costco and on lucky occassions, I got to go to Toys R Us. It was during one of these routine trips that I got my hands on a copy of the Mesa Yellow Pages (this is pre-internet days, remember) and discovered a comic store near some of our haunts. "Can we go to this place," I pleaded, clutching the yellow pages, "Atomic Comics?"

Set deep in an unassuming shopping center, Atomic Comics was like something out of my eleven year-old imagination. This location (their first of many) was decently sized and filled to the brim with the books I craved. The aisles were wide and inviting, the walls littered with promotional posters and 'top shelf' expensive books that I could only dream of owning, and then there were the rows and rows of comics. Lining the entire store, it seemed, was a huge selection of what seemed like every book printed in the past three months. It was exactly what a comic book store should have been.

A year later, they moved to a bigger space and ideal version of the store became locked in my brain. One wall dedicated to the week's new books, another longer stretch to the recently released, stacks of back issue boxes, a few shelves of trades, and a big, friendly cashier behind the counter. It was a celebration of comic books and the culture, refusing to shy away from that which made them great. For years I went to that store, and I never walked away from it without a smile on my face and a few dollars missing from my wallet.

As the years progressed and I drifted from home (and comics for a while), I didn't visit the store as much as I used to. I know they moved a few times, once to a huge space that seemed almost too good to be true and then again to a slightly smaller one more fitting of it's niche. I know they doubled their store count, opening stores much closer to my dreary desert-y home, that were fancy and nice, but still not quite as cool as the original. I remember cheering when I saw them pop up in Kick Ass, noting to who was next to me that I'd been to that store (kind of). Even though I hadn't been close to an Atomic Comics in a while, I still felt a sense of pride for them when I saw their triumphs. "Good on them," I thought, "I'm glad they're still around to usher in the kids to my favorite hobby."

Then, yesterday, I read that Atomic Comics is going out of business effective immediately and my heart sank a little.

The closing of this wonderful place is an end of a very good era. For the first time in all my years of collecting, I worry about the future of the printed comic book. On one hand, I know deep down it's just the loss of a small market comic book chain. But on the other, I feel like it's the loss of an iconic, perfect comic store and if something like that can't survive than what hope does the rest of the industry have?

Maybe I worry to much. I tend to do that. I'm sure everything will end up fine, and in the end, it'll just be another casualty on this road of economic hardships. I'm sure I'll find a store out there like Atomic Comics eventually, and everything will be fine. I just hope those eleven year-olds who are thinking about collecting find it first and it affects them like Atomic did me.

Farewell Atomic Comics, you'll be missed. I'll hope every day your comics-style resurrection.

RIP Dwayne McDuffie

Apparently, Dwayne McDuffie died today, and I'm just a little sad about the whole thing. I'm a pretty big fan of his, even if I didn't shout it from the rooftops too often.



I mean, I wasn't collecting comics in his Marvel heyday in the 80s, and wasn't really interested in his Milestone stuff when I started collecting in the 90s (Marvel Zombie, what can I say?), but as I discovered his stuff it blew me away.

I think the first time he blipped on my radar was when I found an old copy of Damage Control. The series is fantastic. It follows the insurance company that's responsible for rebuilding those things that are damaged via superhero brawls in a timely and costly manner. It's basically a walking No-Prize, and I loved every last second of it. The big goofy fun, the way it twisted around what was going on in the Marvel U at the time, the smart laugh-out-loud dialogue; it goes down in the annuls as one of the best series Marvel did in the 80s.

As the years went by, I became more aware of his name and knew that whenever it appeared, good things were sure to follow. Because of him, I gave the animated Justice League a chance and - after the first two terrible seasons - I was rewarded with one of the greatest superhero animated shows on television.

And while I was upset that he killed one of my favorite characters, Gravity, in the Beyond! miniseries, I was pleased as punch when he returned him to life while positioning him for bigger and better things (that never came to pass).

Dwayne McDuffie was pure talent, and if you've never read any of his old stuff you should make a point to do so. I can't really vouch for any of his later, editorial-slaughtered, DC stuff, but his Marvel stuff from the 80s, early 90s, and 00s is pretty fantastic on every level. Assuming, of course, that you enjoy big fun comics where the good guys spout one liners, the bad guys scheme, and in the end good is triumphant.

You'll be missed, Dwayne, but I'm sure you'll be in good hands hanging out with Lincoln and the gang.

Meanwhile, I'm off to find a copy of the animated All-Star Superman, his latest big work. I'm sure it'll be gratuitously awesome, like everything McDuffie did.

The Bill January 12, 2010

I came to the realization this week that almost all of the books I buy are coming to an end. Widowmaker, Thor: The Mighty Avenger, I Am An Avenger, and Dead Avengers (When did I become such a huge Avenger fan, I wonder...) are all over and done with (well almost with Widowmaker), leaving me with a significant hole in my weekly comic buying habit. What am I supposed to do with all this extra cash? Save it? Be serious.

Whatevs, let's get this show on the road. Because it's not a true Wednesday until I tell you what I think about the books I bought.




Saying Goodbye to Old Friends:

Thor: The Mighty Avengers #8
Writer: Roger Langridge
Artist: Chris Samnee


Of all the books ending this week, I'll miss this one the most. Thor The Mighty Avenger was, as I've said before, was probably the best Thor book I've ever read. It was personal, unencumbered by all that crazy Asgard stuff, and just down right fun.

The new issue was no different, although it did ring a bit hollow at the end. As the end of a story arc, it would have been okay but as an end to a series it was... wanting. I get it, the creators didn't have much lead time to craft a fitting finale, but I wish there was a bit more of an effort. Still, minor complaints of a fantastic book.

You'll be missed Thor The Mighty Avenger, but I'll make sure I sing your praises to all that listen whenever the opportunity arises.



Meet The New Weirdo:

The Infinite Vacation #1
Writer: Nick Spencer
Artist: Christian Ward


In another attempt to widen my comic horizons beyond 90s Marvel, I decided to pick up The Infinite Vacation this week. But unlike my venture last week, I'm not sure how I feel about this one. That's not to say it's bad, it's just... confusing.

The conceit of the series is technology has granted us access to the infinite possibilities of the universe that are available to purchase at the touch of a button. So all those bad decisions you made (like Never taking the chance with that one girl, that one last drink that made you throw up, or simply ordering the chicken when you should have gotten a steak) are instantly and easily undone if you have the cash to buy the opposite decision via this application.

Still with me? I don't know if I'm still with me.

See that's the thing, it's interesting but VERY dense. It's such a broad idea that I found myself asking more questions than I was getting answers for. What happens to the lives that are sold? What happens to your own life when you graft this new thing on? Why do you have to wear a name tag? Who would want to sell the good parts of their life? Questions on top of questions.

That's the thing though: I can't stop thinking about it. To me, that's a sign of something good, even if I can't quite crack what's going on in it yet. I'll give the next issue a chance, and we'll see what happens.



There you have it. Now, if you'd excuse me, I have some Sleepwalker back issues that need reading.

Weekend Matinee: THANKSKILLING

You'd think that a Thanksgiving themed horror movie starring a foul-mouthed murderous turkey would be awesome. Just what the holiday needs, even.

You'd be wrong.

Everything about this movie seemed primed to be an instant cult classic: Cheesy effects, a fun story, just the right amount of nudity, and of course, lots of gore. Unfortunately the creators do everything they can to make the movie as un-fun and un-clever as possible. It's like they started with a nugget of a funny idea and just straight up refused to make it anything more than that.

The main offender in the movie is the killer turkey. It's an awesome idea that's just squandered with simple, unfunny quips and lackluster acting. Having the turkey pop up screaming, "Now you're gonna die, Motherfucker" just isn't as gripping as I want it to be. Maybe I'm a snob, but I like a bit of cleverness from my horror movie villains, even if it's just cheap and easy puns. I'd take Leprechaun Back 2 Da Hood over this hunk of turd any day.

So why am I taking the time to showcase it here? Because I want to warn all of you to steer clear. This movie is totally NOT worth your time and you'd be much better served watching the fake Thanksgiving grindhouse trailer from Eli Roth on repeat for 90 minutes than watching this movie suck your soul away.

That said, here's the trailer to Thankskilling to illustrate my point.



Now leave me alone, I have left overs to eat.

The Bill November 3, 2010

It's a sad week when one of my books gets cancelled. Let alone two. Sigh. Why must you take away the things I love so much, Marvel?

Well, least we can do is send them off right. Right? Let's do this.




Cancelled With a Chance:

Hawkeye and Mockingbird #6
Writer: Jim McCann
Artist: David Lopez


I'm beginning to think that Hawkeye just can't hold down a series. Poor guy just can't quite get over that hump to the big time. It's weird too, because he's totally awesome, or at least he should be.

Anyway, so this issue deals with the fallout of the previous five issues. Hawkeye is riddled with guilt about poking out Crossfire's eye, Mockingbird deals with her life decisions, and Dominic Fortune reveals his true origin (which is shockingly similar to The TaskMaster origin that was also revealed this week).

Lots of story happening in these pages (as usual), but alas it's for naught because this is the final issue of Hawk and Mock... for now.

It seems that the planned crossover with The Black Widow will now become it's own miniseries followed by something. They haven't quite announced what it is, but the promise is that the story here is far from finished.

And boy do I hope that they give Hawkeye another chance. McCann's really got a handle on the character and a fantastic old-school flair, it'd be a shame if this is the last we saw of his Hawkeye.

Mockingbird, on the other hand, I don't mind if she drifts back into limbo.




Cancelled Forever:

Young Allies #6
Writer: Sean Mckeever
Artist: David Baldeon


I knew this was going to happen. All of my favorites in one book? Im surprised it lasted this long.

It wasn't a perfect book, but it was getting there. It was an interesting mix of characters with some fantastic creators that just didn't get a chance to figure out what the book wanted to be.

In this issue, if it matters, we follow Angelica Jones, Firestar, as she deals with her return to superheroics. And it's a great issue, one of those that McKeever excels with, even though, in the end, it's not really a satisfying end to the series.

I think the problem with this book is that it was marketed as a team book, but rallied against the idea within its pages. It was interesting, just not what I expected. I wanted something that was more early "New Warriors" instead of "The Defenders". But that's just me.

From here it looks like the Young Allies will fall by the wayside along with The Slingers, Force Works, and all those other teams from the 90s you can't remember.

It's not all lost though. The Nomad backups will still run through Captain America, which is great. There's an upcoming crossover with the Avengers Academy and Spider-Girl, which will be a nice capper. And I'm going to guess that the new Onslaught one shot in 2011, also written by McKeever, will feature the Young Allies.

Just a hunch.

The most important question remains: What about Gravity? The poor kid is way too great to be tossed around the way he has in the Marvel U during his short heroic life. That kid needs a miniseries (at least!) written by McKeever, STAT. Make it happen, Marvel.



That's all I got for this sad edition. If you want to know about the other books I bought that aren't being cancelled this week, drop a comment and ask, or stop by my twitter feed. I think I'm going to start posting short reviews for the books that I don't give a full review to here.

Hooray for social media!

The Bill September 29, 2010

It's a sad day for this day marks the end of one of the greatest, most fun adventure The Punisher has ever embarked. That's right, today was the end of FrankenCastle and the world will never be the same...



Canceled Book of The Week

FrankenCastle #21
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Dan Brereton

For a series that was all kinds of giant fun, this finale was a bit of a letdown. But I don't think it was Remender's fault. In a nutshell, it felt rushed.

After coming off of the huge bloody fight with Daken last issue, Ol' Frankencastle holds up on Monster Island to recuperate. And exactly three pages into the story, we get our last glimpse of the greatest undead cyborg vigilante ever:



That's it, no more FrankenCastle. A page and "Weeks" later, Frank is healed and sporting a pretty sweet beard while he hunts monsters. While he looks good on the outside, apparently the bloodstone that healed him (that being the special stone that feeds off of revenge and vengeance) is making him kill crazy.



So Frank's support staff would do what any group of friends would do, and recruit Elsa Bloodstone to tear it out of him. A chase and philosophic conversations later, Frank looses the stone to become the man that he always was: The boring old plain jane, "I kill mobsters because they killed my family", Punisher.

Sigh.

I don't know what I really wanted from this story, but I was honestly expecting a little more FrankenCastle in it. But I get it, Remender did what he had to do because of publisher concerns, so his story was probably sped up a bit. Or more than a bit.

It makes me sad that this book never found the audience it deserved. I admit, I was on the fence about it when it started; the idea of a zombie Punisher seemed silly and not typical for the character, but that's exactly what made it great.

Why not try something new with The Punisher? Yeah this idea brings up bad memories of spirit guns, but it's infused with so much more fun that it instantly dashes those thoughts. Besides, it's not like you can't get original recipe elsewhere in the Marvel Publishing line.

Frankencastle was one of the most fun, violent, and creative books that starred Frank Castle. In my mind, there's only so many ways I can watch Frank kill a thug before it starts to get old. But watching him throw around ManThing while taking out dragons? That's something that I will never get tired of.



Farewell FrankenCastle, you were awesome while you lasted, but like all good things you had to come to an end. You will forever be my favorite take on the character and I will make sure that everyone knows it.

Until your inevitable revival, have fun beating the crap out of Angel Punisher in limbo.

The Bill July 14, 2010

It was another light week for me this week, but I'm not going to let that stop me posting my thoughts for your perusal! Aren't you lucky! Let's get to it!




Best of the Week:
Avengers Academy # 2
Writer: Christos Gage
Artist: MIke Mckone



I'll be real honest with you, I was prepared to not collect this series. I kinda got roped into Avengers Initiative early on, and kept going for whatever reason, but when it ended, I thought it was my way out. I was totally ready to wash my hands clean of the "training young (but not Young) Avengers" books and find something new. And then they dropped the twist. Now I'm hooked.

Straight up, this is the book I wanted Avengers Initiative to be. It's a bunch of new and inexperienced heroes learning how to be actual superheroes, not just rank-and-file soldiers. And the twist, the twist just makes it sing.

SPOILERS for those of you who don't quite know yet, but as it turns out, these kids are poised to become the greatest super villains in the Marvel U if not correctly remolded at this age. And the kids know it! There's so much underlining tension to the book as the secrets pile on each other until eventually noone's being real. I'm loving it!

This issue got us into the head of the teams local know-it-all/super-woman Finesse as she learns about the personal politics of her teachers and uses that to her advantage. She's conniving, smart, and down right dangerous; I'm really excited to see where they take her.

It's a great book that's quickly rising to the top of my 'to read' list every month. I suggest you all go out and buy it so it doesn't get cancelled and I don't get sad. You wouldn't like me when I'm sad.




Disappointment of the Week:
Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour
Writer/Artist: Bryan Lee O'Malley


What's this doing here you ask? Shouldn't you love Scott Pilgrim with all of your heart? Haven't you even said so in the past?

All those things are overly true, which is why I was wholly disappointed when I went to my LCS to grab a copy, but they weren't allowed to sell it. "We got'em in," the guy behind the counter told me, "but we can't sell'em until next Wednesday. It's stupid."

Oh, how stupid it was. I was so super-jazzed about being all Scott Pilgrim'd tonight, I didn't even stop to think it wouldn't happen. But alas, here I am drowning my sorrows in cold pizza and Sierra Nevada.

At least Sierra Nevada will never disappoint me.

Meanwhile the countdown to book six starts now. Only six more days... sigh.



Bada-bing, we're done. Comments, questions, concerns, or compliments always welcome, and if you ask real nice I might tell you what I thought of Girl Comics # 3. Even if you're not real nice I might tell you. See y'all next week!

Wonder Duds

Hey, did you hear that Wonder Woman is getting a new costume? Oh. Everyone's talking about it? Huh. I better join the convo then, otherwise they'll revoke my blogger card.

So hey, here are the new togs:



Is it bad that I don't think it's a bad costume?

I got in a conversation with The GirlFriend last night about this new change of wardrobe. From her non-comics reading perspective, it's offensive. It's ugly, generic, and just plain doesn't look like Wonder Woman.

I asked, is it really a problem if it doesn't look like Wonder Woman?


I, for one, think it's kinda nice that she's not fighting crime in a bathing suit anymore. I always thought it was strange that a character that's supposed to empower women was objectified as much as she was. The legs that just wouldn't stop, the boobs that could kill a man, the impossibly long and styled hair; she was a pin-up model at best. Sure this new costume is a bit generic, but at least it'll allow her to be more than just legs and boobies.


Full disclosure: I have issues with Wonder Woman; I don't understand why she's so popular. From what I see, the only reason she has the following she does is because of how long she's been around, not because of any compelling characteristics. Somewhere along the way she became a symbol of the strong, independent woman, but did nothing to really earn it.

When I think of all the big iconic heroes (Spider-Man, Superman, Batman, etc) I can sum up their origins in a sentence. To me, that's what makes them iconic; They're simple, yet effective, ideas that appeal to and inspire a wide range of readers. Wonder Woman is the opposite of this idea, yet is somehow still iconic. How is that possible? It reeks of token-ism.


Female heroes have it bad enough as it is, I really want their premiere example to have more to her than just a legacy. I want Wonder Woman to have a simple, iconic origin (seriously, is she a god? isn't she? Is she made of clay? ect.) that people can identify with more than just, "oh, she's a strong woman." Peter Parker is popular because he can be any of us, Bruce Wayne too (assuming you have the money). Hell, Superman is the ultimate immigrant story, who comes to America and excels against all odds. I want Wonder Woman to have that too.


Here's hoping that with the new costume and the re-fangled origin story that that happens. This new costume represents a chance for Wonder Woman to really earn that place in the DC Pantheon that she was handed.

But who am I kidding, with retro-fanatics like Didio and Johns at the helm of DC, I give this new direction maybe three years before she goes back to the same ol' Diana.

The End of FrankenCastle

Remember a while back when I asked why The Punisher didn't look all Franken-Castle-y in the promo images for Shadowland? Well, I got my answer in this months solicitation:


FRANKEN-CASTLE #21
Written by RICK REMENDER
Pencils & Cover by DAN BRERETON
The shocking conclusion of the FrankenCastle era! After his brutal struggle to kill Daken in Tokyo, the Punisher is in rough shape. In order to restore his health, hacker comrade Henry Russo sends Frank to the nearest remote place he can find -- Monster Island. However, as his body heals, Frank’s mind begins to fade into madness. Someone needs to take him down. Someone named Elsa Bloodstone.
40 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99



Dammit Marvel! Why do you have to take away the things I love?

I knew this was going to happen eventually, but did it have to happen so soon? The book's been so much fun, I don't want it to go back to the same ol' boring format of Frank as a vigilante. This was so much better; so much more imaginative; so much more fun. Look at this face and try to deny it:


You were taken from us too soon Franken-Castle, but you'll never be forgotten. Your battles against a Victorian Cyborg Monster Hunter and his Japanese Monster Killer Squad will go down in the annuals of comic history as some of the greatest times ol' Frank Castle ever had.

And ten years from now when they turn Frank into a werewolf, I'll be there to remind them of the good times; The Franken-times.

Sigh...

The Bill June 15, 2010

Ugh. Disappointing weeks are disappointing. I only bought two books this week and, spoilers, I'm having a hard time choosing which one is the worst. Let's see what happens with my reviews:



Least Disappointing of the Week:

Lockjaw and The Pet Avengers Unleashed # 4
Writer: Chris Eliopoulos
Artist: Ig Guara


Why Pet Avengers? I love you so much, why do you have to do this to me? I'm trying to sing your praises to anyone who will listen and this is how you repay me: with a sub-par finale to a sub-par mini series.

I really, REALLY want this to be good, but it just isn't; it's lacking the magic of that first book. The fun character interplay is gone, the gender-confused Ms. Lion gets way too much panel time, and Throg went from being the emotional center of the team to generic leader type (not to mention that they changed his name from the awesome THROG to the significantly less awesome Frog Thor). I don't know what to say.

The theme of the series was finding one's place in the world, which is great, but they don't set it up at all, aside from Throg. Throg, who's journey we should be focused on, is tossed to the side as we are introduced to the last-minute villain (a little girl) and a hastily tacked on love plot between a Yeti and a Unicorn. While each plotline is about finding oneself and their place in the world, we never feel that moment of realization from anyone because no one is given the time to make that decision on panel.

It was all just kinda... underwhelming.




Most Disappointing of the Week:

Age of Heroes # 2
Writer: Various
Artist: Various


Ugh. Where to start with this thing? So much potential; So much unfulfilled promise.

The book's divided into four stories, two long and two very very short. We get long ones on Gravity (one of my favs) and American Son (ugh), while two short ones on the Young Masters (From the latest Young Avengers mini) and Gauntlet (from Avengers: Initiative). Of the four of them, I was greatly interested in three of them. I'll let you guess which one I didn't care about.

So what sucked about it?

First off the Gravity story, which was supposed to fill in the gap between Avengers: Initiative and Young Allies, was a whole lot of nothing. Here's a guy that has been a victim of circumstance.

His first miniseries is VASTLY under-rated and totally awesome, setting him up to be the Spier-Man for the 2000s in the 616. His next big appearance in the Beyond miniseries, had him showcase what made him so awesome; also it killed him. He came back from the dead during Dwayne McDuffie's Fantastic Four run, and then promptly joined an Initiative team in Nevada when he returned to Earth. The last we saw him, he had been transfered back to his home state of Wisconsin to serve with the Great Lake Avengers, much to his chagrin.

Alright, so background aside, what I wanted from this story is HOW he re-integrated himself back into New York and his life there. People knew he died. People knew he came back. Somehow his identity and all that was erased magically.

What? When? How? Why?

Instead of these answers, we get a story of Gravity deciding he should still be Gravity after he accidentally gets two kids killed during a villain fight. It was just... so not what I wanted to read about.

The Gauntlet and Young Masters stories were even worse. Here are some characters that were introduced and are in great big danger of falling into to limbo. I wanted a great send off for them. Where are they? What're they doing? What's their status quo? Instead we see Gauntlet in Afghanistan congratulating the soliders there for being real heroes (nothing wrong with that sentiment, just not the right place for it), while the Young Masters sit around wondering if they're good or evil. I.. what?!?!

If you can't tell, it was all very frustrating.




And that's all I got this week. All I got that was new anyway. I picked up The List: Wolverine for a dollar and it was AMAZING. Thank god for Jason Aaron and his crazy ideas, otherwise I'd be really upset this week.

Give me a glimmer of hope, how was your week?

You're Monthly Dose of Throg

The new Pet Avengers Limited series officially kicked off this month, and with it my monthly chronicles of the sensational character find of 2009, The Mighty Throg (Or Frog Thor as he's known in some circles).

This being a first issue, I'm sure he's kicking ass and taking names. Let's see, where is he...



Oh, there he is!

I don't get it, why is he flying down like that?



Wha...??? No, this isn't how it's supposed to work! Throg kicks ass and takes names, he doesn't fail.

I... I just don't know what to say. If only someone could put my sorrow into words...



The transvesite dog took the words right out of my mouth. Throg'll be all right, right? He has to be.

Right? :(

The Blackest Night Bet

If you recall, months ago I made a bet with a friend of mine regarding the penultimate issue of Blackest Night. In a nutshell, I put a steak dinner on the idea that Blackest Night # 7 would end with Hal becoming a White Lantern.

Today the issue finally came out and, well, it looks like I was wrong. But just barely.

I don't want to totally ruin the surprise, but if you're curious here's aspoilerific image.

So, anyone know of a cheap steak place in LA?

How I would save Spider-Girl

A while back I wrote an article about how I really want to like Spider-Girl, but just couldn't connect to it. Well, after months of consideration, I came up with an idea to reinvigorate the series, something that I'm sure all the true fans will absolutely hate.



Let's get started from the bottom up, shall we?

The Creative Team

For a book that's trying to rope in that mythical young girl demographic, it does nothing to really appeal to those younger sensibilities. Right now Spider-Girl is the best example of an old school, done-in-one Marvel comic which is what the diehards like about it, unfortunately it mainly only appeals to those older fans.

What the book needs is a creative team that respects the Silver Age trappings of the book, but that can do so with more modern sensibilities. A Sean Mckeever, Phil Tobin, Dan Slott, Jeff Parker, or even a Kathryn Immonen (a woman on a female lead book, go figure) would have a blast on a book like this without violating the tone of it.

For the record, it's not that Tom Defalco's a terrible writer, it's just time for him to let the book go. It's amazing that he was able to create a character and shepard her adventures for 15 years, but eventually you just need an influx of new ideas lest the book become stagnant and unappealing to new readers.

On the art side, frankly, Sal Buscema needs to go. His rigid inking style pulls the wrong aspects out of Frenz's pencils, making the characters look much older then they're supposed to, making the book less appealing. Youth is all about smooth lines and fluid movement, something that Frenz can do fine, but needs a different inker to really accentuate it (See Spider-Girl 52).

The Status Quo



For the duration of it's run, Spider-Girl has been doing it's best impression of Spider-Man circa 1964 and it's time for a change. I understand the mentality of keeping May in high school in that on paper it seems like it's the way to appeal to kids, but it's never rung true for me. I feel like kids want to look up to someone and don't necessarily care if they're fictional heroes are the same age or not. In fact, I would argue that Spider-Man was the coolest, and really took off in popularity once he went to college. Think about it, the majority of his defining storylines happen when he's in college (The machinery lifting in ASM 42, Spider-Man No More ASM 50, The Death of Gwen Stacey ASM 121, etc.) But I digress, here are my three steps to save Spider-Girl.

Step one: Get her out of High School.
May Parker doesn't act, talk, or look like a high schooler so why pretend anymore? In a perfect world, not only would I have her graduate, I would flash forward a few years and pick up the story while she's mid-way through her college education, studying to be a social worker.

Tom Defalco once said the difference between Peter and May is that Peter acts because when he doesn't people die, while May acts because when she does, people live. It's a slight difference on the same theme, but reveals how deep May's sense of responsibility is.

Social work, in that the idea of helping people get through the rough times and supplying them with the resources that they need, seems like the perfect profession for May. It accentuates her penchant for giving super villains second chances (See Normie, Raptor, Electra, etc.) and her sense of responsibility.

Step two: Tragedy.
This is a tricky step, but probably the most necessary, as all great Marvel characters have a bit of tragedy in their back story.

It would be really easy to slaughter someone from the supporting cast and give May some grit and determination to be a hero, but it wouldn't be right for the character. Going back to the "her actions means people live" thing, she would need to experience someone dying in a way that she couldn't control, like from a disease. More specifically that person should be one of her parents.

Now I'm on the fence as to which, because both have merits. On the one hand, having Peter pass would give her the motivation to continue the legacy and help her get out from the shadow of her father. On the other, Mary Jane passing could force Peter to really grow up, and stop taking stupid risks by coming out of superhero retirement. Either way, it would make May do what she does to honor that passed parent, and add a depth to her sense of responsibility.

Step Three: A New Rogues Gallery.
I mentioned this too in my previous article, but seriously she needs to stop going up against cheap knockoffs of Spider-Man's villains and it needs to stop.



When you think of any classic superhero's rogue's gallery, you'll see a collection of mirror images of that hero. Batman's the best example, where each one of his villains are some distorted vision of the virtues that he holds dear. Spider-Man's the same way, his big lasting villains are people corrupted by science. Now look at Spider-Girl's rogues and what do you see? They're all her enemies because they were her father's enemies (for example, currently her book is filled with villains from the mid-80s Silvermane, Man Mountain Marko, Black Tarantula, etc.).

If Spider-Girl is ever going to become her own hero she needs to start developing some true rogues that reflect who she is as a person, not who her father was. How about a girl who didn't grow up with supportive parents and became a supervillain? what about a villain of pure id, that doesn't feel responsible for their own actions? Feminist upset at the name Spider-Girl? Something. Anything would be better than the rehashes that May currently suffers through.

The Final Word


If it sounds like I'm being overly harsh, it's only because I care. As a character, Spider-Girl has so much promise that I just feel isn't being reached and it hurts. The last thing I would want to see is after Defalco closes the book on May that it'd be the last time we'd see her.

If you really want to save Spider-Girl, it's going to take more than just letter-writing campaigns; the save the book, it needs change.

Professional Fan Fiction

The solicitations for September came out yesterday and I was a bit perturbed by this:


Written by Howard Mackie & TOM DEFALCO
Penciled by TODD NAUCK
Cover by PASQUAL FERRY
You've been asking for it...and now it's here: THE CLONE SAGA!!! Marvel's most controversial event of all time returns with a vengeance, presenting the Clone Saga as it was originally intended to be told! From the minds behind the crossover that changed comics forever and the artist that introduced Spider-Man to President Obama, it's six issues of twists and turns that will shock fans old and new alike! Be here as Peter Parker's worst nightmare begins again...now with an ending you have to see to believe!



Not to mention this a few months ago:


Written by CHRIS CLAREMONT
Pencils & Covers by TOM GRUMMETT
BE HERE FOR THE BEGINNING! Comics icon and New York Times bestselling writer Chris Claremont returns to his legendary run with X-MEN: FOREVER! The shockwaves after the death of Magneto are still reverberating all over the world. Attempting to heal the rift between man and mutant kind, Professor Xavier volunteers his X-Men to go on a mission to capture Magneto's sole remaining Acolyte, Fabien Cortez! But with Nick Fury--and the entire world--watching over their shoulders, the stakes have never been higher for Cyclops, Jean Grey, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Gambit, Rogue, Kitty Pryde, Storm, Beast, and Professor X. With Tom Grummet bringing Claremont's vision to the page, this landmark series is packed with enough surprises and twists to shake the X-Men mythos to its very core!


What's next? Mark Waid doing Captain America as if Heroes Reborn never happened? The Fantastic Four the way it should be, with a crazy Reed, a sluty Sue, a scarred Ben, a skrull, an ex-con, and a Mini Dr Doom by Tom Defalco? Maybe bring back Roger Stern so he can needlessly re-explain the Hobgoblin. Oh wait, that already happened...

I totally get the desire to want to know what the original plans for these runs were (Personally I would love to read what Joe Kelly would have done with the X-Men had Magneto really tilted the world's axis back in 1998 and plunged everything into a new ice age) but I don't see the point of actually producing those works. It's fan wankery like this that is the cornerstone of fan fiction.

Fan Fiction is kind of a sore spot with me, I just don't see the point of it. My girlfriend has tried to justify fan fiction, and show me that it's not as bad as I think, but I still don't buy it. For every well written piece of fan fiction out there there are hundreds, if not thousands, of terrible terrible 'this is how it should have been done'/'this is how I'd fix everything' types of stories. And that's just how these books feel to me.

If you want to talk about what you wanted to do, do it in a book. If you want to execute some of those ideas, rework them into another book. Going back and producing new material for a by gone era just reeks of 'this is how it should have been done' should be left to the amateurs.

Besides, I wouldn't want new readers to have a well-thought out, cliff notes version of the clone saga. If they want to read about it, then god dammit, they'll have to read the whole confusing two-and-a-half years of it.

The Touch, redux

Have you seen this:



Ugh. Just... Ugh.

I don't know whether to pity or to be pissed at Stan Bush.

I mean, on the one hand he did write some of the greatest songs for one of my all time movies. On the other, in a blatant cash grab move, he totally sold out, making a great rock anthem into nothing more than whiny generic rock.

Sigh.

Luckily, I guess, Michael Bay doesn't give a shit about the classic Transformers stuff, so the likelihood of this version ever making it to theaters is incredibly low. Or at least, I hope it is. Now it's just a waiting game until this thing gets lost in the annals of internet history.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to wash my ears of that garbage the only way I know how:



Now that's more like it!