Friday Night Fights Round 10!

It's Friday and it's time for some violence!

For those of you not in the know, every Friday Spacebooger presents what he likes to call Fight Night Fights. It's been a tradition for a while and it's far past my time to throw my hat into the ring, and I finally found an appropriate fight for this 'fight music' round.

Tonight's fight come courtesy of Scud: The Disposable Assassin #14, by the always blood-drenched (I'm guessing) Rob Schrab and Dan Harmon.



Yeah, let's give him some music. How about a little Gap Band. Namely: You Dropped a Bomb on Me.



You were the girl that changed my world
You were the girl for me
You lit the fuse, I stand accused
You were the first for me
But you turned me out, baby

Take it Scud Lite!





Good times! Now that's a way to start a weekend!

The Fantastic Four...

will force you to take their drugs.

Things I missed in San Diego in Three Panels

Or, you know, pictures. Whatever. I make the rules here, I can do what I want!

1-

Marvel's Marvelman Announcement.
I mean, it's only the biggest announcement to come out of San Diego in years. Finally I can finally get my hands on the end of the Alan Moore run.

Please...

2- The World Premiere of Iron Man 2 Footage.



Somehow it doesn't look as polished as the first one. I hope they can save it in post.

3- Uh... Not much really. I don't know if it was because I've been overly busy the past few days or what, but I wasn't really jazzed about anything coming out of San Diego this year. I'm intrigued by World War Hulks, but for all the wrong reasons; I really want to see the Avatar footage, but I know a trailer will be out in a month; and I would really like to get those new X-Factor Minimates, but it's not the can't-wait-to-have-it set of fall 09. I don't know what happened, but it seems like there was a lot of hype coming into San Diego this year, but not a lot of substance.

It's probably all them Twilight kids fault. We'll just blame them for the whole thing.

Fantastic Fiftieth Post!

Can you believe it, I'm a regular blogger at this point, Who woulda thunk it? So in celebration of my fiftieth post, I thought I'd post all the fiftieth issues I have in my collection. Lucky for you!


Wolverine # 50 was one of the first special issues I ever got. I remember reading it over and over again as a kid as I tried to figure out who this Logan guy was. Little did I know that he was just some punk farm kid from Canada, and not a badass from birth. Sigh...


I remember I bought this because I had some extra money and it was shiny. I still contend that one day it might be worth something.


Yeah, there was a span there when I was a Spawn kid. As a matter of fact, right around the time this came out, I sat down and read the entire series up until this point. It was pretty alright I remember, but everything hinged on the one issue I didn't have, Issue # 4. I feel like after this issue everything devolved to Spawn somehow moving deeper and deeper into the alleys and constantly complaining that people were coming to him to help. Oh Spawn, the apathetic hero to dwindling thousands, how do you do it?


The first appearance of Post! OMG! POST! He's totally going to be the next big thing. Bigger than Bishop! Bigger than Cable! Bigger than Gambit! Bigger than... Oh. He's dead now, never mind.


I honestly don't remember what this one was about and I'm too lazy to read it. we'll just move on.


Ugh... Double pass. I think this was that period that I was still getting X-Man but I didn't know why. The less said about this the better.


The start of my four year run on Spider-Girl and the beginning of the end of the greatness of the title. But really solid stuff in this issue that got me hooked for a while.


Technically I own this in trades, so I might not know what happens exactly in this issue, but I'm sure it involves some great revelations, some witty dialogue, and ends with a knockout cliffhanger. I miss BKV books, I wish he'd come back to comics...


Another one of those technical owns via trades, but I know what happens in this one. Kirkman shows the freedom you can have with creator-owned stuff and shakes everything up for his anniversaries.


Not as extreme as the last Kirkman book, but it was still a pretty big status quo change. I wish Mark didn't change his costume though.


Okay, and technically I don't have this one either, but what's an anniversary post without some Galactus action going on? Right?

Here's to at least Fifty more, I think I got at least another three months worth of blogging left in me.

Your Monthly Dose of Throg!!

Throg shows off his greatest power in the latest issue of Pet Avengers: The Look.



The lesson: Don't ever question the Frog of Thunder.

Galacta: Daughter of Galactus

Get ready for the internet's next big sensation, Galacta is getting her own digital series.



For those not in the know, Galacta first appeared a few months ago in the Assistant Editor Presents specials in a short 9=page story written by Adam Warren. The story goes that she's the web2.0-savvy, 20-something looking, normal sized daughter of everyone's favorite planet devouring force of nature. But instead of just eating whatever she comes across, Galacta is a tad more picky with what she eats. Imagine it this way: Galactus would be the kind of guy to hit up a Sizzler for it's All-You-Can-Eat buffet, while Galacta would rather devour smaller, but more tasty morsels at a Wolfgang Puck's or a Mario Batali's.

Should be a fun book. And if you're too cheap to sign up for Marvel's Digital Comics, don't fret, it ought to be released in good ol' fashioned print before too long.

Until then I should start thinking of another one of these that involve Galactus' daughter:

Marvel's Motion Comics

Marvel released a trailer for their new Spider-Woman motion comic:



And it looks pretty rad. Finally a medium that will totally work for Bendis' style of action (See the three page slow pull out of craziness during Secret Invasion as an example of his excess). Color me excited.

But since when has Spider-Woman been British-ish? That threw me for a loop.

Harry Potter and The Mediocre Summer Blockbuster

As a decently sized fan of Harry Potter, I was kinda excited about Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince. The book was an exciting and action-packed return to greatness after the slowness of The Order of the Phoenix. The movie was the total opposite.

The short version: It wasn't very good, don't go out of your way to see it.

The long version, there be spoilers ahoy. I'll catch up after the picture



The problem with The Half Blood Prince is that it misses the point. It tries really hard to hit all the big story points from the book, but does so in a sloppy, half-hearted fashion that left me feeling empty and unsatisfied.

Case in point: The Half Blood Prince Potions Book. In the novel, Harry happens across a textbook with all the answers previously owned by The Half-Blood Prince which Harry, being the sad orphan he is, believes belongs to his Dad (Spoilers: It doesn't!)**. The movie abandons all this and feels genuinely shackled by the whole thing. Gone is Harry's infatuation with who the Half Blood Prince is; gone is Harry using Dumbledore's flashback-o-matic machine to learn about James (his Dad), Siris, Snape, and Lily back in the day; and gone is the emotion punch when it's revealed that Snape is the Half Blood Prince. It's just... ugh. It's just something that happens, but I can't find the reason to care and it gets worse.

After the last five installments to the series setting up the villainy and ne'er-do-well-idness of Voldermort, this part was supposed to really show what the man could do. We had heard, in hushed tones, the horrid tales of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named had done the last time he was around, and now he's back with a vengeance. What catastrophes will be wrought against the world of man now that Voldermort is back? Apparently nothing that bad, according to the Half-Blood Prince. A collapsed bridge, a couple burning buildings, and making a mess in Hogwart's Great Hall, while kinda not cool, aren't necessarily the stakes-raising, horrible deeds that strike fear into a generation.



When it comes down to it, it's clear that the filmmakers would rather focus on Harry and the gangs burgeoning sexual tensions that they could care less everything else. That would be fine and dandy, except they screw most of the love stories up too. Harry is shown to have more than a hefty interest in Ron's sister Ginny, which results in a bunch of false starts that everyone can identify with. However they never do anything really substantial enough to show that say Ron has a huge issue with the idea. I wouldn't gripe all that much, except they jam a reference to the whole Ginny/Harry/Ron relationship at the end of the movie and it comes out of nowhere.

One minute they're talking about Dumbledore getting killed and then they suddenly change the subject to "you know Ron's cool with you dating his sister, right?". And then the credits roll. There was no big throwdown with Ron about him not being okay with it, no indication that he'd have a huge problem with his best friend dating his sister, no nothing, just a small awkward (intentionally so) scene about half way through the movie.

It's just not a good flick.

Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince is a jumbled mess of teenage angst, goofy scenes, and neutered scenes of terror that completely miss the point of the story. This was supposed to be the first real showing of Voldermort's evil, something that should make us all afraid of what he could do and make us really fear for Harry's survival, instead I walked only fearing for Harry's fine China.

Sigh...See you in line for the seventh one!

** It's been brought to my attention that this isn't true and I'm misplacing my memories from The Order of the Phoenix. Harry thought the book belonged to his Dad for all of three seconds before remembering that his papa was purebred. Instead, Harry felt a connection with the the former owner of the textbook because he too is a half-blood prince of sorts. So when it's revealed that Snape is the Half-blood Prince, it really hits Harry because suddenly he has way too much in common with Snape than he ever wanted. Details aside, my point still stands: They totally missed the point of that answer-filled textbook.

Harry Potter and the Midnight Screening

Tonight I'm seeing the midnight screening of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince with the woman and some friends. I'll try to whip up a review of it tomorrow for a fresh post. Until then, enjoy this poster:



I think Harry's getting a bit fat. Maybe they should retitle the next movie Harry Potter and the Weight Loss Program...

Chaos Theory

I have random thoughts. Here are some:

-I watched the first episode of G1 Transformers the other day and noticed something:
All the Autobots are cars, while all the Decepticons are everything but. Does that mean the Cybertronian Civil War is a race war?

-Do you think Spider-Man will have foot problems later in life? The sole support in the Spider-Costume would probably be like it is in Converse All-Stars. Maybe that's why he hangs upside down all the time, because his feet hurt.

-With the amount of souvenirs in the Batcave and the Fortress of Solitude, I can only conclude that Batman and Superman are huge packrats. Remind me not to help them move.

-With it's Gothic architecture, above ground trains, shady docks, and affiliation with organized crime, Gotham City is 100% supposed to be Chicago, Illinois, don't let anyone tell you any different. I bet they have great pizza there.

-Marvel needs to release a new Nextwave mini-series like yesterday. I really want to see those crazy Warren Ellis fueled antics on the backdrop of Dark Reign. I bet Dirk Anger and Norman Osborne would get along smashingly.

-Call me a crazy person, but I'm not all that worked up about the increased cover prices on the mainstream books. Yeah it sucks that the prices went up, but it's totally inline with the general price increases since 1961. Every ten years or so, the price doubles. Check it out here, and try not to be too surprised when we have eight dollar books in 2020... Assuming we still have a paper distribution method.

-I would love to see Marvel to release a 'Wolverine Family' book, wherein Dakken, Logan, and X-23 have a violent family reunion. Throw in a crazy Uncle Deadpool and a newly resurrected Uncle Sabertooth, and it's a guaranteed sales bonanza! They should make it a Christmas special just to take advantage of the 'claws' puns they could make.

-I would love to see a Galactus/Ego The Living Planet team up book. It's the original odd couple. They could be hard traveling cosmic heroes slowly solving the mysteries of the universe while having amazing inter-entity banter.

-I'll bet ten bucks that if GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is successful, we'll see a deluge of old animation properties brought back to the big screen as live-action blockbusters. Here's hoping that when they make Silverhawks, they don't give them black suits. Also that they don't change Mon*Star's Squid Space Ship...

-You heard it here first, the next big taste sensation to sweep the nation is Twinkies and candied bacon. You turn your nose up in disgust now, but you just wait, four years from now it'll be the hit at all the state fairs.

First Issue Spectacular - Rocket Raccoon

Until Rocket Raccoon popped up in last year's Annihilation: Conquest crossover, I thought he was nothing more that a silly joke in Marvel's continuity backwater. One of those characters like Dr. Bong or Madcap that might make an appearance now and then, but could never be taken seriously nor sustain constant appearances. Oh how wrong I was. But this isn't about where he is now, let's turn back the clock and check out the first issue in his titular mini-series:



The issue starts with a giant toy-making lizard being assassinated by a killer clown, and only gets crazier from there thanks to the mad genius that is Bill Mantlo.



As the clown assassin (or would that be assassin clown?) tries to make a getaway, he's slowed by the large simian army residing outside the toymaker's domain until finally being shot dead by Blackjack O'Hare, the feared (but adorable) mercenary.

Standing over the clown's charred remains, the snake-like Lord Dyvyne swears vengeance on whoever tries to take over his toy empire!

Wait. What?

That's right, setting the standard for the Star Wars Prequels, the Rocket Raccoon mini-series uses trade routes and profit margins as a way to et the plot rolling. It's shocking this wasn't heralded as an instant classic.

Anyway, from here we meet our hero, Rocket Raccoon, as he lazily frolics in the water with his lovely otter love interest, Lylla



His fun is rudely interrupted as he's called to duty by a few of the local crazies. That's right, apparently somewhere along the way the psychiatrists decided the best way to handle their toughest cases wasn't drugs or asylums, but rather it was to launch them into space to settle their own star system to be doted on my sentient animals as to not spread their crazy to the rest of the galaxy. I'm sure the paperwork was a killer on that one.



So Lord Dyvyne implicates his competitor and asks Rocket to go check it out. As it turns out, that competitor is also Rocket's main squeeze's caretaker, Judson Jakes, someone she swears couldn't be evil. Rocket doesn't seem to care though, and goes to check it out anyway, just in case, because there would be nothing worse for their world than a slowdown in toy production (which is totally true, just check out any toy board when they can't find the toy they want).

As Rocket flies into the space warehouse, he promptly finds himself under attack by Judson and his Psycho Circus (not affiliated with KISS' Psycho Circus)



A quick battle later it's revealed that Judson intends marrying Rocket's otter lover, taking her riches for his own, and will stop anyone who gets in his way. But, as it turns out, the sexiest otter alive was kidnapped by Dyvyne who also wants to marry her for her money and power.

Now the companies rest on the brink of war with only Rocket in the middle to keep the piece and everyone else's hands off his sexy friend.

Now that was an inventive first issue. It rides that weird line between being just for kids (what with the furry animals, toys, and all) and opening up to a more mature audience (what with the trade routes, profit margins, and assassinations) without totally alienating either side. Of course, it doesn't completely gel, but that's why most of Rocket's past is not talked about these days.

Now if I could only find the rest of the issues to see how crazy the later issues got...

Minimate Overload

I've kinda gone nuts in the past few days buying minimates.

What are minimates, you ask? Why, they're just Diamond Select's biggest mini moneymaker. With two inches and fourteen points of articulation, they're systematically creating the most comprehensive multi-license toyline since Mego in the 70s. Finally I can play out my fantasies of Hannibal Lector fighting a Terminator, or pair up drinking buddies like Saul Tigh and Tony Stark. Needlessly to say, I'm all about them.

Lately, as in this past week, I've been buying a ton of these guys to add to my already burgeoning collection. From Cowboys to Ghostbusters, here's what I got and what I think of'em:

A Fistful of Dollars

I honestly never expected to buy these, but seeing them at 50% off I just couldn't resist. Besides, how could you not like a mini Clint Eastwood?

The figures are pretty snazzy with, especially John Baxter with his fancy lookin' vest and commanding mustache. Also they come with great little accessories, like a specialty molded gun with a snake on the handle and the makeshift bulletproof vest.

On the downside, some of those neat little details really hinder the figures. Marisols dress and headscarf make her a figure that can only really watch the action, but never join it, while poor Clint almost suffers the same fate with his neat looking poncho that restricts the movement of one of his arms. Not to mention poor Ramon and his rifle that will never fit in his hands... Poor Ramon, now he'll never take a man's life...

On a scale of five, I'd give them a two and a half on the barking seal scale. They're sweet little figures, but mostly just for posing on the shelf, not for getting into epic cowboy dustups.


Back to the Future 2

I don't know what took me so long to get these awesome representations of one of the greatest series ever made. Sure, they lack a bit of the likeness factor, but they make up for it by being the only game in town.

While lighter in accessories than the previous boxset, they far succeed it in posability. The clunker of the bunch is probably Doc Brown, as his trenchcoat/shirt number does leave him in the pose options, but again, he's way better than what we had before (read:nothing). My personal favorite is Marty Jr and his super girlie, yet uber-awesome, hoverboard. It makes me yearn for the day when we have shoes with power laces and Jackets that dry themselves... just six more years...

As a bonus with these guys, because of their size it's easier to find size appropriate vehicles for them, like this 1:24 scale Delorean I had lying around the house:



With all of this greatness, it pains me to only give this set a 4 barking seals out of 5, as I'm really bothered by that Doc that can't use his legs.



Ghostbusters

So there's actually two series' of these floating around out there. The first is a boxset with Peter, Egon, Dana, and Louis (as a Terror Dog), which I have yet to find and it's driving me nuts! Ahem. The second is a group of five two packs available at Toys R Us, of which I bought two: Winston from Ghostbusters 2 with a Terror Dog (no Louis or Dana inside though...) and Peter from the courtroom scene in Ghostbusters 2 with a random yellow ghost.

Now let me tell you something, those proton packs are amazing, with fantastic sculpting and a great attention to detail. I'm gonna save showing you a picture of that until I get the box set (and learn how to take a non blurry pciture, dammit!), but until then, take a look at the weirdly veiny proton beam:


...Gross...

Anyway, that's neither here nor there, these figures are pretty cool too. Winston might look a little generic, but the detail work on his costume from the name on the chest to the Ghostbusters 2 logo on the arm are pretty awesome, while Peter, for being a guy in a suit with a crazy ray gun on his back, looks pretty snazzy if not a bit dull.

The saving grace of both sets are the ghosts. The giant yellow ghost looks pretty scary (for a two inch toy) and has great posability for those rumbles with the guys, while the Terror Dog looks like it stepped off the screen, if he was stylized and blocky. They're totally great, and I really hope the series continues long enough for me to get a crazy Janosz/Vigo two pack...

When it comes down to it, I'm giving these guys a 4 outta 5 seals too, because as great as they are the guys are just a bit dull which knocks it down just a peg.



Marvel

Ah yes, my bread and butter. Surprising no one, the Marvel Minimates were what got me in the habit in the first place. This is series 25 of the long running Marvel line, with a stellar lineup of: The New Captain America, The Red Skull, the Red Hulk, Skaar: Son of Hulk, Iron Man, and an AIM Goon. And I gotta say, they're all pretty sweet.

Tight designs, lots of accessories, and a great character selection (although I'll admit that Skaar is more than a headscratcher) make this one of the best series in a while, throw in the first foray into army building and I'm happy as a clam.

Army building, you ask? Yeah, see with these Marvel waves, they always tend to have a variant figure in the mix, which normally if you want to get results in having two of the exact same figure. It finally occured to the powers that be to make that 'exact same figure' a faceless goon, so you won't mind having more than one of them. So, I purchased my first variant set and got myself another AIM goon, and then promptly found a third set (at Toys R Us for cheaper!!) and got it too. Allowing me to do things like this:



I'm so all about these figures it's stupid, they get my newly patented Seal of Awesomeness on the barking seal scale.



And there it is, my dirty little obsession. I hope you weren't too bored because I'm planning to do the same kind of round up later this month with all the fantastic looking exclusives getting released at the San Diego Comic Con this year....

The Goon: Animal Lover

The Goon loves all of God's creatures. From Wolves...



To Giant Squids...


To Sharks...


Rats...


Even mythological creatures, like Harpies...


Aerial Squids...


Alligators (They probably seemed mythological for a while to the white man)


And sometimes God will just light something on fire because He knows the Goon likes it.


PETA would be proud. :)

Further proof that if you haven't checked out The Goon yet, you should.

Today is our Independence Day!

Hey Hey, happy Fourth of July everyone! I hope y'all are doing America proud today by either BBQ-ing, deep-frying, drinking, blowing stuff up, destroying communism, bearing arms, throwing tea into a harbor, or any combination of the above. If you're out and about, or just staying in and watching Star Wars on Spike I hope you have a glorious holiday!

I'll be back on monday, but in the meantime, here's the best most inspirational Independence Day speech ever (even if it is about killer aliens)

The Darker Side of Evil Alien Conquerors

Evil Alien Conquerors is your typical terrible, wannabe cult classic sci fi comedy. Made in 2002, it stars Diedrich Bader (Mike) and Chris Parnell (Doug) as dim-witted would-be conquerors of Earth from the planet Kabijj. Imagine if Invader Zim was an Adam McKay/Will Ferrell movie, take away 90% of the cleverness and you'd have Evil Alien Conquerors.

Now I was planning on doing one of those 'Oh this movie is horrible!' movie reviews, but as the movie progressed I was overtaken by it's dark and creepy subtext.

You see, as our leads arrive on Earth, they're instantly befriended by a local named Kenny. And Kenny is a psychopath.



'He doesn't look so bad,' you say. And I say that's exactly why you'd end up as a lamp in this guy's entryway.

Let's look at the evidence:

1- After seeing our future Earth overlords arrival, he cruises up next to them in his creepy 'stranger-danger'-mobile offering them a place to stay. He could be a kind-hearted, naive local. OR he could have learned through the years that the best victims are crazy drifters who have just rolled into town who noone will miss!

2- Upon learning of our Mike and Doug's plan to decapitate the population of the world, Kenny becomes more and more intrigued by the idea and offers to help on the condition that his head be on the largest spike.



3- Kenny further encourages the idea of slaughtering the people of Earth by taking Mike and Doug to a hardware store to buy better weapons (a machette and a chainsaw to be exact) and then to a farm so they can test out their new arsenal on some livestock. As the would-be conquerors attempt to subdue a benevolent bovine, Kenny just watches with a tinge of disappointment in his eyes.



4- Later, they head back to Kenny's house which is pretty immaculate for a young 20-something bachelor and is only stocked with Smirnoff Ice to drink, which made me think that he might be gay(not that there's anything wrong with that), that is until we meet his roommate Ronnie, another psychopath



Sustaining on a diet of only Sun Chips and Crystal Geyser, Ronnie's mighty antisocial with many violent tendancies. When not being the muscle for The Mighty Ducks, Ronnie is 'banging chicks' in his room in between shooting allegedly 'infomercials'.



Why the quotes? Well, for all the hard fucking coming from Ronnie's room, we only ever hear his grunts and never anything feminine. He could just be furiously masterbating, Or he could have some poor woman bound and gagged (or worse!) for his pleasure.

Later in the movie, we get a glimpse into his 'infomercial' studio which consisted of a cheap camera, a single light, tacky tropical wall decal. It was here that he convinced Croker, the alien devastator out to destroy Mike and Doug (played by Tyler Labine from TV's Reaper!), to 'shoot an infomercial' while they waited for Mike and Doug to return to the house. Lucky for Croker, our extraterrestrial 'heroes' arrive before Ronnie can turn all Buffalo Bill on him.


Ultimately the movie ends with Ronnie being put out of his misery, and Kenny becoming the ruler of a distant empire.

Oh! Did I forget to mention that while trying to warn Mike and Doug about the whereabouts of Croker, Kenny got distracted by a huge sword which accidently transported him to the alien's homeworld where he promptly cut off the emperor's head thereby becoming the new emperor of Kabijj? Sorry about that.



Who knows what wanton death and destruction Kenny's rule will bring to Kabijj and it's surrounding planets? I guess we'll have to hope and pray for a sequel. In the meantime, we'll have the intriguing awfulness of the original to keep our imaginations spinning.

Check it out for yourself at Hulu! and tell'em the Platypus sent you*

*This is not recommended