The problem with Transformers

I'm taking a stand against Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. This movie is, to me, everything that's wrong with movies today: It's a big, loud, partly-retarded mess of an event.



Don't get me wrong, I love my big dumb movies and I have no issue with great special effects, I just need something deeper there to make me care about it. The problem I see with Transformers is that they try so hard to have these huge mechanical beasts fight, without giving me a good reason to care about them.

It's all Michael Bay, really. He's the guy who wants to big visuals and huge exciting set pieces without the substance to make the audience care. He doesn't seem to get that those 'boring' scenes of character and story-telling just makes those badass scenes more badass, and the exciting scenes that much more exciting. The idea of giant robots fighting on screen is awesome, but give them a good reason to fight and I'm engaged on an entirely different, and better, level. I love those big awesome scenes as much as the next guy, but they always mean so much more, and are just that much more badass when the movie earns it and I don't think Transformers earns that badassery (yes that's a word, shut up.).

I could honestly care less about the little things like the "Sambots" (which are in bad taste), or Devastator's male parts, or the random uber-goofy, super-campy moments that are littered throughout the movie; I'm just that guy who cares about silly things like 'character' and 'story'. I want those big bad-ass things, I just want them to have the depth to really make them classic scenes, and not just some flash in the pan.

Because when it gets right down to it, those effects are going to show their age real quick and that spectacle will fade, and then all that'll be left to make it a classic will be those silly things like 'story' and 'characters'.

Transformers was always kind of a goofy premise, but there was a lot of heart to it that made it stand the test of time. If it was just the goofy premise, it would have gone down in the annuls of history like the Stretchoids, Silver Hawks, or Tiger Sharks. Who? What? Yeah, exactly. Transformers had the staying power because of it had something that affected all us kids in a deeper way and made it a part of our being. And that's exactly what the new movie is missing: heart.

Sigh. I just want future generations to know why the Transformers are so cool, and the movies to live up to the legacy the franchise has.

At least they haven't fucked up GI Joe yet...


Right.

Shit.