Saturday, May 23, 2009

Things I learned from Terminator Salvation

I saw Terminator Salvation last night and learned some things.

Lesson one: Never see a Terminator movie not directed by James Cameron.

For everything else I learned, there will be spoilers.

- John Connor is a Schizophrenic. One second he's trying to kill you, the next he's betting his life on you. And then he's yelling at you again.

- Whenever you need something, just wish really hard and it'll appear. An axe in a tow truck? Sure, it's right next to the grenade launcher.

- The T-600's look like fat pirates.

- Even in a robotic new world order, the robots still need access panels for easy reprogramming

- You can survive a nuclear blast as long as you're in a helicopter

- It's never a bad time to text, especially when you're infiltrating SkyNet.

- John Connor is a huge CB Enthusiast.

- Terminators HATE rock music

- Motorcycle Terminators are pretty sweet.

- Skynet apparently has netflicks, rented the original Terminator movies, and learned who John Connor was and who he was going to be, because they really had no reason to believe that a mid-level resistance guy was going to be such an issue for them.

Ugh. Just awful.

Special thanks to my friends for unwittingly contributing to this list while we griped about the terrible-ness we just witnessed.

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