Monday, September 13, 2010

First Issue Spectacular: SuperPro #1

What better way to kick off the 2010 NFL season than to look back on their lasting comics legacy: NFL SuperPro. Or at least the first issue, I don't think I could take the entire series...

First off, I gotta tell you that this first issue is a misnomer. SuperPro actually began a few months prior in a special of the same name. In it you got all the things you'd expect from a first issue: The origin, the introduction of the supporting cast, and the setting of the status quo.

I don't have that issue. Instead, I have an issue that reads like a second issue that refers to events that already happened without giving me reference to where they happened. It's all kinds of fun. You should be ashamed of yourselves Fabian Nicieza and Jose Delbo, you should have known better...

Anyway, the issue starts off like you would expect: With SuperPro fighting off a would be assassin.

Unfortunately for Superpro (or more accurately the guy he was protecting), during the scuffle, a second assassin appeared and shot the target. A chase ensues where Superpro shows us just how awesome he is:

Needless to say, the guy gets away.

Or does he? It seems everyone's favorite wallcrawler is in town on some dues-ex-machina business, maybe he can swing in and stop this obviously dangerous criminal.

Spidey just likes to watch, I guess. It's not like he has a history involving letting criminals run away only to have them come back and hurt him somehow. Hey... wait a minute....

Maybe he was a clone. It was the 90s after all.

Regardless, Superpro decides to call it a night. After getting picked up by his cameraman/driver/defacto sidekick Ken, SuperPro changes into his civilian identity, Phil GrayField and heads back to his hotel for some deep thinking about his origins.

And to make some late night booty calls.

The next morning, Phil heads to the courthouse for a big press conference that just happens to be targeted by another assassin. This time it's SuperPro's turn to laze on the bench while Spider-Man does all the heavy lifting.

And by heavy lifting, I mean, effectively kill a man. Cause you know, Spider-Man's badass like that. He kills guys all the time, it's not like he has a crippling guilt any time he does anything that might seriously hurt someone else.... Hey, wait a minute!

It's gotta be a clone. That's the only thing that makes sense, right?

Whatever. Spidey follows a bad tip and ends up where the action isn't happening. Lucky for us, SuperPro has the uncanny ability to be at the right place at the right time. Or a close approximation thereof.

Finally we get to see SuperPro shine as he kicks the shit out of half a dozen faceless hi-tech grunts while he spews some of the worst one liners ever.

Oh SuperPro, how can I make fun of someone so adorably stupid?

For reasons that should be obvious, SuperPro here never really took off the way everyone expected him to. Combined with the NFL getting all fidgety with the rights, this series was doomed to only last twelve issues. Twelve issues that I'm never going to read... No sir...

What's that? The following issues involve villains like a place kicker turned ninja named Quick Kick, a time traveling assassin named Instant Replay, and an issue so racist it was pulled from the stands within a week? Dammit, that sounds awesome.

I guess it couldn't hurt to read a few more...

No comments:

Post a Comment